Well it's a day off work and I don't know what to do with myself. The
new Ukulele delivered yesterday, is not impressing at the moment.
Either I'm not skilled enough to appreciate it or there is something
wrong with the product, so I scratch my head wondering what it could be.
If it comes to it I'll have to return it back to the online shop I got
it from. I had thought about going out to bet a new pair of shoes or
boots. This didn't happen. I had thought of laying in bed a bit longer
than normal, this didn't happen, the sun came out and being constantly
woken up by outside sources made sleep yet another intermittent affair. I
thought, well, I need to relax, I really have a great need to chill out
as the Fish Factory has been mentally stressful. There's a constant
tinnitus now in my ears and I don't know if this is high blood pressure,
stress or just a hearing problem. Were I to go partially deaf it might
even be an advantage. Otherwise were I to fall over and have a stroke,
gurgling saliva and not being able to function this would be a distinct
disadvantage. Heck, a bloody distinct disadvantage. Being a vegetable
was not part of a future CV. What I did do was avoid the funeral of an
ex prime minister. Which in itself is a great event. Shall I send a
complaint to the BBC about the song they refuse to play? It's a
possibility. At last I got out of the house, got away from watching old
movies and have done something. I could of gone for some exercise. Got
on my bike and just cycled, but didn't. However, chilling in a nice pub
with an expensive cup of coffee, laptop on and fingers dancing over the
keys is the best necessary option at this time.
Yesterday
at the Fish Factory I needed time to think and I need peace and quiet.
But this is not something which can happen in an open planned
environment. Not one which is designed along the lines of a car park.
Except with a carpet and desks. After having an argument with a Fish
who wouldn't listen to what I had to say and had the notion if they just
kept on repeating themselves the situation would change and I'd do what
they asked. Of course this didn't happen. After having enough of
ranting and raving, I advised them I was going to put the phone down. I
did. At this moment a moment of relief came over me. Some people just
come across as mentally ill when they think they are better and know
more and by out shouting, screaming or vicious circle argument think
something will be achieved. I sat there looking the monitor, needing a
moment to collect my thoughts. A moment to get back on with the work I
get paid to do. The peace did not come. I knew it wouldn't. There must
be a way to accept and deal with these workplace turmoils. One which
doesn't involve being mentally abused or having a lingering effect of
the mental abuse bestowed by other people in this world. I refuse to
accept situations change me and control me and sometimes grasp onto this
thought with both hands and tight. I will keep myself calm and
composed. It's a fact there are frequent situations where people do not
agree with what I say. Not because they are right, but because they are
wrong and they are emotionally embroiled in the belief they are right.
There is only so much bending backwards I can do before I start to see
the back of my heels and this has happened too much. The buzzing in my
ears is still there, I need two or three months off work. Unfortunately
in the fast paced environment of the Fish Factory such a time would be
an eternity. Too many things change. Sit down for five minutes and
you'll find a layer of dust on your head.
Perhaps it is
a holiday I need. One away from it all. One in another country. A
place where relaxation is the main item on the agenda. Of course
Sparkling will come along as well, she works hard and needs the break
equally. There is only so many days, seconds, minutes in a life so using
them wisely and breaking out of the chains of stress and strains seems
like a good idea. A very good idea, now just to find the time the place
and...
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