The comfort zone and finding the discomfort zone

Most days I get up and go to work. There is a routine and although not always clockwork it is predictable. Wake up, breakfast, wash up, public transport, work and this is it. Day after day, week after week and then the occasional stray off the beaten track and again back on it. So it goes. Another thing which is predictable is a comfort zone which is barely ever infringed. The work place is somewhere very familiar so there is no situation which really steps into the discomfort zone. To be frank it is all becoming a bit boring and easy and non testing or just overly predictable; there's the word again. The circle is small, it is very small and maybe it is a thing with age maybe it is a thing with personality, I just don't have someone to fall back on other than those already many years familiar with. I've even joked in a blog previously to consider advertising for a friend. Maybe it is a sign of loneliness or a sign of needing to reach out.

At work I am a manager, and although I'd love to reach out to some of my colleagues there's always in the back of my mind the niggling thought they are only talking to me because I am a manager, so they have to rather than they don't have to. Yes this may be cynical but it must be the same for anyone who is a manager in a workplace. For although it is good to be on friendly terms with staff there are times when it is necessary to take actions which must be in accordance with HR policies. For example give someone a formal sickness interview. It is so much harder to undertake such interviews when over familiar. Manager's therefore should not be too touchy feely with their staff, and of course there is always the issue of confidentiality. You have to be conscious of anything said which might be considered judgemental and therefore get back to the individual you have been talking about. Even if it happens you are talking to another manager. Some staff don't take kindly if it is necessary to talk to them formally, they get upset and then you become the evil monster. Putting pressure on them. i.e. advising them their sick will be formally monitored for the next year and if it is unacceptable then they will move to a stage two formal sickness procedure. This is again a burden of management, but even with these aspects I love my job. I do am confident when things get formal but I am also considerate of the individual allowing them time and space to question me in any way they feel they must. Doing everything I can to be transparent. Again this is all work and it does not really take me into the discomfort zone.

In search of finding the discomfort zone I have to start speaking to people I don't know. The dreaded stranger. Now and again articles arise on the web and are worth reading or watching. Such as a Ted Talk by Kio Stark who has written a books on this subject, very close to her heart.  When Strangers Meet: How people you don't know can transform you. I would like to talk to strangers and meet more people I have never known before. It is a little odd for only a few weeks ago I went with Sparkling Eyes to a funeral. It was someone who she met at a cancer charity event some years ago and had unfortunately succumbed to terminal illness. During the Humanist ceremony (which was lovely) the speaker said the deceased person saw strangers as friends they had not met yet.  This person I'd never met before in my life had reached out and spoken words like they were on a personal post card with my name written on it.

However, life is not just a matter of understanding the message it is also a matter of acting on it.

Adult sent to bed by three year old Princess

Princess J likes to put me in my place. It is her duty and she enjoys it as much as a three and a half year old can enjoy chastising an adult. Lets just say immensely. Which kind of got me onto the thinking of what goes through the mind of a child? Their conception of the world is very different because hours of watching the Night Garden, Monsters Inc. or Paw Patrol etc etc does this kind of thing. It's probably a little like brain washing an adult. Their reality has the real existent of monsters and those monsters are cuddly. Human grandfathers are therefore also toys to be put in their box. In my case it was for Princess J to send me to bed. She didn't particularly need a reason but any reason can be found at any time. This time it so happened because I told her Gaga (grandmother) didn't have eyebrows, which is true, because I've seen her without them every morning. They get emphasised with the help of a pencil. So Princess J calls to her Gaga just so she can check to see if there are eyebrows and then I am sent to bed and told the reason I was sent to bed. Her little hand takes mine and then she leads me up to her bedroom, she points to the bed and says I must go to bed. After which Princess closes the door. Of course Pops is unhappy and he has to show a little theatre, so I stand behind the door and bang gently with my fists shouting "let me out" to which Princess J holds the door shut and says "no, you been naughty." It's then my turn to lay in bed and pretend to snore. Little Princess J laughs during this whole episode then goes downstairs to tell her Gaga what she's done and why she has done it.

A few moments later little feet can be heard coming up the stairs because now Princess J has to check on me. I snore and then hug one of her cuddly toys. The door opens and my eyes are closed. She peaks in and sees me but notices I have her stuffed Iggle Piggle doll. With determination she then comes up to me and begins to pull the doll away. I give a little struggle hanging onto it but she emphasises I have been naughty. It is after all her doll anyway and she must of felt naughty Pops was not the one to benefit from this comfort while sleeping. Princess takes the doll downstairs, I find another cuddly toy and do the same again. We repeat this situation about six times, she is really enjoying giving naughty Pops his punishment and soon there is a collection of soft cuddly toys in the living room. While Princess feels quite content with her work and Prison Officer righteous attitude to reprimanding the naughty man.

However, I got to thinking about poor Pops (me) being punished like this and wondered whether it could of been symptomatic of something else. Although you can never be sure of these things. So I thought perhaps she is punishing me because she loves her Pops and it had been 6 weeks or more since seeing him so she was going to teach him a lesson for not dropping in and playing with her. It seemed to make sense to me, for Princess J has not punished anyone else in the same way.

On leaving Gaga took me down to the train station in the car while Princess was secured in the back. I got out and said to Princess I had to get a train, I don't think she understood, and then waved as the Gaga drove off. Later I learned Princess was unhappy I had left. Fortunately Gaga knows the cure. An ice cream on a cold day was just the thing. There is one thing for sure, you just can't help but love the children in your life.