A Baby, a Uke and a Holiday

It's been a packed day. There is lots to talk about but, I'll just keep to the basics.  Rock is getting bigger and bigger, which is no real surprise in itself.  After all it really is a day by day count down until Baby Fro pops out to see the world. Rock is now to the point she just can't wait to be unpregnant, or rather give birth because there is no such word as "unpregnant."  I know this because the spell check tells me. It's still cold in Scotland and Sparkling Eyes has been indoors all day doing very little except watch movies and coming out in sympathy with Rock Chick.  Awwwe.  Funny how mother and daughter are so connected. It's about three weeks now. I said this to Sparkling, who already knows, but my entire thoughts on the matter make me emotional. I think of little Baby Fro in my arms and my eyes just well up. Funny how women are doing this to me. When I think about it, making men cry or rather those women in my life most important to me have this knack. Certainly Baby Fro is already doing it.  I'm not sure how to react and feel so happy I want to cry and shouldn't because men don't cry. Except for me, I'm doing it a lot.  It is going to be great when baby hits the scene. She will not be able to kick a football and I'll remember this from previous experience of nephews and nieces of years ago.  But she will be beautiful, I am very sure of this. Just as I have learnt, every girl in the world is a Princess and should be called Princess. But of course even a princesses can get into trouble and be a pain at times. Sparkling has tried out the folding bed in the spare room and it is comfortable enough to sleep on, an cot is on offer and this can also be put in the spare room for use.

This afternoon while at the Fish Factory my mobile phone went off. It was a call from the Ukulele shop about Harvey. I was in part dreading this call because of the thought I might be in the wrong, but I know what a buzz sounds like and Harvey definitely buzzes. Apparently though half of the shop staff were unable to find the buzz and the other half were able to find it. It's to do with how hard or light Harvey is strummed or plucked. It made me feel better knowing some people were in my camp and justified sending Harvey back. They said the frets would be looked at. I have seen what happens in such cases. Quite simply any overly high frets are filed down. The buzzing likely coming from strings which vibrate against the frets. As I was saying to Sparkling, a Ukulele isn't like a washing machine, which either works or doesn't work. Sparkling was unsympathetic to my cause, so in part I wonder why I discuss the wonders and beauty of Bertha and Harvey, she says I'm a bit touchy. I'm not.  They are Ukuleles and I'm fond of them. Of course it doesn't help how Sparkling throws in my face the fact she is about to go on a clinical trial in hospital to examine whether her blood pressure can be lowered. Yes, Sparkling just can't help the fact she stresses a lot.  I try telling her to calm down but it's like standing in front of traffic when the light has just gone green.  Going back to Harvey.  I'm not entirely sure whether I should be happy the shop is going to repair Harvey when they really should of offered a new Uke replacement. At the same time strumming technique is a personal thing and people play differently. At least I am not going to be hit by courier charges because they couldn't find a thing wrong with it. Yet on the other hand, it may be the same thing occurs at a later date. So I'm in a quandary. If they can repair it and it is then fine I have no worries versus it's a new instrument so should not need repairing. I just don't know, for the time being it is a matter of giving the distributor the benefit of the doubt.  I looked up reviews of the shop on the internet and they were encouraging. Again it is a matter of watch this space. To Uke or not to Uke that is the question.

Sparkling asked me when I am next going to be in Scotland? Of course I did not know and we had agreed it was best to wait for Baby Fro to be born. So I said I can't see myself being there for the birth but would be up as soon as I possibly could afterwards. Rock had also been enquiring. Apparently a conversation had taken place where Rock was mapping out for me the rest of my life. It is so touching to know she views me as such a significant role in her own life, it makes me happy to say the least.

We finished off with a brief discussion about holidays and possibly going to Poland again. To a place where there is a beach and a nice sea front. I have agreed with Sparkling, one of the things we both need this year is a holiday. Regardless of how crazy the Fish Factory becomes this and Baby Fro are major items.  I did try to discuss with Sparkling about the issue of taking a Uke on holiday, at which I was glad a phone line was between us because it may well of had Bertha over my head. I guess impulsive actions can help lower blood pressure, or cause headaches.

