Week 4 of the 5:2 diet

Dieting is damn difficult and more so the older and fatter I get. I love food and love all the wrong food. Yet year after year there is a period when the discomfort of a large waist line hits home and it is time again to try and lose some of those flabby pounds. It's a time when I want to peak over my belly and see toes below, which are no longer hidden by the half moon stomach which has been keeping them dry. Not to mention the embarrassment of having my very own small but noticeable cleavage. It's time they went so it is the two five diet began three weeks ago and this evening begins the fourth week. So it will be, Monday and Tuesday no food will pass over these lips. The usual calorie intake in the region of two thousand for each day will drastically drop. Hunger will make me sharper in mind, make me alert and also aware of food being consumed around me, because during these two days of self flagellation food just smells so much more appetising. Like some kind of little devil teasing my nostrils it will beckon me to go off course. However, it will not happen and I'm sure the odd pound or two is being lost. So with a little lucky over the next two days maybe another pound will disappear.

It is not easy going on the two five diet, not at all easy. Except on the first week the diet was self imposed and it was for the best. The Sunday night I'd had a dose of the runs and belly rumbles. Having gotten up and had constant broken sleep. I must of ran to the toilet a handful of times, things were not right. Belly was making all kinds of noises, it doesn't help when previously self diagnosed as having IBS as well. I knew it was a matter of starving in order to let the natural gut acids build up and kill whatever bacteria or virus was at work. Two days later on Tuesday afternoon things were a lot better, it was at this stage I realised it would be a good start to the two five diet. So it has been three successful weeks and the start of the fourth, this very minute now. Since then colleagues at work have said my face looks thinner, that it was working. Unfortunately I haven't weighed myself so don't really know what the starting weight was, but I know it is working because another tighter hole on my best is being occasionally used now. Not all the time, but occasionally it is. Therefore some blubber must of been lost. The plan is to keep it up until at least Christmas and then re-start again, but to be really true to this diet it shouldn't matter what time of the year it is. I should just diet and stick to it.

On Wednesday this means now going without food for 8 days out of the last 28 days. I calculate 28.57 per cent of the food I'd of normally consumed has not been consumed. Therefore these must be a weight reduction taking place. Choosing to take two consecutive days was in part serendipity in practice, it just happened as explained earlier. Yet I also saw on a "Horizon" (BBC TV programme) there was scientific research indicating something happens to the human body when hitting a certain

point during this 48 hours fasting. To be specific it was Dr Michael Mosely who advised the consecutive days were important. I guess it is a little like hitting the wall when running a marathon, at this stage your body begins to extract calories from the fat it already has stored up. The diet doesn't reap as many benefits if doing it on non consecutive days although it may well work, it's not going to be the same. Just add in a little very moderate exercise and the diet is becoming a healthy lifestyle option. The thing with the five days of normal eating is you can even overeat if you want. It doesn't matter because the calories lost on the two days generally are not made up. Effectively weight will go down. There are no losers. Which I say because it also means for the two days you are not eating you don't need to buy any food so there is extra pennies left in your pocket. There is however another version of this diet which has it dieters can eat 500 calories on their fasting days. I tried this as well, but it didn't work and the diet went astray. It is necessary though to ensure during the normal eating days to consume a little extra protein than normal. Unlike fat, protein can not be stored up, that's all.

It's now gone an hour into week four and all is well, the best part is when I got to bed in a few hours time there would of gone past an easy 12 hours. Then there's only another 36 hours to pass, but before I know it Tuesday afternoon will arrive. Take heed, the 5:2 diet isn't something which can be done in a few short weeks. It is one of those things you just have to keep going at, setting a target of a few months time and also keeping in mind the need to get fit and healthy as well. The pounds will go, but they will go in the same way the came in the first place. Slowly.

The comfort zone and finding the discomfort zone

Most days I get up and go to work. There is a routine and although not always clockwork it is predictable. Wake up, breakfast, wash up, public transport, work and this is it. Day after day, week after week and then the occasional stray off the beaten track and again back on it. So it goes. Another thing which is predictable is a comfort zone which is barely ever infringed. The work place is somewhere very familiar so there is no situation which really steps into the discomfort zone. To be frank it is all becoming a bit boring and easy and non testing or just overly predictable; there's the word again. The circle is small, it is very small and maybe it is a thing with age maybe it is a thing with personality, I just don't have someone to fall back on other than those already many years familiar with. I've even joked in a blog previously to consider advertising for a friend. Maybe it is a sign of loneliness or a sign of needing to reach out.

At work I am a manager, and although I'd love to reach out to some of my colleagues there's always in the back of my mind the niggling thought they are only talking to me because I am a manager, so they have to rather than they don't have to. Yes this may be cynical but it must be the same for anyone who is a manager in a workplace. For although it is good to be on friendly terms with staff there are times when it is necessary to take actions which must be in accordance with HR policies. For example give someone a formal sickness interview. It is so much harder to undertake such interviews when over familiar. Manager's therefore should not be too touchy feely with their staff, and of course there is always the issue of confidentiality. You have to be conscious of anything said which might be considered judgemental and therefore get back to the individual you have been talking about. Even if it happens you are talking to another manager. Some staff don't take kindly if it is necessary to talk to them formally, they get upset and then you become the evil monster. Putting pressure on them. i.e. advising them their sick will be formally monitored for the next year and if it is unacceptable then they will move to a stage two formal sickness procedure. This is again a burden of management, but even with these aspects I love my job. I do am confident when things get formal but I am also considerate of the individual allowing them time and space to question me in any way they feel they must. Doing everything I can to be transparent. Again this is all work and it does not really take me into the discomfort zone.

