Sometimes I just don't know what is happening to me, if I didn't check to see whether my bollocks were still there I'd of thought I just changed into a woman. Such is the power of watching emotional moments on youtube videos. This entire morning has been a drag and now it is a disaster as streams of tears flow from my eyes, I just can't do it anymore, I have to close down youtube and get out of this environment. For listed down the side of suggested vids is one after the other of tear jerkers.
It all began with watching a video about a mum talking to Dr Phil and confronting the parents of the teenager who had bullied her daughter. This was a bit odd in some ways for even the bully's parents considered the whole thing joke. Perhaps Dr Phil was not the right place for any of them to be. The next video was of a young lad who got bullied at school he was a large fat kid, and the bully was smaller, skinnier and insistent of trying to punch the fat kid in the face. He just kept on doing it, while someone was clearly recording the incident, probably to use it as a viral internet bullying record. The fat kid had enough he just picked up the skinny little one then threw him on the floor. That was all. The skinny runt was dazed and got up but stopped hitting him. I had seen a video a little like this before when the Gracie family got involved. They invented Brazilian jujitsu (BJJ). They in turn offered the victim free classes in jujitsu, which I thought was very good of them. One of the things I'd love to learn would be BJJ. But the real tear jerker was saved for last. It was of a couple going to a dog rescue centre in America. They were going to take in a bitch who just gave birth to 5 puppies. On the way they saw a small dog tied to a fence, sitting in it's own urine and faeces. They unchanged it and decided to keep it. Apparently it costs $25 to hand if your dog to the rescue centre so it's common for them to be tied up not far away in the knowledge at some time they will get rescued. They just can't afford it. The couple went to the centre and there they got into conversation with a member of staff and found they were talking about different dogs and puppies. In an ironic twist of fate they took in two sets of bitches and two sets of puppies. In all they ended up with 15 dogs. I thought they had actually given the chance of life to all these dogs which would of been exterminated otherwise. I can't consider how desperate people must be to give up their own family pets. It seems to me looking after dependent house pets is a bit like looking after people who are elderly or sick. It is a moral issue, one which should be done because it is human. Yet, in America with they have the world's worse health care system. So privatised and corrupt it is nothing more than a machine for making money to shareholders. Although Obama might of tried to do something about it, it's a fully broken system. I know for sure the health system in Cuba is a million times better. It's socialist and it's free. The very last video I watched was of returning armed forces personnel who had surprised their families. In one video while a family photo was being taken a marine stepped into it behind the grouping. A woman then looked at him and realised he was her son. In another video the camera person was in the sea, talking to two smaller girls and a woman. They asked what they will do when their dad/husband turned up. The girls said they would tell him they love him and always would, the wife said she would say "come here I want your body." Then in the back ground you see the water disturbed as someone is swimming close to the surface towards the small group. Only to stand up in full frog gear. It's the husband/dad. He says "Mrs S, I'm Mr S and reporting for duty. " I cried and cried.
I blame it on the rain. If it wasn't raining I'd of gone out on a long walk and then returned after another long walk. I spoke to Sparkling Eyes and she was indoors as well, apparently it was raining in Scotland as well as London. Sounds like we both need rescuing.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Temptation the breaker of diets
Today I have taken two steps back on my diet. Now this happens once in a while, it's like the desire to pig out on crap food is more than I can cope. As the saying goes
No truer a work was spoken by Oscar Wild. Possibly this desire was the result of a busy though boring day at the Fish Factory. As always there is very little time to get anything done and still hundreds of emails drop into my tray, so I took a day of ignoring them and am sure something will explode like a hippopotamus with constipation and a bloated belly.
The day has definitely been boring and this led me to get off the bus earlier when going home. I took a detour and by some remarkable quirk of fate passed a church which had it's door open and a sandwich board standing out side. I read the print and though behold like the burning bush of fire and tablet of commitments the sign said "Slimming Club." However the forces of gluttony were at work, they were driving me forward like a frenzy of galloping horses on LSD. So it was I marched pass the sign with no real second thought at all, because there was a plan in my head. It went along the lines of, first get a bottle of diet coke then hit the chip shop then head home. The coke was essential because it works so well with Jack Daniel's, however, I didn't get the coke first and meandered past the chip shop because there was still a hesitant part of my brain which hadn't quite bought into the need to eat carbohydrates and put on a couple of pounds this evening. Thing is the hesitant bit was distracted, that's exactly what it was for a man in the shop spoke out the words "why don't you come in?" Shite, that was it, I had been hooked. A few minutes later I walked out of Frank's chip shop with an open portion of chips and the proprietor had thrown in a free roast potato, fecking great, just what fat lad needed.
