It's been a week since returning from my trip to see Sparkling Eyes. She reminded me I had been neglecting her feet and hadn't massaged them enough this time round. Usually she said, her feet were soft and supple and had been revitalised. Mind, Sparkles did have to do a little bit of work now and again, so I didn't see her all the time so this may have contributed to my neglection of foot duties.
One one afternoon out we decided to head towards the local golf course so I would get a chance at hitting some balls on the range. It's a lovely place, littered with adjacent log cabins which can be hired, a large lake, rolling hills and a little leisure complex. After my abysmal failure at hitting golf balls and doing a Sevvy Balistaros come Tiger Woods impression we went and had a drink and food in the restaurant. Rock Chick sat opposite and looked very much the young growing up adult she is. She had ordered what was her favourite fad at the moment, Rosemarie prawns and a glass of red wine. Which was a little odd to watch. As she tucked into her prawns on pieces of brown breaded toast and sipped so divinely from her glass. I felt she was becoming very much the adult. Young, happy, go lucky, and in her own way Sparkling. Smiling and making jokes. She is growing up every day and what a beautiful young lady she is. I could see the resemblances and the finger prints Sparkling had put on Rock Chick. The naughty sense of humour, the right of speaking out for herself. Which is something I always love. When people, no matter who they are can challenge me and speak their mind. Together Sparkles and Rock Chick are a formidable team. I have learnt I can not beat them in an argument, because of course no man can beat a woman in a game of logic. Their logic is not as straight as you might think. Or rather, pretty meandering and somehow getting to a point which was not the point of the argument anyway, but a point. Rock looked so happy, and it was good to be on a nearly fully adult level. We looked out of the window over our drinks and also noticed people looking up at a nest of swallows. The sun was out, although a touch windy and we were pretty satisfied with the world, I thought how much I enjoyed laughter, chat and the company of those I love.
In the meantime I am now back in London and back to the old Fish Factory. My normal routine of exercising has yet again taken a knocking with getting up late in the mornings. Although I must admit to actually going out on two runs while up north and doing one session of skipping. It's all in the mind. Coming back the first week I'm not myself sad and keeping it all together as best I can. This morning I got up late, but as I slowly extracted myself I spent an extra half hour in bed giving myself a very big hug and thinking of Sparkling as though I were in bed hugging her. What I do feel more than anything I have for a big part of my life, although a little fatter, I feel content and loved and in love and happy. An inner warmth and smile which inexplicably pops up on my face when I think of my recent trip. Being withdrawn from Sparkles has it's effect. A couple of days ago I couldn't help but hit the pub, and enjoyed a little intoxication. Three pints of Guinness did it. Thing is; though I am happy I find I am fighting a battle in my mind, not just the contentment of being in love.. I crave more than anything, peace and serenity as the little voice in the head drives on and on. Just those random thoughts which would keep you awake if you wanted to sleep but couldn't. Those ones. I now seek a purpose, a purpose of really working out who I am and how I can best reflect this each day of my life, because Sparkles makes me a better person. Of how I can stay calm when faced with other people who flap about, and how I can stop my own instant reactions, which would normally be aversive. Perhaps this is part of the nature of human kind. Find the Ying to your Yang. Then to put things in perspective and be our own best friend and not beholding to the opinions of others. These are challenges which I am facing each day, and particularly at the Fish Factory.
Except of course for the one person I feel is the other half to me. I don't mind this part at all. Sparkling's stamp is on my forehead. She challenges me and teaches me every single day. I really must pay more attention to her feet next time.
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