In search of finding the discomfort zone I have to start speaking to people I don't know. The dreaded stranger. Now and again articles arise on the web and are worth reading or watching. Such as a Ted Talk by Kio Stark who has written a books on this subject, very close to her heart.  When Strangers Meet: How people you don't know can transform you. I would like to talk to strangers and meet more people I have never known before. It is a little odd for only a few weeks ago I went with Sparkling Eyes to a funeral. It was someone who she met at a cancer charity event some years ago and had unfortunately succumbed to terminal illness. During the Humanist ceremony (which was lovely) the speaker said the deceased person saw strangers as friends they had not met yet.  This person I'd never met before in my life had reached out and spoken words like they were on a personal post card with my name written on it.

However, life is not just a matter of understanding the message it is also a matter of acting on it.

Adult sent to bed by three year old Princess

Princess J likes to put me in my place. It is her duty and she enjoys it as much as a three and a half year old can enjoy chastising an adult. Lets just say immensely. Which kind of got me onto the thinking of what goes through the mind of a child? Their conception of the world is very different because hours of watching the Night Garden, Monsters Inc. or Paw Patrol etc etc does this kind of thing. It's probably a little like brain washing an adult. Their reality has the real existent of monsters and those monsters are cuddly. Human grandfathers are therefore also toys to be put in their box. In my case it was for Princess J to send me to bed. She didn't particularly need a reason but any reason can be found at any time. This time it so happened because I told her Gaga (grandmother) didn't have eyebrows, which is true, because I've seen her without them every morning. They get emphasised with the help of a pencil. So Princess J calls to her Gaga just so she can check to see if there are eyebrows and then I am sent to bed and told the reason I was sent to bed. Her little hand takes mine and then she leads me up to her bedroom, she points to the bed and says I must go to bed. After which Princess closes the door. Of course Pops is unhappy and he has to show a little theatre, so I stand behind the door and bang gently with my fists shouting "let me out" to which Princess J holds the door shut and says "no, you been naughty." It's then my turn to lay in bed and pretend to snore. Little Princess J laughs during this whole episode then goes downstairs to tell her Gaga what she's done and why she has done it.

A few moments later little feet can be heard coming up the stairs because now Princess J has to check on me. I snore and then hug one of her cuddly toys. The door opens and my eyes are closed. She peaks in and sees me but notices I have her stuffed Iggle Piggle doll. With determination she then comes up to me and begins to pull the doll away. I give a little struggle hanging onto it but she emphasises I have been naughty. It is after all her doll anyway and she must of felt naughty Pops was not the one to benefit from this comfort while sleeping. Princess takes the doll downstairs, I find another cuddly toy and do the same again. We repeat this situation about six times, she is really enjoying giving naughty Pops his punishment and soon there is a collection of soft cuddly toys in the living room. While Princess feels quite content with her work and Prison Officer righteous attitude to reprimanding the naughty man.

However, I got to thinking about poor Pops (me) being punished like this and wondered whether it could of been symptomatic of something else. Although you can never be sure of these things. So I thought perhaps she is punishing me because she loves her Pops and it had been 6 weeks or more since seeing him so she was going to teach him a lesson for not dropping in and playing with her. It seemed to make sense to me, for Princess J has not punished anyone else in the same way.

On leaving Gaga took me down to the train station in the car while Princess was secured in the back. I got out and said to Princess I had to get a train, I don't think she understood, and then waved as the Gaga drove off. Later I learned Princess was unhappy I had left. Fortunately Gaga knows the cure. An ice cream on a cold day was just the thing. There is one thing for sure, you just can't help but love the children in your life.

36 hours without food

The problem with getting old is the lack of exercise.  Motivation dose not exit to hit the gym and sweat like a pig for a couple of hours and leave with an endorphin high. It is just too much work, too tiring and overly disciplined. It's something best left to the younger people who probably like to view themselves in full length mirrors. They like to look at themselves which is always very funny to see. I was a runner and my exercise usually consisted of stretching followed by a period on the treadmill and some weights. Running while going nowhere is mind numbingly boring and mostly a necessity in the Autumn come Winter time. The other good effect about exercising is weight control and it's possible to stuff your face as much as you like because it all gets burned off in the end. Except when old and not exercising. The weight now collects itself around my mid section and I worry about barely being able to see my feet. Let alone entire body starting to break down and sag. Loss of hair, man boobs, aches and pains. It's not a nice thing.

A year or more ago I heard of the five days on two days off diet. As a way to control weight and actually lose some. Unlike other diets which require the conscious change in eating habits this one doesn't change what you eat but rather how often you do eat. In a single week two days are taken off from eating at all. In ideal circumstances these days should be consecutive, which is asking a lot for a little tubby fellow like myself.  So 36 hours ago I decided to take some time off from food, because I really do need to lose a little weight.  Another secondary reason is it is cheap, because for 36 hours I didn't need to buy any food either. Great news for my wallet. I really am fed up with being as fat as I am and unfortunately getting glimpsed side looks from reflections in windows viewing the gut. The thing which extends over my belt. Further when having a bath it seems the bath water rises up higher than it used to, which is a demonstration of physics in reality. The water displace by my belly moves up, if I didn't float as much as I do now I'd drown.  Once upon a time, my core muscles used to be so tight and I was so slim it was a problem keeping my trousers from falling down so my belt was pulled tight. Whereas now the problem is wondering whether the seat is going to split if bending over and stretching them too much. Or whether there are enough holes in the belt, I even got one of those hole punctures.  Now bending over can be difficult. It is not at all a pretty sight. It had been a while since I last tried this fasting so it was interesting to identify what was happening yesterday and whether my clothes still fit.

