36 hours without food

The problem with getting old is the lack of exercise.  Motivation dose not exit to hit the gym and sweat like a pig for a couple of hours and leave with an endorphin high. It is just too much work, too tiring and overly disciplined. It's something best left to the younger people who probably like to view themselves in full length mirrors. They like to look at themselves which is always very funny to see. I was a runner and my exercise usually consisted of stretching followed by a period on the treadmill and some weights. Running while going nowhere is mind numbingly boring and mostly a necessity in the Autumn come Winter time. The other good effect about exercising is weight control and it's possible to stuff your face as much as you like because it all gets burned off in the end. Except when old and not exercising. The weight now collects itself around my mid section and I worry about barely being able to see my feet. Let alone entire body starting to break down and sag. Loss of hair, man boobs, aches and pains. It's not a nice thing.

A year or more ago I heard of the five days on two days off diet. As a way to control weight and actually lose some. Unlike other diets which require the conscious change in eating habits this one doesn't change what you eat but rather how often you do eat. In a single week two days are taken off from eating at all. In ideal circumstances these days should be consecutive, which is asking a lot for a little tubby fellow like myself.  So 36 hours ago I decided to take some time off from food, because I really do need to lose a little weight.  Another secondary reason is it is cheap, because for 36 hours I didn't need to buy any food either. Great news for my wallet. I really am fed up with being as fat as I am and unfortunately getting glimpsed side looks from reflections in windows viewing the gut. The thing which extends over my belt. Further when having a bath it seems the bath water rises up higher than it used to, which is a demonstration of physics in reality. The water displace by my belly moves up, if I didn't float as much as I do now I'd drown.  Once upon a time, my core muscles used to be so tight and I was so slim it was a problem keeping my trousers from falling down so my belt was pulled tight. Whereas now the problem is wondering whether the seat is going to split if bending over and stretching them too much. Or whether there are enough holes in the belt, I even got one of those hole punctures.  Now bending over can be difficult. It is not at all a pretty sight. It had been a while since I last tried this fasting so it was interesting to identify what was happening yesterday and whether my clothes still fit.

Not having food for 36 hours didn't stop me from farting. Yep, I still farted throughout the day and used the toilet. What I did do is drink a lot of liquids because it is summer as well and this was good. There was a moment in the afternoon come evening when there were some stomach rumbles but I've now started to employ the cognitive method of coping. Simply engage your mind in something different make it occupied. The belt on my trousers had to be tightened and was more stable during the day when normally it would be loosened and tightened depending on when I ate. The usual intense postprandial need to sleep was still there after what would of been my lunchtime break. Except I hadn't eaten so this tiredness could be related to lack of sleep due to hot summer nights or it's just habitual. I generally just sit in a chair and close my eyes napping for a burst of ten to fifteen minutes. It partly shakes it off, but not all the time. I wasn't grumpy or tired generally over the day, but what I did feel was more energy and even alert. Perhaps the blood which would of gone to my gut had nowhere to migrate so fuelled my brain. What I did do was try and keep the image of getting an accidental view of my profile, thinking about this belly and how typically middle aged I looked. This was my motivation and I should now try and use this every week even if it is one day out of seven. The other thing I notice was the taste in my mouth and teeth, it felt like it needed a good brush and wash out. Possibly this was a combination of gastric liquids being intensified, or even mouth bacteria screaming for food to live off. The mental alertness levels lasted throughout the entire day. Which kind of striked me, there must be a optimal balance where the right sleep, food and drink consumption puts the body in a place of feeling awake and alert.

Maybe one of the lessons of life is to do things which are good for yourself but unpleasant. As the saying goes too much of a good thing is bad. However, over time the human body changes, it doesn't metabolise so fast and eating at the same rate will mean obesity. The biggest disease affecting modern day society, unless you happen to be in a country at crisis is being fat.  Regardless I must admit to enjoying breakfast this morning but will do my best to eat sensibly today and not try to make up for 36 hours of fasting by 36 hours of gluttony. Perhaps even a little exercise would be a good thing?

Flatulenence or the farts to anyone else

Flatulence is one of those nice words given to an act which can result in people fleeing your vicinity, fast. I once read if you needed to get somewhere in a crowded room fast to pretend you were about to puke. It is a small snippet of information picked up from Hunter Thompson's book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas which is all about getting high on drugs.  Now puking is considered something which can not help because you are either ill or drunk and to do so in public I'd hope was down to being sick. There is a sympathy element because everybody has puked once in a while and it is not a nice thing to do. Similarly everybody farts every single day and several times a day. I used to think my partner Sparkling Eyes never farted at all, I don't know how she did it but I found out she did as you always do when you are male and a female tries to hide something away about herself but is going to come out at some time or other. Regardless, it didn't stop me thinking of her in a less respectful way, it meant my partner was human and not a lizard eating alien. What a relief. A little like the relief of an ever bloating stomach which eventual leads to one hell of an exploding fart. Which reminds me of work.