The Ukulele must be returned.

The marathon is on today in London, there was 36,000 entrants. Out of respect for what happened at Boston runners have worn black arm bands.  It has been cold but sunny, the near perfect conditions to run in for faster runners.

While watching the marathon on TV I've been boxing up Harvey. He can be collected on Tuesday and returned to the shop. I don't know what to expect from this distributor. I suppose it is the same for anyone who experiences returning goods which have not fulfilled their requirements.  Part of me doesn't like doing this kind of thing and wonders how they deal with returned goods. It's all down to attitude and philosophy. I know the first choice will be to try and repair Harvey, to find out what is wrong with him.  It may not be obvious to them the string rattles and buzzes, but it is to me.  It could be a simple problem to fix, but I can't help thinking it should of been picked up before Harvey was posted to me. Surely I ask myself they gave him a strum and tested he was fine.  It put me in a bad mood when I got him. Which was why I decided it best to let myself cool down before contacting them, this way I was calm and reasoned.  If you are not reasoned and clear, people can put up barriers.  If they are deal with my complaint well then I will likely shop there again. If it turns out to be a nightmare then I'll not shop there again. We'll just have to see how it goes. I got to get out of this grump and disappointment frame of mind.

So for the time being it will be back to Bertha. Her action is too high and I realise this a lot more now having played Harvey. The thing with Bertha though is she buzzes consistently. This is always on the A string and on the second fret. Consistency is good. OK she may cause finger soreness but she's a good teacher and reliable and I like her because she is my first Ukulele and Sparkling got Bertha for me. It meant Sparkling actually listening to my request. I am so easy to buy for, unlike Sparkling.  Sparkling said to me we need a holiday this year and I am inclined to be in agreement. I keep wondering though how I will go about packing a Ukulele to come on holiday, whether it would be allowed as hand luggage. These things are fragile, I just don't want it thrown in with all the other luggage. Those luggage handlers can't be gentle when they are throwing hundreds of bags on a plane. Anyway it's food for thought, as well as where on earth to holiday. Somewhere relaxing, with a little history, cheap would be good and English speaking good as well. Ok where's that map of the world.

Rattling Uke string, intermittent internet connection and exercise balls.

I'm now convinced this is a time where nothing quite works the way it should for me. It all began with the new ukulele, which was going to be given the name Pooka, but I then decided to call it Harvey. So Harvey is not working as well as he should. There is definitely a rattle and a buzz about the C string.  When plucking the C string it rattles, but as I pluck it more and move down towards the bridge the rattle becomes a pronounced buzz. The rattling noise is getting on my nerves. It's a new instrument and it should be perfect. It should of been tested in the shop before they sent it to me. Fortunately I've been swotting up on something referred to as the Distance Selling Regulations otherwise known as the Consumer Protection Regulations 2000 and the Sale of Goods Act 1979. It is always good to be aware of your rights when purchasing goods of any kind whether from the internet or from a shop. These rights are not something to be ignorant about neither should they be used to hit sellers around the head when the purchaser is in the wrong. I once worked in a shoe shop so was aware of this kind of thing. Such as when people tried to return goods they had worn and there was nothing wrong with them, but they had just changed their mind. Some do try it on. Knowing this, I don't want to put myself in this category, so while playing Harvey I've been listening very carefully to his C string. I do actually like him a lot, it's just the C string buzz which is the problem. He is a beautiful instrument, I could probably try and forget it is there but after a while the buzz could get worse, to the point it then becomes unplayable. Then I'll have a Uke with not much use.  It is a dilemma. However, I have now rang up the supplier (who will remain nameless) and they have set up a courier to come and pick up Harvey. I'll keep you posted on the results.

The other problem I'm having lately is connecting to the internet. This is both on my home computer and on my laptop. The laptop is consistently used whenever I am out and about. Especially at a pub I frequent for coffee and an hour or two of relaxation. Then to find now my home PC is also disconnecting and refusing to reconnect when it already shows as being connected is vexing. I'm not sure if this is something to do with loading a new flash player, but things are just not working right. It's like having an itch on my back and I just can't reach it. The itch goes away only to return again and then I'm rubbing my back up and down against walls, door frames or anything else. If I didn't know otherwise I'd say there was a gremlin in my vicinity, an invisible one who was playing with me at his own amusement. Just wait to I get my hands around his neck, he'll find out what it is to have an itch you can't scratch.