Not having food for 36 hours didn't stop me from farting. Yep, I still farted throughout the day and used the toilet. What I did do is drink a lot of liquids because it is summer as well and this was good. There was a moment in the afternoon come evening when there were some stomach rumbles but I've now started to employ the cognitive method of coping. Simply engage your mind in something different make it occupied. The belt on my trousers had to be tightened and was more stable during the day when normally it would be loosened and tightened depending on when I ate. The usual intense postprandial need to sleep was still there after what would of been my lunchtime break. Except I hadn't eaten so this tiredness could be related to lack of sleep due to hot summer nights or it's just habitual. I generally just sit in a chair and close my eyes napping for a burst of ten to fifteen minutes. It partly shakes it off, but not all the time. I wasn't grumpy or tired generally over the day, but what I did feel was more energy and even alert. Perhaps the blood which would of gone to my gut had nowhere to migrate so fuelled my brain. What I did do was try and keep the image of getting an accidental view of my profile, thinking about this belly and how typically middle aged I looked. This was my motivation and I should now try and use this every week even if it is one day out of seven. The other thing I notice was the taste in my mouth and teeth, it felt like it needed a good brush and wash out. Possibly this was a combination of gastric liquids being intensified, or even mouth bacteria screaming for food to live off. The mental alertness levels lasted throughout the entire day. Which kind of striked me, there must be a optimal balance where the right sleep, food and drink consumption puts the body in a place of feeling awake and alert.

Maybe one of the lessons of life is to do things which are good for yourself but unpleasant. As the saying goes too much of a good thing is bad. However, over time the human body changes, it doesn't metabolise so fast and eating at the same rate will mean obesity. The biggest disease affecting modern day society, unless you happen to be in a country at crisis is being fat.  Regardless I must admit to enjoying breakfast this morning but will do my best to eat sensibly today and not try to make up for 36 hours of fasting by 36 hours of gluttony. Perhaps even a little exercise would be a good thing?

Bosses and stress

Nearly every working day I take time out and head to a very nice pub for a cup of coffee. Not always but certainly most days. There three and sometimes four things happen, cup of coffee, close eyes and have a very short moment of shut eye, read and occasionally chat to Sparkling Eyes. The best bit of news which comes out of this is usually what Princess J has recently been up to. When the office has been manic and the stress has piled up (even though I do my best to deny stress any kind of foothold) then news of what my precious, crazy little grand daughter has been up to makes everything insignificant. Everything.

Being under stress has an upside to it. Having experience awful managers in workplaces I'll elaborate. In two jobs bad management led me close to leaving them. However, bad management is not about doing shift rotas, deciding overtime, or giving tasks to do. It is about personality and interpersonal skills.  How an employee is spoken to and they way they are asked to complete a job or reprimanded are factors more important in the workplace than a lot of things. One female boss I had liked to use psychological warfare, each day when she came into work it was amateur theatrics night. She would come in and expect everyone to pay attention to her, to suck up to her. I often did not agree with her and at the same time felt unable to express how I felt. She I learnt later was the reason why another boss had a mental break down and left the workplace. Funny thing was the boss who had the break down was her grand parent boss as well. I wish I'd of gone to him and asked for a transfer and am sure he would of been someone to confide in. Except he happened to be the type of person who locked himself up in his room and didn't particularly leave it to socialise or speak to the staff. The upside to having this difficult and mentally ill female boss was how much I appreciated things outside of work. I valued moments of fresh air in such a way it was startling. All because of the pressures felt in the workplace. 

Although we live in a democratic society the work place is not a democratic place to be. The boss is the one who holds all the power. Any relationship with a boss to this extent is asymmetric.  Further to this the way a boss acts is always under scrutiny, employees watch them and they make judgements. I know for I am one of those bosses now. What is significant for an employee is to feel they have the opportunity to say what is on their mind and at the same time. Further to this what they say has been taken into account and is valued and weighted. My admittance as a boss is I don't know everything but at many a time it feels like the people I manage expect me to know everything. They expect answers from me when they could just as easily work out the answers themselves.  This can be frustrating however showing frustration is in itself something which should not be done. For it stems from anger and impatience and making a judgement about the employee.

Now life as a boss is both easier and harder. I don't get bossed around as much as I did when lower in the hierarchy, yet at the same time there is more work than ever. More work and less time. The workplace is an important place for we spend more time there than with our loved ones. We get to know people in work to an even greater degree than we do anywhere else. I once heard it said there are two instances in you actually know what another person is like. One is at work the other is living with them. This is true and what I will say is I absolutely love my job yet at the same time it is very stressful and I don't want to take this stress out on other people, certainly not those who work for me even if I do get frustrated at them. So I don't. I enjoy my lunch break away from the office a cup of coffee and momentarily find solace, comfort and humour. Which is the the best tool to fight stress with.

Missing the bus 5 times and a one minute chat with Princess J

Monday seems so far away, to be precise it was 5 days ago, but the day didn't turn out so good. It was a complete sequence of mistiming and impatience. This is what happens when you spend the entire two days cooped up indoors and not setting a foot out. All because while indoors there's a less likelihood of spending any money at all. Especially since lately it had been dripping worse than a 30 year old tap needing a washer replaced, which is an entirely different story. So waking up Monday morning meant the usual five hours of disrupted sleep because had even a little exercise taken place then tiredness and sleep would of been easier. This pent up energy was spent walking to the bus stop and during the frustrating ten minutes of waiting for a bus then making the decision to walk. However walking in a direction to get on an earlier bus meant eventually missing a total of five different buses. A mile and a half pass and now halfway to work I do eventually get on a red double decker. It's funny as well because lately the buses and traffic seems to be much less than it should be. It can only mean one thing. For some schools the summer holiday has already began. It's nice not to share a bus with a thousand kids who have screeching voices. To work with them would probably mean a compulsory supply of valium and a George Cross medal.

