Waiting on hot water

I sit here waiting for the water in the immersion heater to warm up.  It's either this or go to the Fish Factory stinky.  I'd rather not.  It is a pain not having remmebered to have switched it on, of course I might of used cold water but this seems a little extreme.  In the bathroom I can hear the radio as my favourite morning show runs, with numerous time checks throughout.  (Today program on Radio 4)  It is the best news program around, has been given numerous awards and my second fix of caffine after some real coffee.  The cateterrie kind, not instant out of the jar kind.  Better have a quick check to see if it is hot enough. Nearly there.

I spoke to L & B man last night.  After having two pints in the pub and wanting a little chit chat.  He was about to go on holiday for three weeks to Florida.  Whereas my niece Bam Bam had just come back from a week's holiday in New York.  I said to L & B Man, I had wondered who to ring and had to ring someone who was likely to pick up the phone because they had no mates.  His response was, "so you had tried to ring yourself found it engage and then ran me."  I was a little intoxicated so didn't have any retort, he'd goe me so I laughed.  I must note to myself when intoxicated I'm at a disadvantage.  Maybe this is why Sparkling likes me to drink the odd pint. 

Anyway time is short, water must be  hot now so I'm off.

Thoughts on a couple of weeks ago

It's been a week since returning from my trip to see Sparkling Eyes.  She reminded me I had been neglecting her feet and hadn't massaged them enough this time round.  Usually she said, her feet were soft and supple and had been revitalised.  Mind, Sparkles did have to do a little bit of work now and again, so I didn't see her all the time so this may have contributed to my neglection of foot duties.  

One one afternoon out we decided to head towards the local golf course so I would get a chance at hitting some balls on the range.  It's a lovely place, littered with adjacent log cabins which can be hired, a large lake, rolling hills and a little leisure complex.  After my abysmal failure at hitting golf balls and doing a Sevvy Balistaros come Tiger Woods impression we went and had a drink and food in the restaurant.  Rock Chick sat opposite and looked very much the young growing up adult she is.  She had ordered what was her favourite fad at the moment, Rosemarie prawns and a glass of red wine.  Which was a little odd to watch.  As she tucked into her prawns on pieces of brown breaded toast and sipped so divinely from her glass.  I felt she was becoming very much the adult.  Young, happy, go lucky, and in her own way Sparkling.  Smiling and making jokes.  She is growing up every day and what a beautiful young lady she is.  I could see the resemblances and the finger prints Sparkling had put on Rock Chick.  The naughty sense of humour, the right of speaking out for herself.  Which is something I always love.  When people, no matter who they are can challenge me and speak their mind.  Together Sparkles and Rock Chick are a formidable team.  I have learnt I can not beat them in an argument, because of course no man can beat a woman in a game of logic.  Their logic is not as straight as you might think.  Or rather, pretty meandering and somehow getting to a point which was not the point of the argument anyway, but a point.  Rock looked so happy, and it was good to be on a nearly fully adult level.  We looked out of the window over our drinks and also noticed people looking up at a nest of swallows.  The sun was out, although a touch windy and we were pretty satisfied with the world, I thought how much I enjoyed laughter, chat and the company of those I love.

In the meantime I am now back in London and back to the old Fish Factory.  My normal routine of exercising has yet again taken a knocking with getting up late in the mornings.  Although I must admit to actually going out on two runs while up north and doing one session of skipping.  It's all in the mind.  Coming back the first week I'm not myself sad and keeping it all together as best I can.  This morning I got up late, but as I slowly extracted myself I spent an extra half hour in bed giving myself a very big hug and thinking of Sparkling as though I were in bed hugging her. What I do feel more than anything I have for a big part of my life, although a little fatter, I feel content and loved and in love and happy.  An inner warmth and smile which inexplicably pops up on my face when I think of my recent trip.  Being withdrawn from Sparkles has it's effect.  A couple of days ago I couldn't help but hit the pub, and enjoyed a little intoxication.  Three pints of Guinness did it.  Thing is; though I am happy I find I am fighting a battle in my mind, not just the contentment of being in love..  I crave more than anything, peace and serenity as the little voice in the head drives on and on.  Just those random thoughts which would keep you awake if you wanted to sleep but couldn't.  Those ones.  I now seek a purpose, a purpose of really working out who I am and how I can best reflect this each day of my life, because Sparkles makes me a better person.  Of how I can stay calm when faced with other people who flap about, and how I can stop my own instant reactions, which would normally be aversive.  Perhaps this is part of the nature of human kind.  Find the Ying to your Yang.  Then to put things in perspective and be our own best friend and not beholding to the opinions of others.  These are challenges which I am facing each day, and particularly at the Fish Factory.

Except of course for the one person I feel is the other half to me.  I don't mind this part at all.  Sparkling's stamp is on my forehead.  She challenges me and teaches me every single day.  I really must pay more attention to her feet next time.