Farting monkeys

There are times when eating too many carbohydrates has a certain affect on the belly. It's not just about putting on weight it is for those sensitive persons who can help but let a rip roaring fart every now and again. Or maybe just letting lots and lots of little ones off like secret bombs. I must confess to doing the both of these on a regular basis when eating too many carbs. Particularly white carbs. Breads, cakes and rice are the biggest culprits. On these occasions there is no alternative but to go to the toilet as frequently as possible during the day. Drink as much liquids as I can and just keep on visiting. I therefore would be no good as an individual who is glued to their seat in a job which would not let me roam about free as the wind once in a while. The worst thing of all is working in an office with a majority of women in it. For women are sensitive to smells, they are always putting on perfumes and I must admit to finding the odd whiff of perfume sprayed nearby which heads my direction. Even this week I thought one of them had must of puffed their fumes on my shoulder as I sat there diligently working and doing my best not to let the explosive farts explode. The problem being that loud farts are like someone with one of those incredibly large foam hands and a finger pointing, just walking along and then pointing it directly at your arse. Everybody knows. Hence running to the toilet as often as possible, taking a short sit down break and just ripping away. What a flipping relief.  It's at times like this the individual sitting in the next cubicle who is more concerned with the smart phone than their guts gets up an leaves. The toilet is the appropriate place for farts and anything else arse wise but it is not a comfy seat to sit down catch up with text messages or playing another level on a game you're addicted. But yet there are employees who disappear off to the loo just for this reason and I must admit to it being a pet hate. If they are going to sit there and read the latest football scores I am going to sit there and make it as unpleasant as I can with a big exploding fart. See how long the footy interests you then Pal!  What a waste of space.

So inherently human beings fart and I don't know why it is considered disgusting. Except of course for the pungent ones, we all do it, it is a natural fact of life.  Further it is not just humans who fart, every animal under the sun farts. We've all had pet dogs or cats who would lay there sleeping as if butter would not melt in their mouth, being so very cute suddenly let of a fart. My wonderful old cat Tigger was a right old wind bag as he got aged.  He was beautiful but boy those purrs came at an expense.  The same happens when your dog is allowed in the bed room just as want to get a little more sleep.  Dogs eat anything so in respect they are going to fart a lot. 

Some diets will make you more prone to farting and for me it is the carbs I have no doubt in it. And the baked beans eaten late one evening only to reappear in another form the entire next day. We are not taught what to eat and how to eat as we grow up. We don't know what a balanced diet is, our national dishes are full of carbs and the national vegetable is pure carb. Perhaps it is to do with the microbial flora and forna of the gut, not being quite up to scratch in some instances. Then surely you'd of thought there would be a yoghurt drink to replace all those important microbes and get the gut back in to working fashion but not as gaseous.  If the smell was taken away then farting would be a minor inconvenience and nobody would say a thing. But there is discrimination against farters, it is especially held against those who cant help it and have exploding arses.  People turn their head when they hear the sound, the rip, the roar and they expect their air space to be shortly invaded. This discrimination is unfair because the deadly and silent get away with it. Nobody knows who they are, and they sit there hidden smile on their face never owning up to the stink bomb they just let off.  In my mind loud farters should get medals, they should be patted on the back and advised on dietary

matters whereas the silent dudes need to be lined up against a wall and shot. Well maybe not shot, but certainly shamed. Go and fart somewhere else you silent farting disgusting individual, yes we know you can't help it and we may well be in your same spot shortly. But for this present moment while the pungency has not dispersed you are the spawn of satan.

To tell the truth it all seems a little over dramatic if you ask me.

Two habits, not quiet a third and the farts

The 1000 word a day challenge has now reached day 17, it's surprising how fast it goes, but it certainly is a challenge and leaves me with little energy to write a here.  Which is my excuse anyway.  I now have two regular things I do each evening. One write a 1000 words and two play on Harvey.  I should really fit in there a third which would be some kind of exercise to get fit, lose weight and be healthier.  However there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. However, the reminder comes and slaps me in the face every time I put on a particular shirt which used to fit me but doesn't now. Especially around the waist where I can feel a tight pull.  I'm hoping eating chilli with your food speeds up metabolism, being on account it is spicy and fire like.  So maybe my stomach kicks into overdrive.  However at the rate I eat it looks like my breakfast, lunch and dinner should be nothing but bowls of chilli vegetables.  I blame the chilli sauce in my chicken noodle soup today for the farts.  Sparkling will be glad I'm not near her. Mind her occasional sinus problem is useful and avoids me having to worry about being told off for farting. It's got to be an age thing, and a food thing.  I'll have to check out micro bacteria yoghurt things maybe they will help.