Getting off the bus there was only a few minutes walk into work and sat on the steps was a duck. It was a somewhat odd thing to see. When considering as the doors open up there were about to be a few coach loads of people walking in. Fish factories are like that. In one door and out the other. The duck was quite content to just sit there, like sitting on the steps of a public building was the normal nature of work for a duck. No doubt he was not aware of the two local Chinese take aways, who probably would be serving up the odd portion of his cousin. Not to mention the restaurants, which I have now mentioned.

At lunch I managed to get to chat to Princess J, although the discussion was very short. Being she is three years old and her language is very much still developing. I thought she was saying "can't hear" so spoke louder and told her we'd have to get her hearing checked out. Only then to be advised by Sparkling the little princess was actually saying "cat hairs" because Olly is moulting and the house was covered in them. It was only a few moments and it was a wonderful thing to do, listen to the most wonderful little Miss Trouble there is. Which is also another story altogether.

The wipe my bum song and a Princess J gets stuck in the toilet

It's been a funny morning. There I was thinking to myself it would be nice to write a BLOG as time passes and this year there have barely been any. Then I got writer's block and didn't know what would be written. Yet after listening to the radio for five minutes there was suddenly a hell of a lot of material to think about and enough for at least two thousand words if really needed. Finishing breakfast and heading upstairs a little more radio another two thousand words of possibility and I sat down to do a little typing practice. Within a very short moment there came the sounds of a small boy singing. It is the neighbour's youngest the walls are so thin that his words rang through my room, I was transfixed. It went along the lines of, "wipe my bum, wipe my bum, wipe my bum, wipe my bum! Mum, mum, mum, mum mum!" I laughed. It is not each morning when the words to a song are just given to you and can be made up in just a few moments. I am sure that young lad is going to be a great success in the future when no doubt there will be different words. Ones which the public teenagers will enjoy, but I know they will not provide as much amusement as I had this morning.

Another song I heard him sing a good few months ago also having great brevity and lots of repetition went along the lines of "I don't want a bath, I don't want a bath, I don't want a bath." Followed by more of the same. It was sang in a rhyming style slow and paced just like many small child song is. After a while I heard his mum interrupt and it didn't matter if he didn't want a bath he certainly was about to get one. The entertainment these walls have heard are probably what help keep the house standing.

Small children do not understand a lot of things, just as the beautiful Princess J does not understand a lot of things. The not understanding things is because they are children and their barely lived life has to mould understanding according to experience. If it happens experience is based on play then this is how they understand. Play with lots of laughter and often repeated play of the same thing over and over again. This may be draining on an adult, but I have found after doing two hours of hunt the egg with Princess J there is a lightness of being almost what you'd get from doing a lot of meditation. Of course it is tiring, very tiring, but this is age. Pops is an old man and Princess J does not understand the concept of age quite yet but she does understand what a birthday is and waking up to open lots of presents is absolutely great fun. Which is another game we have played before. I'll not mention our game of father chrimbo at this point.

Sparkling told me a couple of days ago about Princess J's little adventure to a seaside town called Arbroath. They enjoyed the train journey on Thomas the tank train, enjoyed walking along the beach and seeing a bucket full of fish heads, then came time for a cup of tea and a bowl of ice cream. Just as Sparkling had began her tea Princess J wanted to go to the toilet. Now at three years old she considers herself a big girl and is pretty independent. Whenever possible she will go to the toilet on her own. Unlike the boy above she doesn't mind wiping her own bum, for some reason she enjoys the experience and enjoys using toilets in any place she knows they are. However this time was different. Sparkling went into one toilet cubical and Princess J in they other. Now these cubicles were not like the modern new ones which have not top and about eight inches of space below. They were situated in a old style restaurant so the toilets had old style locks and weren't as smooth as modern ones. Sparkling finished and then tapped on Princess J's door. Asking if she had finished as well. She could hear the little Princess trying to pull the lock across but it would not. Her small hands were just unable to slide it across. Keeping as calm as possible Sparkling kept trying to coax Princess to open the door. She couldn't. Princess was beginning to get distressed. Sparkling calmed her as much as possible and then said she had to pop off and see the waitress. In turn the waitress came but could not do anything. These toilet doors didn't have the big gaps, you couldn't slide under or assist in any way. However, fortunately there was a builder on the premises doing some work so they went and got the builder. He then proceeded to remove panels from around the door and from the top of the door. In a short while he had made a gap at the top. By putting his arm down with a tool he was able to reach and knock the lock open.   So it was the Princess had been rescued not by a Prince but by a builder. The perfect accomplice, otherwise no doubt they would of had to call the fire brigade, which would of been a bit dramatic for such a situation.

The whole episode took about twenty minutes and during this time Princess J had found her ice cream had melted. The restaurant was sympathetic and gave her another free bowl of ice cream and although Sparkling offered to pay for the repairs to the toilet door they would not have any of it. Princess enjoyed her bowl of ice cream and of course even some of Sparkling's tea. Now maybe if she knew the "wipe my bum" song she would not of locked the door at all.

Helping a man to the pub

So there I am at lunch time, just finished my Chinese and not feeling guilty about the excessive amount of calories taken in when I notice the grey haired old man with a white stick walking slowly and tentatively towards a boarding. Which had an inset door open for workmen. I group of people walked passed him and would of seen him as well. It was clear, if he continued through the doorway he was going to trip up or enter a part derelict site. Then possibly lost or injured walking around in circles with no one to stop him.  I approached and asked if I could help. He acknowledged and was happy for me to guide, the destination was a pub, to the left through a market. A pub which it seemed he'd visited many before but I couldn't tell if this was many years before and he was revisiting for old times sake. Most likely. I guessed he was lonely and wanted to make some mates, or just get pissed out of  his head. How on earth he was going to get home afterwards was mind boggling. Whether on a bus, train or taxi he'd sure need a little assistance and I was half wondering whether I should of offered to meet up with him a few hours later to see if he needed help again. Poor old sod, but certainly a nice enough fellow.