So now in my boated belly state I sit drinking a diet coke and JD, diet on account I am still on a diet and need to rid even more pounds than I did this morning. The thing is since the Chrimbo holidays I have managed to actually lose 7 or 8 pounds, my target being at least a stone. It's been slow going and will be in reverse if I keep this up. Oh temptation what am I going to do about you, why do you haunt me and play cat and mouse with my desires with little warning?
In the meantime I hear of Rock Chick, Dangerous Sports lad and Princess J have all been ill, they have some kind of stomach bug which means it's flow out of both ends. If only I had that bug, I'd pay to have that bug. No work for a couple of days and life spent on the John. When speaking to Sparkling Eyes this evening I told her of my awful break on the diet front. How I needed to get a phone-a-friend-diet-buddy, to help talk me through these episodes. Her reply was she'd probably not of picked up the phone on account of being busy and then she went into play with my desires and say I would be wanting to eat the mini pork pies in the fridge.
If only I were slim again, the dilemma over food wouldn't be a problem, it would all be burnt off exercising, running and hitting the gym. Unfortunately the only thing I been hitting is my own conscience by giving into temptation. All I need is the strength of Hercules but in the form of will power. Someone give us break, or a bight.
I can resist everything except temptation
No truer a work was spoken by Oscar Wild. Possibly this desire was the result of a busy though boring day at the Fish Factory. As always there is very little time to get anything done and still hundreds of emails drop into my tray, so I took a day of ignoring them and am sure something will explode like a hippopotamus with constipation and a bloated belly.
The day has definitely been boring and this led me to get off the bus earlier when going home. I took a detour and by some remarkable quirk of fate passed a church which had it's door open and a sandwich board standing out side. I read the print and though behold like the burning bush of fire and tablet of commitments the sign said "Slimming Club." However the forces of gluttony were at work, they were driving me forward like a frenzy of galloping horses on LSD. So it was I marched pass the sign with no real second thought at all, because there was a plan in my head. It went along the lines of, first get a bottle of diet coke then hit the chip shop then head home. The coke was essential because it works so well with Jack Daniel's, however, I didn't get the coke first and meandered past the chip shop because there was still a hesitant part of my brain which hadn't quite bought into the need to eat carbohydrates and put on a couple of pounds this evening. Thing is the hesitant bit was distracted, that's exactly what it was for a man in the shop spoke out the words "why don't you come in?" Shite, that was it, I had been hooked. A few minutes later I walked out of Frank's chip shop with an open portion of chips and the proprietor had thrown in a free roast potato, fecking great, just what fat lad needed.
So now in my boated belly state I sit drinking a diet coke and JD, diet on account I am still on a diet and need to rid even more pounds than I did this morning. The thing is since the Chrimbo holidays I have managed to actually lose 7 or 8 pounds, my target being at least a stone. It's been slow going and will be in reverse if I keep this up. Oh temptation what am I going to do about you, why do you haunt me and play cat and mouse with my desires with little warning?
In the meantime I hear of Rock Chick, Dangerous Sports lad and Princess J have all been ill, they have some kind of stomach bug which means it's flow out of both ends. If only I had that bug, I'd pay to have that bug. No work for a couple of days and life spent on the John. When speaking to Sparkling Eyes this evening I told her of my awful break on the diet front. How I needed to get a phone-a-friend-diet-buddy, to help talk me through these episodes. Her reply was she'd probably not of picked up the phone on account of being busy and then she went into play with my desires and say I would be wanting to eat the mini pork pies in the fridge.
If only I were slim again, the dilemma over food wouldn't be a problem, it would all be burnt off exercising, running and hitting the gym. Unfortunately the only thing I been hitting is my own conscience by giving into temptation. All I need is the strength of Hercules but in the form of will power. Someone give us break, or a bight.
Saturday, March 21, 2015
A boring Saturday
Well my Saturday has so far been a blank tablet, tabla rasa or to interpret a blank slate on which nothing has been achieved. Maybe not completely nothing, I did a film review of American Sniper and have been watching Youtube videos. The type of video I should not be watching. Ghosts, polotogiests, conspiracy theories about aliens and governments. So all in all it has been a productive Saturday. Oh nearly forgot I'm still spending a good part of the day dabbling in a facebook online game which needs constant updating in order to progress. This also is a solitary thing I do because I just don't like playing in a group even though the game is set up as a group activity. Why have facebook friends I'm never going to meet. In fact the definition of friend should also mean someone you actual see. Sparkling Eyes bombed me out this morning as she was doing her gardening so would not speak to me but we caught up this afternoon. At last. The walls are not closing in on me so at the moment Cabin Fever is being kept at bay. As a mild tangent to the day I checked the weather report only to find next Tuesday is predicted to have frost and possible snow. Wonderful, so now it looks like Winter is dragging on to take down some of Spring as well. I don't know if it is me but it seems like we've had half a year of crap weather.