In the meantime, back at the ranch. Sparkling sent me a text today to say she was in both a happy and and excited mood. It was because the spare bedroom now had a new carpet and she'd taken delivery of a reclining chair bed thing. She is feeling happy because everything is now getting geared up for the arrival of Baby Fro. Not even Rock knows when Baby Fro is coming, although Dangerous things baby will be a couple of days early.  Rock, has got a bouncing exercise ball. I guess this is actually what used to be called a Swiss ball, but could even be a contemporary version of the Space Hopper. Only and old person knows what a Space Hopper is, the original ones anyway. So Rock now sits in front of the telly watching her favourite programs and bounces up and down on it. Every time I imagine this site I can't help but laugh. A pregnant woman bouncing up and down on a big ball. It seems to be having it's benefits and is easing back pain. Come to think of it, it does sound like quite a nice gentle exercise to undertake.  Personally the whole situation makes me feel happy, knowing both Sparkling and Rock are happy brings me happiness. Except for Harvey, he's an itch who's about to be sent away.

A day off and what to do or not to do

Well it's a day off work and I don't know what to do with myself. The new Ukulele delivered yesterday, is not impressing at the moment. Either I'm not skilled enough to appreciate it or there is something wrong with the product, so I scratch my head wondering what it could be. If it comes to it I'll have to return it back to the online shop I got it from. I had thought about going out to bet a new pair of shoes or boots. This didn't happen. I had thought of laying in bed a bit longer than normal, this didn't happen, the sun came out and being constantly woken up by outside sources made sleep yet another intermittent affair. I thought, well, I need to relax, I really have a great need to chill out as the Fish Factory has been mentally stressful. There's a constant tinnitus now in my ears and I don't know if this is high blood pressure, stress or just a hearing problem. Were I to go partially deaf it might even be an advantage. Otherwise were I to fall over and have a stroke, gurgling saliva and not being able to function this would be a distinct disadvantage. Heck, a bloody distinct disadvantage.  Being a vegetable was not part of a future CV. What I did do was avoid the funeral of an ex prime minister. Which in itself is a great event. Shall I send a complaint to the BBC about the song they refuse to play? It's a possibility.  At last I got out of the house, got away from watching old movies and have done something. I could of gone for some exercise.  Got on my bike and just cycled, but didn't. However, chilling in a nice pub with an expensive cup of coffee, laptop on and fingers dancing over the keys is the best necessary option at this time.

Yesterday at the Fish Factory I needed time to think and I need peace and quiet. But this is not something which can happen in an open planned environment. Not one which is designed along the lines of a car park. Except with a carpet and desks.  After having an argument with a Fish who wouldn't listen to what I had to say and had the notion if they just kept on repeating themselves the situation would change and I'd do what they asked.  Of course this didn't happen.  After having enough of ranting and raving, I advised them I was going to put the phone down. I did. At this moment a moment of relief came over me. Some people just come across as mentally ill when they think they are better and know more and by out shouting, screaming or vicious circle argument think something will be achieved. I sat there looking the monitor, needing a moment to collect my thoughts. A moment to get back on with the work I get paid to do. The peace did not come. I knew it wouldn't. There must be a way to accept and deal with these workplace turmoils. One which doesn't involve being mentally abused or having a lingering effect of the mental abuse bestowed by other people in this world.  I refuse to accept situations change me and control me and sometimes grasp onto this thought with both hands and tight. I will keep myself calm and composed. It's a fact there are frequent situations where people do not agree with what I say. Not because they are right, but because they are wrong and they are emotionally embroiled in the belief they are right. There is only so much bending backwards I can do before I start to see the back of my heels and this has happened too much. The buzzing in my ears is still there, I need two or three months off work. Unfortunately in the fast paced environment of the Fish Factory such a time would be an eternity. Too many things change. Sit down for five minutes and you'll find a layer of dust on your head.