Which got me on a digression of thought how it is good to help other people. To be kind, yet in the same instance this evening I saw a programme on TV where a married couple were temporarily separated for 10 weeks so they could lose weight. They had gotten into a rut and were drinking 25 bottles of wine a week between them and seemed to lead lives of petty squabbles and emotional starvation. They admitted it wasn't helping their relationship and the husband was quite sure he loved his wife but could not put up with it.  The wife had low self esteem and gave off a self loathing attitude of how she needed to change, but was so self absorbed I nearly walked away. Yet at the end of the period she had managed to lose 2 stone and her partner had lost 3 stone. It was a happy moment as they met again after the separation and then decided to permanently change their lives. If there is one thing detestable it is people who are self absorbed and just can't get over it. So at the beginning of the programme I just wanted her husband to leave her and tell her to get herself sorted out. Whilst at the end of the programme it was clear they both absolutely wanted their relationship to continue and both wanted to love each other for the rest of their lives. This was the beautiful element which had come through in the end. I could of easily had a babble at it, but managed not to and stayed composed.

The moral is, if you do something good for another person you will feel good about yourself and gain a self happiness.

Sleep variations

Sleep is a beautiful thing when you can get it. However the sleeping habit changes with age, the older one gets the less sleep needed. In addition there is always things to be done and the best time to do anything with concerned effort and concentration is at night when it is quiet. Peace is also a beautiful thing and in a mad crazy noisy existence, finding peace to take a moment out is also difficult.

It is easier when done late at night say between 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. or perhaps even a little bit later. Not much later. Just a little bit. For after 5 a.m. the world is truly awake. Doing noisy things at night though is probably not a good idea if you like the neighbours.  Woodworking and plumbing are best left during waking hours, when most people are awake not when it's just light. Unless you happen to be an insomniac or a part time insomniac and dislike your neighbours, or live in a field.  Like sleep insomnia is a condition which comes and goes depending on it's fancy. So sleep, peace and insomnia are a trio of bedfellows each dancing in the shade of the banyang tree. One dances on soft sand, the other on cobble streets and the last doesn't care for peace is a state of mind.

Sometimes when I get home late the desire to sleep is so strong I will go to bed and then wake up a couple of hours later. This small luncheon allows enough space in the normal sleep routine allowing a later night and a little peace and quiet. Except of course at such small  hours of the morning it is not a time to get a musical instrument out and play, for other people are trying to get some shut eye. But oddly the desire to strum my ukulele is strong and it is like a force which cannot be denied. Except it must. This is because I just have not been getting in the normal practice routine which was part of daily life. Things get in the way. It would be so good if I could get away with just a minimum time sleeping and then be productive with the rest. But even productivity is a misnomer when distractions are abound.

Yes, sleep is a beautiful thing and it shouldn't mind coming day or night providing it is given a respectful place.

Saturday morning what do I do?

Oh I miss being bullied by a little girl who is barely three years old, my grand-daughter Princess J. She is the happiest little girl I have ever met in the entire world and I love her so much it hurts when I am away from Scotland for too long.  Next week will be week five from last seeing the little Princess. Let me also add Sparkling Eyes who I cant help finding I like to annoy and she in turn gets a perverse kick out of annoying me. She is the most wonderful pain in my arse I've every had and will always continue to be one. She puts me in my places and reminds me of who I am, she is my friend and my love and everything to me. Damn I must really be missing Scotland today.

Yesterday in Scotland it was raining and dull and the kind of day where you just stayed in doors and didn't venture out. It was one of those weather days which wears down the spirit to do nothing. They say you should get things fixed while the sun is out, which means there's always a lot of work to do things and get them fixed. Whenever the sun does decide to come out.

It's Saturday and I need to decide what to do with my time. The sun is out, Sparkling will begin working later this afternoon and it will mean two days where I don't get to chat to her as text messages fly through the air. Fortunately she now likes her new job, is easier and less manic than per previous job with the Red Cross. The RC may have a name for it as a charity but as a care provider for those needing palliative support it is dreadful. Sparkling showed me her list of calls over a weekend period and there were scores. Some people only getting a fifteen minute visit where the carers were expected to give a shower and breakfast. It isn't worth getting the RC involved unless you are in absolute need and then don't expect much. The care staff are spread thinner than marmite. Havey is in the corner there and it's about time he was played, sun is out and it's about time I got some exercise, I need to do something, anything, just be active. I got books and journal articles from days of old when I used to study, now they can be thrown out  but there's this emotional investment in these things because they were part of my life for a period, and there is knowledge in those things and knowledge is useful stuff to have. What is it that stops me from clearing out when I know I so need to?

Things Change

The environment of the fish factory is one hell of a hectic place. This is because the government of the day is always trying to intrude and introduce new regulations which must be followed. The fish are too big, the fish are too small, they are too ugly some are to beautiful. In which case off with their head says the secretary of state for work and pensions. Until it was his own head went rolling along the ground and it was a case of self decapitation rather than one of the close cabinet circle stabbing him in the back and kicking his body into the Thames, just so it could float on down and out to sea to become bird food, or possibly fish food. So it is at the factory things change. They change on a nearly daily basis and you can't help get a feeling the bosses think this department is like having an extra toe no one knows what to do with. The weather is hot, everyone has sandals on and all they are doing is fixating on this toe wondering if they could lop it off with a pair of pruners. Yet they know were such an event to happen there would be a lot of pain. So much there would be a lot of flak. The sky would light up.  So the factory is neglected and we all do our best to get along doing what we can. Running about with sticky tape and glue trying to keep things together. The thing is this glue and sticky tape is now being used to patch areas where glue and sticking tape was before, the scar tissue is getting bigger and bigger.

