The shites

Well a moment ago I found out I got the shites, full blow shites, it's the runniest diarrhea in the world.  It could mean I'll not piss for a week because I'll be shitting myself instead. The worst thing of all is the pong, dam it is pungent, it's the kind of pungent stink which could be used in warfare. I could take a sample and send it to the Minostry of Defence, they will thank me for it later.  It don't kill just inflicts such a need to cover your nose no known soldier can get away from it.  It would a very real shit bomb. Defence markets would want it all over the world, so effective crowds instantly disperse and are unlikely to go in the vicinity for several hours. What the hell I've eaten to make this feeling come over I just don't know. Maybe it was the coconut sponge cake before lunch, or perhaps the mayo in my sandwich was off. Alternatively it could of been the home made pakoras a colleague at work had bought into the office.  My mouth is as dry as Tutan Karmens arm pit and his wife's as well. I'm dying for a drink but at the same time have a fear it is going to exit by the arse. (Short interruption) Damn that's four times already this evening.

However there were clues something wasn't right. At lunch time I felt pangs in my belly, they hurt. My gut felt funny, it felt not right. Still this didn't stop me from walking home from work. It was a two and a half mile walk, possibly three. The sun was out, it's a lovely day in London for sure, so why not walk you would think. There must of been an angel on my should with a butt plug, he must been a brave angel with the prospect of getting himself fully covered in shite.  But it worked, I didn't feel a need to walk faster or run home or to even let loose like a cannon ball. Instead the explosion just sat there in my belly.  I didn't feel like eating or drinking so probably delayed it a little longer. Took a short nap just over 30 minutes and then watched some Youtube. But my gut had an ache in it and it had the tell tale rumble feeling. Something was not right, something was not right at all. So the little room was visited.

Kaboom, what an explosion there was an instant relief as my inflated belly had lost pressure.  Then there was the stink. Fortunately through biological necessity us human beings can pretty much tolerate the stink of our own defecation.  However, I knew this was something different it was violent and if I had gone into a toilet after such a stink there would of been either blue language or I'd turn around and go out searching for another toilet.

I am feeling somewhat on the edge of dizziness all the time now and thirsdy, I could drink a gallon of juice but doing so would be very unwise. Instead a hot cup of lemon.  It's not good feeling like this it is fortunate the experience is infrequent. In a paranoia I did a google search to see if there was something to diagnose or cure it. At which point the move from paranoia to hypochondria took place. Google should be outlawed for people with the shites or any symptoms of an illness which could be serious and have diarrhoea as one of them. On a positive note, if I don't each much this weekend I'll be losing weight and could be dropping down to less than 12 stone.  It would be an achievement losing a stone and half in eight months.

In the end even if you have the shites there's a plus side.