Looking forward to seeing Sparkles

Shortly I will be off on a train heading up North, across the border and the land of Scotland to see the very beautiful and wonderful woman I call Sparkling Eyes.  I have been speaking to her this evening on the phone, because it would be useless trying to shout, a phone is much easier than even smoke signals or the beat of a drum.  Anyway, I was talking to Sparkles and she reminded me shortly of the next big birthday she'll be hitting but not presently.  I'll not say what it is, except to think those of you beyond a certain age will remember a famous TV police/detective program based in Hawaii, there's the clue.  Sparkling said she would not look this age when she hit it, I then agreed because she wouldn't at all in my eyes and her reply was along the lines of "but you do."  None of the I pay you a compliment if you pay me one.  Nope, not with Sparkles.  She will shoot from the hip and tell you as she sees it.  Sparkles always puts me in my place even when there is no need to put me anywhere.  Then afterwards I accept and get on with it.

When I hit those lands I will then have my own birthday and for a short period we will both be the same age.  The next day after my birthday Rock Chick goes to University and it will be her first day at Uni.  So all round it will be a wonderful event.  I may have to think of a different pseudonym for Rock Chick seeing she'll be a Uni girl.  Her course will be related to food and she is going to get a set of cooking knives, so she could be a knife throwing Uni girl.  No.  She might not like to be associated with throwing them.  Maybe something along the lines of Trainee Chef Uni Girl?   I'll just have to wait and see if something grabs me, as long as it's neither a knife or an electric whisk thrown in my direction I'm sure it will be OK with whatever pops to mind.  I sure hope she learns how to make a good chocolate cake.

It's odd how a longer than usual period of absence can effect me.  Absence from seeing Sparkles in particular, because this last few days I have  been pretty happy.  Happy and contented.  Just to be in her company and to see her.  Although I am being told she is having problems choosing a birthday present, the truth of the matter is, I don't care what she has chosen, spending time with Sparkles will more than fulfill my needs.

I also hear Dangerous Sports Lad is being good to Rock Chick so she is happy.  It's not odd to think all people need in their lives is a degree of happiness and contentment.  It makes me happy Rock is feeling good, I didn't want to order a hit on Dangerous, he's got his good sides, especially when he stops talking so much and lets other people say something.  It would also be better if he learnt to listen.  Of all the things the female species needs its someone who can listen.  It's only taken me a lifetime of studying psychology, but I'm getting there.  The only thing I need now is a map of the woman mind.  Maybe a map of Venus would be easier to obtain  O.K. a man might be able to listen, but he'd have to be gay to bloody understand them. 

Reactions and norms

Over the last few days I've witnessed something in action.  I'm going to call it the conscience reflex.  On a number of occasions in the last couple of weeks, individuals have approached me in an agitated mood.  One on the lower scale of of anger, being held in because the realms of their conscience is restraining them, then asked for something to be done.  In each case I've kept calm, didn't react, apologised if the case required it and then got on with what had to be done.  Shortly afterwards, those same individuals, as though from some inner conscience being pricked would talk to me with a more pleasant attitude.  As though they had realised their own actions may of been perceived in a poor light by me.   It was make-up behaviour.   Some kind of internal self awareness-scales were being put back into balance.  I don't mean to say this goes for everyone, but it must surely go for some people.  For those it don't work for it could be they don't care how their behaviour is perceived, they suffer from some kind of autism, they dislike me or they are psychotic.  If they are psychotic then their behaviour would of only been the edge of what might happen.  It does though make you wonder how common psychopaths are in real life.  They can't be too popular because we'd see instances all the time.  I could see the headline now "fat man murdered for stepping on toe"  and the assailant replying to the press "he stepped on my blue suede shoes."  Memo to self, don't step on anyone's shoes no matter what their colour.

Then again there are people we know, who do have distinctive behaviour which is on the border of normal and entering some other classification.  I should know because half the time Sparkling and I tell each other how normal we think we are in comparison to other members in our families.  No matter how much I want to believe I was somehow swapped at birth I can not deny the genetic similarities to my kin.  The only way around this would be get plastic surgery or wear a mask.  Then, on occasion Sparkling will say I'm not normal and show displays of odd behaviour.  I recall once when trying to purchase a book in a big store being frantic they didn't have the second of three books when I believed it was ridiculous and they should of.  If a set of books come in three then they should of had all three not just the first and last.  It makes sense.  Anyway Sparkles said I was stroppy.  But in my mind I had every right to be stroppy however, I really wasn't stroppy, I didn't think I was stroppy.  Not at all.  So perhaps, how other people perceive us is an indicator of whether we are normal.  But then what if the other person doing the observing isn't normal either?  What an enigma, because this means the realms of normal behaviour are wider than anyone can perceive.  What we perceive then becomes a narrow range of accepted behaviour or non accepted behaviour but get-over-it, or you get wound up by it behaviour.

There can not be such a thing as normal.  I could go walking down the street in an onion suit and get starred at, or worse get taken away by men in white coats and put into a secure facility.  Better than a local take-away thinking I really was a vegetable.  However, were there a whole bunch of people all dressed up in onion suits walking down the road, it would be a group norm and likely to be more readily accepted no matter how many observers turned their heads.  I'd only hope we didn't smell like them as well.  Then again there's a lot you can get used to.