Whatever I say, I like to be busy. It is good to be busy because the time flies by, however there are moments more frequently when being busy is not the operative situation. Rather manic chicken with no head flapping about and trying to lay an egg at the same time. This is what it feels like. The people above who are part of an elite special forces team going by the initials of SMT (senior management team) have higher pay grades and tell us how to order our batches of fish, how to stick the sardines in cans and what to throw out. The thing is they don't actually spend any time on the coal face so their advise is to put it bluntly a load of codswallop. Their views of the factor are from the last time they walked around it. Which was probably on some induction tour fifty years ago. They have no idea what is going on. Further to this they have the inability to listen. It's just not getting through and it is going to get worse. The elite team have been in bed with each other for over 30 years and now some of their members are running for the hills. Running hard and fast because they have been and found the Willy Wonka golden ticket. Damn lucky for them, shame about the rest of us who have to stay behind and pick up the decaying rot of decisions made by people less qualified to lead the life of a mackerel than an actual mackerel is.  Of course I'm still here, the demands are made and I know I can't meet them so I then choose not to meet them and just get on with the best I can do. Which isn't to their liking, not at all because it is not giving the results they want. Results they can't even hope to get with their style of apocryphal management.  Not even the sprats have any belief this boat knows where it is going.

So the question is what do you do when the toad is running the rudder but is too short to see over the top of the railings. And on top of this is just sitting there flicking it's tongue out eating flies and getting fatter. As though it has no care in the world. The thing is all of the other ships in this sea only communicate through the toad so they only get a toads eye view of what is going on. Yet us sailors do all we can to guide and help the ship along. We can't trust the rudder so when it points the wrong direction we pull up the sails, we wave flags as ways of warning and those who are scared go and eat easter eggs in the bowels of the ship, in the dark.  It's all changing and we can see it changing and if we just dive off into the sea to get away it will not matter at all to the toad. This animal doesn't give a shit as long as it can swallow up the next fly within zapping sticky tongue distance. The toad keeps itself to itself, so we take no notice and hold it in contempt as in reality this toad is no more than just a fat cat and certainly isn't a leader of anything other than it's tongue, whether used for flies or taking the cream from the top of the milk. For like all fat cats it gets paid handsomely sitting happily on the catches of others, who are of course paid much less.

Energised in the Fish Factory

It is funny how I have felt energised lately at work. Really odd. For it is all gloom and doom. The changes taking place in the Fish Factory have been forced upon us by mysterious aliens who run the mothership. Except these idiot aliens don't know what communication means and probably had it erased from their dictionaries when they were little alien kiddies. I expect a little exuberance with a black crayon or an unfortunate opportunity of using real scissors when they should of been pulled away before doing any damage. I mean who wants to cut of an alien tentacle by accident. So the things who lead the space ship gave out an enhanced redundancy deal to anyone who fitted the criteria. Which happened to only apply to managers. The aliens expected a 100 per cent take up rate and they nearly got it. Any ordinary savy organization would of said OK, we need to cut costs lets do it in a logical succession management manner. Nope not these nitwits. They went for management posts. So anyone who was over the age of 55, had 15 years service and of management grade were given the choice to leave. Many had taken this choice and in a couple of weeks our management will be pollaxed by half of what it previously was, but I will still be there. Because for a start I didn't fit the criteria I just wasn't old enough, even though I am an old fart. This old fart fell into the slightly younger category of fart so has to stay.

The error of their way it seems they just haven't an understanding on. The decision appears to have been completely made at a financial level. Managers over the age of 55 are generally a wealth of experience and information which can not be bought from a book. But it is not just this, they provide a stability through their long term incumbent positions, a stability which in some cases is admirable having to deal with some pretty lazy employees because there has simply not been the management support to sack them or go through the process of sacking them. For those who don't know the term for this it is called Capability. There is so much comfort which can be gained from asking a question of an experienced manager, one who knows what they are talking about. Let me also state this as with any organization there are also managers who are just as incompetent as the next person, these like their incompetent subordinates are known, and yes again nothing is done. Unfortunately those who are bully's seem to stay on for a long time and make many employees lives a misery.  For we all know bullying and harassment policies are paper tissues used in the toilet and have no teeth. If they did your arse would be pretty raw.

The loss of this great knowledge and experience means there are fewer managers left. The structure of our fish factory is becoming flatter than the earth in the 1800s. We have to chain ourselves together to ensure nobody else falls off the edge into a black abyss. It means those managers who are left have to do twice the job they already do, and the job they already do is twice it used to be anyway, so now it is four times what it once was. It doesn't help at times when you get the feeling of the organization doing it's best to destroy itself with IT which consistently fails. Personally I don't understand why heads have not been rolling on this front. When we have staff sitting at desks ready to work and hours are lost while they watch little blue circles go round and try and contemplate the meaning of life or find a work around to get something to work because the gremlings weren't bright enough to throw a spanner in that particular part of the machine. I am feeling energised  but I have all the reason in the world not to feel energised in the circumstances. Why? Because my boss is going! I do know she works much harder than other bosses at her level but she has a problem of not being able to listen to people, not being able to understand their point of view.  In addition she suffers from a denial syndrome, one which has no doubt kept her in her job for a very long time, because she has denied the knives are out to get her. She has denied the jibes of other bosses or construed to view them in a different way. Unfortunately she has also had the support of a close friend and subordinate manager who in my view has actually been no more than a sycophant, and sycophants like bullies are amongst the most disliked employees about. They employ the art known as back stabbing and do so while smiling into your eyes.

