This morning I woke up, as I do in the morning, had breakfast listened to the radio then did the bathroom thing. Whilst staring through a face of shaving foam, I couldn't but help notice my man boobs. They just looked a bit saggy to tell the truth. The further realisation is going to the gym was not having the fully desired effect I so hoped. It would seem 3 times a week isn't enough for men with extra bits.
So after work I got stuck into the gym, which is always a little slow going after I've seen Sparkling. I just get too lazy when up North. Even though I took my shorts along I never got out and ran during this visit. I tried my best on the treadmill recognising I've lost some fitness by going slower and having to cut the time down. I then hit the big round ball thing. Like a giant balloon but with a thick rubber skin so even fat men can sit on it. Not used to this odd looking device I placed myself in front of a mirror so I could see how I was doing. It's different from the normal sit up because the thing wobbles so you have to balance at the same time. The sit ups are easier to do I think than just lying on my back. However, with the big ball thing, as I reclined back the rotund shape of my belly stuck out. I could see it in the mirror. Perhaps my T-shirt had shrunk? It seemed a tighter fit than normal. So I did a few extra sit ups with the thought my boobs needed the exercise. I hoped to see the difference immediately, but it just don't work like that when it comes to exercising.
Having left the gym I felt peckish. At this point I realised I hadn't eaten much all day. A bag of crisps out of the machine after gym didn't stave off this empty feeling either. So I checked out a local kebab shop. Made my order for kebab, chips and a tin of Coke, took a seat and waited. And waited, and waited. I sat and watched them prepare orders. Someone had been ringing in. One man wearing a black leather jacket, pop in then out. Another sat at a table and ate a pizza. After a period of 20 minutes I was now a little annoyed. Each order they made I thought would be mine, "it must be the next one" I thought. It wasn't. So I asked for my money back and the man who seemed to be doing all the work became apologetic and promptly made my order. Giving me an extra large portion of frys and kebab. Perhaps i should of insisted on my money back and I did ask for it back 3 times. But the guy just asked what it was I ordered and made it pronto. I left and ate the meal as I went home.
I thought to myself this was a lesson. A very important lesson. Not to use this shop again. I could of easily had a can of soup at home, and less expensive as well. Further the food was going to add more to my waste line than I needed and finally tomorrow morning I'll probably wake up with 44DD's. Great, someones bound to fancy me then.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
I saw Tarzan
Winter is beginning to descend upon us, although the weather forecaster said it is a wind blowing in from the Antarctic. Mind it is nice to have a cold October. It’s about time. Makes you feel the climatic changes of global warming aren’t quite so real.
Well back from my trip to Sparkling Eyes and feeling like the old ways are coming back. Two pints of beautiful dark nectar and I’m feeling a little wobbly on my feet. After the pub I decided to go for a curry, and managed to get a deal from the man behind the counter. Mainly because I had my hand on the door handle and was about to walk out after hearing his prices. Well I suppose businesses still have to make a profit regardless of credit crisis. Shared the curry with big mama who complained it was too hot. Hmmm madras. I know it was hot, but I also knew she wouldn’t turn up the offer of a free nosh up. Glad I shared it coz I shared the calories as well. After last night’s session in the gym I need to watch what I eat.
Ran on the treadmill and knackered myself. So much when I left my legs wobbled. It’s never happened before. Wobbly leg illness. It wasn’t like I’d over done it, but I suppose I had. I didn’t do any exercise when up at Sparkling’s, so it serves me right. Showered, changed walked out and nearly fell over. Bloody legs. Well at least I was able to breath. I was going to take on one of the beautiful people. I even got on a treadmill next to him. This young fella, big muscles looked a typical wanabe Tarzan, and he was running at quite a pace. So I punched in the machine his pace but a little more. Boy am I so glad the machine did not work. I can see it now in the local press. Little pot bellied man takes on Tarzan look alike in gym and has heart attack. I can’t help it. Even when in my mid forties I got the killer instinct. Look out would be Tarzan I’ll get you next week.
