A few years back Sparkling had a external tap installed, to allow her to water the garden. It was put in using a kit bought from a large DIY store by her brother L & B man. However, the pipe was made of a tough plastic, it ran under the kitchen mains, through the wall and out onto the back garden wall. It had been taped into the mains probably by some kind of self tapping screw device. When I saw it, I didn't like the thing. Outside taps should be permanent things attached to copper piping in my mind. Then one day last year something happened and it began to leak under the sink. A constant drip, over time the entire kitchen lino floor got soaked. Sparkling had said to me it was squigy. It certainly was. I pulled up the lino and all the floor boards were wet. Then to try and stop this I turned the valve off on the DIY bodge up version of an outside tap. It stopped leaking and the kitchen was left with no floor covering for a few weeks in order to let the wood dry out.
However, even though I had said to Sparkling the tap should not be used because it needs to be repaired she decided to turn the valve on and use the hose. Coming back into the house she turned the valve back off yet it did not stop dripping again. She sent me a message asking where the adjustable spanner was because she was going to tighten it up. After which I rang her and we had a conversation. The spanner was probably lost, I said she should not touch the valve. Sparkling on the other knew all it needed was a little tightening and it would be OK. I got chastised for being negative. I advised she might need to get to the cock stop and I said this also wasn't properly working so it might mean getting a T bar. In turn her reply was it would be unnecessary and it was silly to think the water had to be turned off. I said she will probably need to ring the fire brigade if she didn't have a T bar. Which I knew she didn't. Advising the best thing to do would be to call a plumber in because the pipe fitting should never of been put in anyway. Her response was how absurd was I being saying she'd need the fire brigade to come and turn the water off for the street. I was over exaggerating. She could not understand the mains outside was just for her house and not and in comedic fashion laughed at me. In defence I asked who knew more about plumbing myself or her. This question was battered away like an irritating fly, with did I know how much it was going to cost to call a plumber on a Saturday. I had an idea it was going to be expensive but I also knew Sparkling was going to do whatever she was going to do with or without my permission because whatever I said was of no meaning or value to her. Now it was a matter of her being right and me being wrong. She went next door and got a spanner. I thought to myself, I'm going to stay out of this and let her get on with it. In a couple of hours time I would text her and see how it went.
Sparkling enlisted more help from her neighbour and from L n B man, as she and they went at the valve with an adjustable spanner and tightened it up. The leak had stopped. I sent a message asking if she needed to book a seat on the Ark. She thought I was being cheeky and said it was all fine. So the pessimist was wrong.
Two hours later. Instead of a dripping valve it had become a gush. Fortunately, Sparkling was still in the house, she had intended to go out but sat reading some political debates on her tablet. It was during this restful period, the bodge up fitting had exploded because she had over tightened it.. About this time I was watching a youtube videos and was overtaken by a Tango flash mob in Spain and sent a text to Sparkling saying I wanted to be in a flash mob. There was no reply. I left it at that wondering what more had happened. In turn Sparkling called L & B man who came in record time. She answered the door, she looked a mess, drenched, wet towels in her hands, very stressed out. She'd already had 7 towels on the line and it had broken under the weight. L & B man rescued the day, he stopped the water and rushed off to get the plumbing parts to fix it. Somehow the washing machine also had to be re-plumbed back in and fortunately there already were some fittings left in
I was glad that little Princess J was not there at the time. For she has some kind of affinity with water and when she says the word she says it in holy reverence, pronouncing it as Watt-eeerrrrr and inevitable awwe. She's the kind of 2 year old who likes to do the washing up so she can play with the washing up water and also drink it even though it is dirty, and soapy. It would suggest she might be a late developer but it is hard to tell at such a young age. Maybe the brain cells will kick in at some point and she'll stop drinking the stuff and leave the poor cat alone rather than run after him shouting at the top of her lungs MOW. Thinking of cat, I'm sure he made himself scare at this time.
Later in the evening I rang Sparkling and found out it was all my fault. For I was the one who should of got the thing fixed, I was the one who should also have put up a new washing line and if I made any kind of a judgemental comment on the phone she was going to put it down on me and that would be the end of the conversation. She'd had an awful day. It was difficult but I was as sympathetic as I could be and had to bite my tongue to stop myself saying the inevitable words "I told you so." I'm glad I didn't for Sparkling would of killed me when I next got the chance to see her. For as always she says I get brave when I'm on the end of a telephone and not in person. The other thing about being on the phone is she would be able to tell I was smiling. Memo to self, start watching more plumbing videos on Youtube because the flash mob ones will not be of any help next time this happens.
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