Perhaps it is a holiday I need.  One away from it all. One in another country. A place where  relaxation is the main item on the agenda. Of course Sparkling will come along as well, she works hard and needs the break equally. There is only so many days, seconds, minutes in a life so using them wisely and breaking out of the chains of stress and strains seems like a good idea. A very good idea, now just to find the time the place and...

When will the big event take place? Come on Baby Fro

When will Baby Fro come? That is the question. She is due to meet this world on the 15th May 2013, and Rock Chick is growing bigger and bigger in size. Today will be Rock Chick's last working day after which she is on count down to the birth. She groans about the weight now on her hips, how her big round belly is getting bigger. How she has weighs more than she has ever weighed before in her life.  Sparkling Eyes is on tender hooks count down as well. I asked her when Rock would give birth and she had no idea. It must be me. I'm a man and am expecting something to happen at a scheduled time. As though Rock chick will wake up on the 15th, look at her watch and say "OK Baby Fro it's time for you to say hello" at which point she the goes into contractions, is rushed to the hospital and a suitable time later the little baby breathes air for the first time. Rock likes to stay in bed late so it's possible Baby Fro will be late because she likes to sleep in as well. She's obviously not bothered about time tables or alarms, she is comfortable and will stay comfortable until she is ready to dance and sing. Although I'm sure she will mostly be crying, sleeping, pooing nappies, and maybe goo-goo-ing more than anything else in the early days.

I can sense a kind of tension in Sparkling Eyes, she tells me Rock Chick was a big baby and late so it may well be Baby Fro is going to be a big girl as well. Rock was long and over 8 pounds in weight. What will Fro be like? What pseudonym will I give her when she become a member of the family? Sparkling talks about preparing the spare room, getting a new carpet for it and also a reclining sleep over couch thing. So if Dangerous is working at night Rock can rest at relative ease, Sparkling sits on the edge of her seat, she waits in trepidation, she's excited, Dangerous is excited, we're all excited. If I know when Baby Fro is due, as close to the date as possible then I can get a ticket booked to be in Scotland and give moral support. I hope Sparkling can calm, everything will be fine. Babies have been born throughout the life of humanity. Regardless, this is a special one, a very special one indeed.

So Rock Chick, turn the alarm on, do a little dancing, jumping up and down if needed, eating odd combinations of food, running up and down stair, whatever it takes. Then send me a text with the date. I have to know. When will Baby Fro be here?

On a hill with a Ukulele and a few dog walkers

Sparkling tells me it has been snowing again in Scotland. She's fed up with it. Whilst back in London today the sun came out. It was bright and hard this morning and such a change to actually feel warm. Well for a short time anyway. I had this notion this morning to go and play Bertha in the park. I wanted to see what it would sound like, up on the hill where the walnut tree used to be. Until it had been hit by lightening and then eventually died. Shame. There is a seat and table up there. it looks down over a built up estate fifteen minutes walk away. But it's nice up there and I wanted to hear what Bertha sounds like when sound doesn't bounce of the walls of a small room. It wasn't as secluded as hoped. Dog walkers were about, the odd Nepalese walking around as well. It was too late. Next time I'll be up there at 7 a.m. or earlier. Except at this time on a Sunday I'd rather sleep, and of course there would of been frost. At 10 a.m. the frost had all melted. Bertha sounded OK but I was distracted by the noise of cars on the road down below, birds, barking dogs and dog walkers. Dog walkers who seemed to me to be lingering about just to hear what the crazy man on the top of the hill was playing on his ukulele. I saved the world by not singing. Did my songs and got pissed of with the walkers, like they never heard someone attempt music. Well, probably not on the hill, not on a Sunday morning.

Sparkling said it was a public place. It was something to expect and she'd of stopped to listen if around at the time. Don't matter. Next time I will get up earlier, but if its frosty my fingers will get cold and it will not be much of a session. I think Bertha liked a bit of fresh air as well. I must learn those songs and the music to them better. It's got to be so they are burnt into my memory. Of by heart. I wonder if there's a song about frosty fingers which isn't too difficult to learn. Mind the good thing about a Uke is you never need a poop bag.