Well back from my trip to Sparkling Eyes and feeling like the old ways are coming back. Two pints of beautiful dark nectar and I’m feeling a little wobbly on my feet. After the pub I decided to go for a curry, and managed to get a deal from the man behind the counter. Mainly because I had my hand on the door handle and was about to walk out after hearing his prices. Well I suppose businesses still have to make a profit regardless of credit crisis. Shared the curry with big mama who complained it was too hot. Hmmm madras. I know it was hot, but I also knew she wouldn’t turn up the offer of a free nosh up. Glad I shared it coz I shared the calories as well. After last night’s session in the gym I need to watch what I eat.
Ran on the treadmill and knackered myself. So much when I left my legs wobbled. It’s never happened before. Wobbly leg illness. It wasn’t like I’d over done it, but I suppose I had. I didn’t do any exercise when up at Sparkling’s, so it serves me right. Showered, changed walked out and nearly fell over. Bloody legs. Well at least I was able to breath. I was going to take on one of the beautiful people. I even got on a treadmill next to him. This young fella, big muscles looked a typical wanabe Tarzan, and he was running at quite a pace. So I punched in the machine his pace but a little more. Boy am I so glad the machine did not work. I can see it now in the local press. Little pot bellied man takes on Tarzan look alike in gym and has heart attack. I can’t help it. Even when in my mid forties I got the killer instinct. Look out would be Tarzan I’ll get you next week.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Overdose on Ben and Jerry's
Fine blue fingers of winter begin their slow shivering caress of Scotland. As usual, I realise when traveling 400 plus miles north the weather is cooler. And it's windy, but as ever the sun from Sparkling always keeps me warm.
Sparkling tells me she is my inspiration. "Yes" I said, "the pokes in my side are quite inspiring." It must be the power of her index finger. There's a lot of power in that little pinky. She goes on to say how much she has missed Rock Chick the past weeks. And then states I've missed her as well, it's true. I do enjoy winding up Rock Chick and then getting a reprimand and having to apologise. In the back ground Rock Chick sniggering away because her ma has come back to her rescue. So it should be with mum's and their loved daughter's.
Perhaps it's one of the reasons this evening I overdosed on Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream. Well it just so happens to be Rock's favourite. But it's also mine. Except when Rock Chick is around I never get to taste it. I just get to see it devoured. Hmmm. What an awful thing to do, eat chocolate ice cream in front of me.
I hit some balls at the range with Tall accountancy man. He's a nice fella, and pretty good with a golf club. I'm sure he must of had lessons when he barely began to walk. Nappy on botty club in hand, a dozen golf balls on the carpet. I played with toy cars, but up North kids play with golf clubs or jack up real cars and sell the wheels. No I'm joking they'd never do such a thing. Tall Accountancy man is hooked up with Effervescent Uni Girl she's bright, gregarious and enjoys a good night out. Much like Sparkling in a way.
Sparkling is going to be helping Effervescent Uni Girl next week as L & B man and family return from Florida. It will be a tidying up thing. Although I doubt there will be much to tidy up at all. They are all conscientious tidying up people. I'm not and so Sparkling tells me. Rock Chick is not a tidy person either. It's good to know this, because untidy people get chastised, sticking together in our obnoxious ways makes us we are not alone. It's a world binding big warm hug of untidiness's which unites us. This and Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream.
The problem of overdosing on Ben and Jerry's ice cream is the worry of having a high blood sugar level. Sparkling has advised me she knows CPR and she says chest pounding or pressing what matters, because there's already oxygen in the blood stream. It's a nice thought and probably another reason for me to get yet another phobia and not sleep. It's hot by the gas fire, but ice cream sure goes a long way to keeping it cooler. Hmmmm.
Sparkling tells me she is my inspiration. "Yes" I said, "the pokes in my side are quite inspiring." It must be the power of her index finger. There's a lot of power in that little pinky. She goes on to say how much she has missed Rock Chick the past weeks. And then states I've missed her as well, it's true. I do enjoy winding up Rock Chick and then getting a reprimand and having to apologise. In the back ground Rock Chick sniggering away because her ma has come back to her rescue. So it should be with mum's and their loved daughter's.
Perhaps it's one of the reasons this evening I overdosed on Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream. Well it just so happens to be Rock's favourite. But it's also mine. Except when Rock Chick is around I never get to taste it. I just get to see it devoured. Hmmm. What an awful thing to do, eat chocolate ice cream in front of me.