Yesterday I checked out facebook to see a picture of Princess J, whilst her mummy was out and daddy had fallen asleep she decided to get her little fingers on mummy's lipstick. Although she probably ate as much as she got on her lips and cheeks. I couldn't help but laugh and laugh. I have now seen the picture a dozen times and just love to see the Little Princess's cheeky face. This is the face of a mischievous adventurer who feels she has been put on this world to explore it in every sense. She has to get out and about and then she has to stay out and about as long as possible. Not liking to be kept up locked indoors more than a day at most. Sparkling took Princess to a local children's playground, and while there she slid down the slide and then climbed up the slide, threw her dolly down the slide and then went down after it. On the swings she had to stand on the seat and hold on but when both I and Sparkling had our own hands on her to keep her safe she was unhappy, wriggled about and said "no" in her demanding voice. Like she knew what she was doing, what she wanted and it certainly did not involve any adult safety measures. She stood there and successfully managed to swing back and forth. I'll grant it was a gentle and small swinging motion while I and Sparkling had our hands at the ready to catch her. She let go with one hand and began to fall forward. Sparkling was there. But Princess J did her own thing because it was what she wanted to do and she doesn't understand the consequences of what happens when she lets go. All the time she smiled and laughed and had great fun. It's amazing how infectious having fun with a small child can be. Maybe this is one of the reasons people have children, this as well as the enjoyment of making the child in the first place. lol.
It has not even been a week and I am missing Sparkling. In this evening's chat she told me how a pizza for two was calling out in her freezer waiting to be eaten, that she to missed me. I then saw an image of us in the kitchen with the pizza and putting our own choice of toppings on it. Sparkling would go for a generous helping of extra mature cheese, we'd throw extra green/red peppers ontop and when it came out there would be either chilli flakes or jalopeno peppers sliced up. It's good watching TV in Sparkling's company. I felt a tear or two trickle down from my eyes as I thought about it. It will likely be about six or seven weeks before I get to see her again, so I'll just have to hold it together for the time being, book my leave and pay for a train ticket.
Yesterday I checked out facebook to see a picture of Princess J, whilst her mummy was out and daddy had fallen asleep she decided to get her little fingers on mummy's lipstick. Although she probably ate as much as she got on her lips and cheeks. I couldn't help but laugh and laugh. I have now seen the picture a dozen times and just love to see the Little Princess's cheeky face. This is the face of a mischievous adventurer who feels she has been put on this world to explore it in every sense. She has to get out and about and then she has to stay out and about as long as possible. Not liking to be kept up locked indoors more than a day at most. Sparkling took Princess to a local children's playground, and while there she slid down the slide and then climbed up the slide, threw her dolly down the slide and then went down after it. On the swings she had to stand on the seat and hold on but when both I and Sparkling had our own hands on her to keep her safe she was unhappy, wriggled about and said "no" in her demanding voice. Like she knew what she was doing, what she wanted and it certainly did not involve any adult safety measures. She stood there and successfully managed to swing back and forth. I'll grant it was a gentle and small swinging motion while I and Sparkling had our hands at the ready to catch her. She let go with one hand and began to fall forward. Sparkling was there. But Princess J did her own thing because it was what she wanted to do and she doesn't understand the consequences of what happens when she lets go. All the time she smiled and laughed and had great fun. It's amazing how infectious having fun with a small child can be. Maybe this is one of the reasons people have children, this as well as the enjoyment of making the child in the first place. lol.
It has not even been a week and I am missing Sparkling. In this evening's chat she told me how a pizza for two was calling out in her freezer waiting to be eaten, that she to missed me. I then saw an image of us in the kitchen with the pizza and putting our own choice of toppings on it. Sparkling would go for a generous helping of extra mature cheese, we'd throw extra green/red peppers ontop and when it came out there would be either chilli flakes or jalopeno peppers sliced up. It's good watching TV in Sparkling's company. I felt a tear or two trickle down from my eyes as I thought about it. It will likely be about six or seven weeks before I get to see her again, so I'll just have to hold it together for the time being, book my leave and pay for a train ticket.
Monday, March 02, 2015
A spine tingling chill followed by ninja flu
I have been hit with the flu, it began on a Thursday, but not obviously. Sitting at a desk while working a chill crawled up my spine. What is this chill I thought? Looking around the Fish Factory I could see some windows open. The windows are always opened by people who sit in the hottest part of the office and noticeably they are usually women in the cycle of hormonal change. Their flushings affect everybody. But still these women will continue to sit in the hottest part of the office and wear jumpers and then open the window. You couldn't write a comedy sketch on how nonsensical it is. They will sit there and complain about the heat but are so wrapped up an Eskimo would be jealous. In the meantime every other poor sod shivers away and some even put a coat on in the office. Yet the menopausal woman will not acknowledge anything and just say "isn't it hot in here?" I usually turn around and give them the evil stare, thinking through my evil stare thoughts well why the hell don't you take off your angora jumper and thermal underwear you so proudly tell everyone you wear. I once asked one woman to close the window because it was could and she said the inevitable "but i'm hot" to which I replied "why don't you take your cardigan off then" and then she looked at me like I was the idiot. Hell no, this cardigan is glued to my body, I was born with it and I will die with it and it is not leaving my body. So it is with hormonal menopausal women there's not much you can do because it's not just their body flushings sometimes, not always their brains are affected. Give me a break.