So again I wonder why I have been energised? Perhaps the second reason is because I understand I am more powerful than I every have been. With fewer managers about those who are in place are not just a life blood they are the beating hearts and the bones which keep the body going. And hopefully sometimes the brains. Except of course in my fish factory the brains have gone under the guise of the senior management team. Of which my leaving manager is one of them. A team of people who at times have made disastrous decisions and mistakes which have cost many hundreds of hours of lost working time. Just because they believed they had to bring in an initiative and show they were doing something. However, they would not gather data and consider whether it worked or not, they would just come up with an idea and they would then impose the idea. I had contested these on many occasions but was then ignored. This SMT group suffer from a psychological phenomenon called group think and they are totally oblivious to it. I guess it is what happens when you have people who have worked together 30 plus years.

Anyway, I am energised. Because my voice is now more powerful and I may actually be heard, it is like a freedom and I like it very much. The only thing now is to keep my fingers crossed I don't get a mental break down due to overworking.

A bereavement in the family

Last week Sparkling Eyes lost her mum, she was 84 years old and there was nothing doctors could do to heal her. Her stoma had gotten blocked and she hadn't eaten probably for ten days before she was taken in.  However, this on being admitted the doctors had delegated her to the heart ward. She'd had an erratic heart and they couldn't seem to slow it or control it. A scan was done of her stomach and they found not only was the stoma blocked but a hernia had developed. It was not possible to operate because of her heart.  In addition to these items she already only had 35 percent of just one kidney functioning, she was frail and had lost much weight. For a few days there seemed to be an ongoing battle to sort out the stoma. A doctor Sparkling and L & B man called the Green Mile (after the film) had done his best to digitally remove the blockage. Both Sparkling and L & B man spent days and hours at the hospital by her side, keeping her comfortable, talking and creating a relationship with the nursing staff who were excellent. Then at some point the doctors said no more could be done. The blockage was not clearing and through many hours of very ill health morphine was administered to keep her comfortable. She passed away on 04.02.16. at approximately 10:20 a.m. maybe a few minutes earlier.  I was on a train at this time and began my journey from Kings Cross to Scotland. It has been a very sad and trying time for Sparkling, however she has not as yet had a good hard cry. Once or twice she has been tearful but is doing her best to hold it together to support her brother.

It is odd when someone passes away, for I would see Sparkling's mother nearly every time I went to see Sparkling. So now a mortal human being who has been part of my life for a long time is no longer here.  There is something though which was must be said, she loved every one of her offspring and did her small best to help them whenever she could. Whether it be giving money to them, being a listening ear when needed or being disapproving. She did what she thought she was best to do. Her body was left to medical science and Sparkling and L & B man are executors of her estate. Unfortunately Sparkling tells me L & B while dealing with the estate has been manic and shown the less appealing aspects of his personality, which I'll not go into.

We all have a single mortal coil to this planet and it is best to use it fully for once it is over there is nothing left except the memories and legacies we leave behind. The more I have considered this episode the more I have realised the reality of life smile and leave them happy, touch those people you love with as much affection as you can, and some people will always give more than they get in return.

12 Things to change your life in 2016

1. In times of misfortune and stress, foster a calm head. 

When irritated it is easy to react, saying something in an instant can take a years of regret. Swearing, losing your calm or being violent also takes away your control of the situation.  This is a difficult thing to do, but the more often practised the better self control gets. It is necessary to accept within yourself how you feel about a situation, to dwell on it and think about it. However it does not good venting anger, let yourself go outside of the incident which takes place.  Not in it.

2. Think things could be worse.
This is a matter of changing mindset and again moving away from the negative thoughts life should of treated you better. Consider you are not living in a country or culture where laws are strictly adhered to with considerable force. Or worse capital punishment for merely stating an opinion. This point is also about counting good things and attenuating the negative things in your life.

3. Harbour a sense of humour.
When growing up I thought fun and laughter were limited commodities.  Anything can be fun, everything is a matter of personal attitude and laughter is a good way of of relieving awkward moments and stress. It can create bonds quickly and break down defences, sometimes it may mean showing your vulnerable side. It is always healthy to see things in a different way but it's even better to have a laugh over it.

4. Enjoy a moment of peace and quiet.
In the hectic life of today it is important to find time for yourself.  This is necessary more so for those individuals who consider themselves to be introverts.  A break in a quiet place may either be short or long, sometimes it is frequency which matters.  If you are in a loud environment take a break outside of this environment.  Make a cup of tea, go to the toilet do anything which gives a momentary break from that loud place.

5.  Play a musical instrument
I began to play the ukulele about three years ago and am one of those people who has never in their life played an instrument. I practice as often as I can and even try singing along. It has been great fun and will continue to be both a learning and relaxing experience. I heard it is even good to sing because singing strengthens your voice.

6. Exercise
This single word in itself can be akin to holding garlic in the face of a vampire. The human body is not a machine but rather the human is an animal. Animals need food water and exercise, to name but a few items.  Exercise does not have to be crazy it can be gentle, many programs recommend exercising to the point there is a slight strain on breathing. Others indicate the heart rate should be raised for at least ten minutes at a high and uncomfortable level.  What matters though is just getting out and doing some exercise.

7. Talk to a stranger
This is for those who find they speak to the same people everyday and don't get to meet and talk to someone they don't know.  Someone not part of the family or the workplace. There are places everywhere this can happen.  On the train, the bus or in a shop, at the pub anywhere you might visit is a potential place to speak to someone you don't know. Then try and learn something about them, something unusual. Favourite food for example.

