Sunday morning insomnia

It seems the insomnia has decided to pop it's head over the wall again and take a look in on me. I an hear it saying "what's he think he's doing sleeping, well lets put paid to that!" After which it is like a light is switched on in my head and bingo full house. Completely alert but eyes closed laying in bed going through the usual list of insomniac thoughts. Which go something along the tracks of

1.Do I stay or do I go, lay here with eyes closed keeping still and trying to sleep again, in some lost belief it will come back again. I will find it like a long lost trinket and feel comfortable again. Sometimes this works and the early morning hours have just provided an interlude to what was a delightful sleep. OK wake up later than usual but you still feel you've had restful moment or two.

2. Reach for my phone, check the time, think to myself oh it is just after 2 a.m. I've slept for a little more than two or three hours. Can I get by on only this much sleep in a day? The answer is inevitably no I can't.  Then I wonder should I get my laptop, should I go and make a drink, if I open my eyes will they still be heavy and tired.  Now this is probably the hardest thing for an insomniac to deal with. Exceedingly heavy eyes and still being very much awake and conscious. Heavy eyelids don't mean automatic sleep. They just mean your eyes are tired and need rest.  Yet if you are conscious the oxymoron is you can't open your eyes and have to lay there in torturous torment,

3. Toss and turn and find another position to lay in. Because the insomnia is down to being not sleep comfortable.  This happens every single time the light in my head is switched on, it's natural, just try a little change in position. After which maybe a half hour passes then position is changed again and again. Always hoping somehow sleep will revisit it's kindly gaze. Yet it doesn't.

The morning soon arrives because it has already arrived but several hours earlier than expected. Like no one gets up to head to work at an unearthly hour, even if it could be a pretty productive time in the office. The systems will be down, the doors closed. There will be nobody in, no one to bump into, unless of course they to were fellow insomniacs and then we could have an  insomniacs club and probably not get on with any work anyway. Funny though how at such early times in the morning the mind can feel so absolutely awake and alert, focused when it knows it should not be. Perhaps we are tied to tightly to the notion of following a 24 hour clock, what would the world be like if everyone was conscious at the times they wanted to do and didn't follow a routine. There would then be no such thing as a typical working day for every working day could be atypical. What a thought.

It's now 5:30 a.m. and I've been physically up only an hour but actually awake three hours or more and now I can feel myself actually starting to feel tired again. So ironic, I can't help thinking there has got to be something wrong with my body clock, or is it my mind. I hope not. Somebody get me a shrink.