So the Friday came, I still goes into the Fish Factory and know something is going well so I wear a jumper all day long. My eyes are starting to stream and the headache is about to kick in. Like a Ninja the virus has crept up on me and began it's attack in earnest and I hadn't quite understood this. By lunch time it is bad, but being a soldier I struggle on. it's going to be a short day for me. I get out as soon as I can and head home. In the door, up the stairs and straight into bed. I stay in bed for approximately 36 hours, the first 24 shivering constantly even though I've borrowed the same Eskimos quilt to keep warm I'm just not hormonal and cant stop a quivering. I might of been a long time in bed but it felt like I didn't sleep a wink my body was at some homoeostatic point and losing the battle against the virus I'd contracted. My head was killing me and had been both painful and dizzy for the the entire period. Like being absolutely pissed and having a hang over at the same time. When not one drop of alcohol had passed these lips. No pleasure but lots of pain.
I got up after 36 hours because I was pissed off with it and didn't want to spend the rest of my life in bed. I wanted to know what life is about I wasn't going to die here. I went out, walking up the road to the shops. The walk was slow for some balance issues was going on with my head on account of my ears feeling like they were glued up. I call it glue ear. I get some money from the cash machine and in part enjoying the hot sun beat down on me even though there was a northerly wind making it uncomfortable. A walk which should of taken not more than half an hour to go and return from took about an hour. I got indoors and my legs were killing me. I felt weak, it could of been a marathon every muscle in my legs was crying out with the effort. Indoors I nearly collapse and return to bed again. Intermittently during the day getting up and trying to do some things. The Saturday completely lost and the Sunday mostly evaporated into the air except for the marker of actually having walked to the Antarctic unaided and collapsing afterwards.
It's Monday and time to get ready and go to the Fish Factory, I feel I been robbed of my weekend and am still not fully right. Streaming eyes still, head not spinning like it was but still enough to be disorientating. Coughing still, snotty nose, but I can cope with them but I'm not right for now I can feel the odd hot flush kicking in. They are sudden intense hot sweats. If not the flue then I'm turning into a middle age menopausal woman, I'm going to take the day sick, in either case it's an illness I still haven't overcome.
So the Friday came, I still goes into the Fish Factory and know something is going well so I wear a jumper all day long. My eyes are starting to stream and the headache is about to kick in. Like a Ninja the virus has crept up on me and began it's attack in earnest and I hadn't quite understood this. By lunch time it is bad, but being a soldier I struggle on. it's going to be a short day for me. I get out as soon as I can and head home. In the door, up the stairs and straight into bed. I stay in bed for approximately 36 hours, the first 24 shivering constantly even though I've borrowed the same Eskimos quilt to keep warm I'm just not hormonal and cant stop a quivering. I might of been a long time in bed but it felt like I didn't sleep a wink my body was at some homoeostatic point and losing the battle against the virus I'd contracted. My head was killing me and had been both painful and dizzy for the the entire period. Like being absolutely pissed and having a hang over at the same time. When not one drop of alcohol had passed these lips. No pleasure but lots of pain.
I got up after 36 hours because I was pissed off with it and didn't want to spend the rest of my life in bed. I wanted to know what life is about I wasn't going to die here. I went out, walking up the road to the shops. The walk was slow for some balance issues was going on with my head on account of my ears feeling like they were glued up. I call it glue ear. I get some money from the cash machine and in part enjoying the hot sun beat down on me even though there was a northerly wind making it uncomfortable. A walk which should of taken not more than half an hour to go and return from took about an hour. I got indoors and my legs were killing me. I felt weak, it could of been a marathon every muscle in my legs was crying out with the effort. Indoors I nearly collapse and return to bed again. Intermittently during the day getting up and trying to do some things. The Saturday completely lost and the Sunday mostly evaporated into the air except for the marker of actually having walked to the Antarctic unaided and collapsing afterwards.
It's Monday and time to get ready and go to the Fish Factory, I feel I been robbed of my weekend and am still not fully right. Streaming eyes still, head not spinning like it was but still enough to be disorientating. Coughing still, snotty nose, but I can cope with them but I'm not right for now I can feel the odd hot flush kicking in. They are sudden intense hot sweats. If not the flue then I'm turning into a middle age menopausal woman, I'm going to take the day sick, in either case it's an illness I still haven't overcome.
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