8. Diet and be healthy
The statistics suggest getting fat is now rife in the western world. With it brings illnesses which could of been avoided, such as the ubiquitous diabetes. Carbohydrates are a cause for concern methinks. Especially the white ones with a high glycemic index. I don't know what it is, but the more white starch I eat then the more white starch I want to eat. It must be doing something to my brain, kicking in some kind of eating switch. When I was a teenager it didn't matter what I ate but now in my 50s every single calorie is being notched up on my belt. And the belt gets bigger as well.

9. Keep an eye on finance
Here I have been hitting two birds with one stone. There are days in the week I will either walk to work which is just over two miles or walk home. It takes about an hour depending on how fast my little legs move. So exercising and saving the fare of riding a bus. Which has gone up yet again. In addition to this I have made a conscious effort to try and save a few pennies every week which go into a savings account and are not touched. Economists say your savings account should have 8 times your monthly earnings.  This is in case of both an unforeseen emergency and in the event of losing your job. I so wish my savings were this high, but I will keep squirrelling away.

10. Read and learn
Always be reading and learning. The two go hand in hand. Have a book about a subject which interests you and at the same time is educational. At present I have a simple book about economics and the development of humanity.  There are points which are raised I have not considered before and may well be generalisable to other areas, be it work or personal life.

11. Learn to do something difficult
As a kid if something was difficult I would not want to do it. Such as math and I will admit to being not great at maths even though I managed to get an A'level in pure math and a A'level in statistics. I've forgotten most of what I was taught and wish I could still remember it. Being an adult now I appreciate the skill and effort which goes into doing difficult things. Such as playing the ukulele. The first year of playing I practised every single evening. I am learning music, chords, musical registers, a very little bit of musical theory, rhythm and how to sing a song.  It is funny how family think when you pick up an instrument you will be belting out a tune in a fortnight. You may well be but it will probably be not very good.

12. Improve your memory
This is probably one of those age related problems, but the older you get the easier it is to forget everything. However, forgetting things is just as important as remembering them, otherwise your brain would be cluttered up.  Yet when you need to remember something this is when it does become a problem. Looking into the subject of mnemonics, it will amaze you how easy it can be to remember stuff, any stuff at all. The problem with this is your memory is like a muscle and using mnemonic methods requires active practice.

Happy 2016 - It's all about work

Well 2016 is now here, the urge to write 2015 has nearly been stifled and as always complaints abound about how quickly another year has passed are common. It's strange returning to work because of how calmed and relaxed people feel after having a break from the frantic stress and strains of the pre holiday pressures.  Further everyone from work had the opportunity to chill out so it's not just the odd individual who has a more laid back attitude.  For the life of those who are working in pressurised environments this is a common feeling.

Those at the bell end of an organization who have swanky titles and earn big bucks are usually well out of touch with what happens at the lower end.  It is a perpetual situation. It is clichéd to constantly hear the phrase "more for less" but this is a never ending blind comment frequently banded around by individuals who don't get their hands dirty and actually examine the systems in place.  When I say examine I am not stating a cursory look over a hierarchy chart or a meeting in which one manager speaks to another. Getting hands dirty means getting on down with the real people and working with them and talking to them, this is where real understanding takes place.  An additional reality here is workplaces are not ran by systems, they are ran by people who run the systems and some people choose to ignore those systems as well as run their sections in the way their personality fits the situation which may well not be to the advantages of the organization and may well be down right malicious. There most certainly are many managers like this.

But it is odd, because I find myself with an optimism I can't shake off. Like it has glued itself to me. Yes I understand things are worse than they every have been, the country is going down the pan, personal debt increases, available jobs are all zero hours and minimum pay yet I am lucky. I am fortunate because I have a job I like. Yes my employer is restructuring the Fish Factory by doing the most ludicrous of things possible and offering enhanced redundancy and retirement packages to those over 55 years of age, on management grade and with 15 years service.  They expected a 100 percent take up and nearly got it.  The ludicrous thing about this was offer was it did not allow for a planned restructure of departments, it assumed a cut in employees who cost the most would benefit the factory.  Now in a department which has 11 managers there are 5 who have accepted the package. With a management structure which has dwindled down and down over the years this means those who are left will have to cover the work of two people.  I don't know why but I keep thinking there is opportunity here.  My workload is so high now there has not been a time in the last 4 years where I have actually been up to date with it.  I have felt stressed and unable to cope with the amount of work I have but am doing my best to harvest an attitude of it is not the work but how I view my workload which stresses me.  Yes there are always many pressing priorities which can have severe outcomes if they are not dealt with and I can not keep up with them, yes the open plan office is a disaster area for concentration, but I feel optimistic and hopeful.  I am in a job and this job will always have plenty of work for me to do.

The good fortune of those who have been selected to take leave of the Fish Factory can give a bitter taste to those who are left behind and have to cope without them. I am so very aware how my workload will increase and how I will not be able to cope with it.  It stands to reason being behind on my current work and being given more isn't going to mean I will miraculously be fantastically productive. However, I will say there is a little sweet pill of happiness because my boss is leaving.  It isn't because she is an ogre I am happy, it is because I have disagreed with her views  Often she has failed to listen to what I've expressed and not understood, she has made demands but not understood the demands of my job mean she is making it even more difficult to do.  Further she has made disastrous decisions, ones which neither I or the entire team of people I manage have agreed.  This means we have not committed to her decisions and been motivated to make them work, after a few months those stupid decisions are then swept under the carpet and ignored.  No further response is heard.  Put it this way, intelligent people will find a way not to do what stupid people ask especially when they ask them to do something stupid as well.

It is all about work, if you have work and your work is respectfully awarded in pay and recognition everything else falls into place in a happy and contented manner. If you are poorly paid and work is like cleaning out the toilets of hell then all would not be well with the world. It is indeed all about work.