Cold weather and the wrath of a pregnant woman

OK it's the 3.04.13. and now a case of being completely and utterly fed up with the weather. Spring has began and there are still snow flurries in parts of south east England.  It is crazy, this morning as waking up I took a look out of the window and there was frost on the cars. If this is global warming I don't know what global bloody freezing looks like. Everybody is wrapping up with extra clothes, although there are some idiots who don't wear coats, I'm sure the cold will catch up with them. As I waited for a train to work there was one African man who was in a suit and he had a jumper on underneath his jacket. It looked odd. But there was no coat. I'm a native of this country and I'm feeling the cold so come this evening he will be shivering for sure. It is a fact, those populations who are indigenous to a country or continent are physically better suited to it. There are even some morning when I leave the house and it's zero degrees but I feel it's not cold. The cold is more determined by the wind. It cuts through and is worse than a cold day by itself.  I've had enough. If shouting up at the sky made the sun come out and warmed everything up I'd be out there like a crazy man shouting up at the sky and waving my fist. Some days it feels like I just can't get warmed up, even at night in bed I'm not sleeping well. If I go to bed with cold feet it takes hours before they warm up and then it's morning and time to get up for work. Call me a bloody Eskimo, is all I can say. I'll go out seal hunting tomorrow so had better prepare the huskies tonight. I could do with a polar bear coat, an artificial one because I'm a green Eskimo and don't want to upset anyone. I'm just absolutely bloody pissed off with it.

I spoke to Rock Chick the other night, she is getting fatter and fatter. Standing up for hours while working is now not an option. The weight on her pelvis is just too much, but otherwise she seems to be a pretty happy and pregnant. I'm not sure if Dangerous is quite on the ball with it all though. It's lucky Rock is there to tell him what to do and keep him updated. Dangerous is the kind of person who is late to everything. He likes his bed, he likes talking, he likes food, he loves Rock and Babyfro, and his life is so going to change. I know he will do a great job, but I expect there will be a big maturity injection once Babyfro is here. After all, he's had the easy bit so far. Poor Rock Chick carrying growing Fro about and dealing with hormone swings, up and down and round about. Rock told me how one evening when Dangerous had gone out and promised to be back early how she rang him at 2 a.m. to find he was still at his friend's house. He still had not actually understood the message, when Rock says get home early she means it. As a consequence Rock rang him up. The conversation which took place was probably from a clear headed sobre Rock and a slightly drunk Dangerous, the worse thing was he began to wind Rock up, as though to be playful. But at 2 a.m. in the morning Rock didn't feel like laughing. She then went out to find a paper craft model Dangerous had made. It had taken months and was a labour of love. She took a knife to the model, which was also the model of a knife and began to cut it up into pieces and binned it. Dangerous is slow so it took him a couple of days to realise his beautiful labour of love was  missing. Rock said she'd thrown it away and dopey Dangerous just accepted it. Mind I wonder what Dangerous would of though if he'd seen her deliberately mutilating the model and smiling as she dropped the fragments into a bin. Moral of story, never get on the wrong side of a pregnant woman, and never get on the wrong side of Rock Chick. I must admit she enjoyed telling the tale. I wonder if Dangerous will learn the lesson, but for some reason I doubt he has the capacity.

My affair with Bertha continues, I love giving her a strum and when I get round to singing can't help laugh at my inability to keep to time, sound any good or know what I'm doing. I'm sure the more practice the better I'll get. I spend many evenings just strumming her strings and not even bothering to learn new stuff it's relaxing and different from anything else I have ever done. It's like being on a journey and just ambling along not worried about how long it will take to get wherever it is I'm going. All I know is with each practice session, over time I'll improve. I smile, and when I pull Bertha out of her case sometimes I speak to her gently. I hope it doesn't mean I'm nuts. We have a connection. However, I will say I'm a little disappointed with the A string second fret. She buzzes now and again and if can spoil the session. Talking about sessions. Last weekend I saw Monster Boy and we had a jamming session. He got Hilda out, I got Bertha out and we strummed. Mind I don't think he has the same dedication.  It didn't matter because it was a good time we both had. He said he enjoyed it. All I can say is never get between a man and his Ukulele, it's a personal thing.