I hit some balls at the range with Tall accountancy man. He's a nice fella, and pretty good with a golf club. I'm sure he must of had lessons when he barely began to walk. Nappy on botty club in hand, a dozen golf balls on the carpet. I played with toy cars, but up North kids play with golf clubs or jack up real cars and sell the wheels. No I'm joking they'd never do such a thing. Tall Accountancy man is hooked up with Effervescent Uni Girl she's bright, gregarious and enjoys a good night out. Much like Sparkling in a way.
Sparkling is going to be helping Effervescent Uni Girl next week as L & B man and family return from Florida. It will be a tidying up thing. Although I doubt there will be much to tidy up at all. They are all conscientious tidying up people. I'm not and so Sparkling tells me. Rock Chick is not a tidy person either. It's good to know this, because untidy people get chastised, sticking together in our obnoxious ways makes us we are not alone. It's a world binding big warm hug of untidiness's which unites us. This and Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Cream.
The problem of overdosing on Ben and Jerry's ice cream is the worry of having a high blood sugar level. Sparkling has advised me she knows CPR and she says chest pounding or pressing what matters, because there's already oxygen in the blood stream. It's a nice thought and probably another reason for me to get yet another phobia and not sleep. It's hot by the gas fire, but ice cream sure goes a long way to keeping it cooler. Hmmmm.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Tesco's ate me
I took a short walk today. Down to the local Tesco. Although local it is a pretty big place. Normally I don't like such over sized shops, with reputations of strangling their suppliers because of their buying power. But I needed the air, it was raining and overcast. Sparkling was suggesting I change profession to Bank Robber. I'm a little apprehensive about such a suggestion so the walk would give me some relief.
I arrived at Tesco after a twenty minute walk. Not overawed at this point because I enjoyed the walk. It's odd how just an innocent, innocuous thing like walking round a store can slowly creep up on you. A little like the Venus Fly Trap and an unsuspecting fly. Except with Tesco's this was a little slower fly traps are fast. I walked around the stationary area, having a penchant for paper, pens and such like items. They nearly send a shiver of excitement down my spine. Then moved away with a cursory glance at DVDs and mobile phones. A slow yawning crept its way from my lips. I could feel myself taking on a turn. Tiring. But I tried to keep focused. A list of items were to be obtained. The coconut milk was particularly difficult to locate. I had to ask a shelf-filler where they were. In about thirty different ailes the coconut milk took on the width of two tins. I wondered why it wasn't common to have a product finder. I was lost. Energy levels had now sapped away. I had to send a message of hope to the world. So did a quick text to Sparkling. By morning my face would be on milk cartons. Someone would be bound to report where they had seen me last. Perhaps even a blurred CCTV image shown on the late night news bulletin?
After a mild panic attack in which my feet seemed to walk. I had to get past trolleys blocking up the ailse. I did it though. OUT and freedom. Then it was a matter of walking back, which was all uphill and with 3 bags of shopping. Fortunately Sparkling just so happened to pass in the car. What a wonderful sight it was to, unfortunately I then spent another twenty minutes walking round another store. To be regurgitated again.
I arrived at Tesco after a twenty minute walk. Not overawed at this point because I enjoyed the walk. It's odd how just an innocent, innocuous thing like walking round a store can slowly creep up on you. A little like the Venus Fly Trap and an unsuspecting fly. Except with Tesco's this was a little slower fly traps are fast. I walked around the stationary area, having a penchant for paper, pens and such like items. They nearly send a shiver of excitement down my spine. Then moved away with a cursory glance at DVDs and mobile phones. A slow yawning crept its way from my lips. I could feel myself taking on a turn. Tiring. But I tried to keep focused. A list of items were to be obtained. The coconut milk was particularly difficult to locate. I had to ask a shelf-filler where they were. In about thirty different ailes the coconut milk took on the width of two tins. I wondered why it wasn't common to have a product finder. I was lost. Energy levels had now sapped away. I had to send a message of hope to the world. So did a quick text to Sparkling. By morning my face would be on milk cartons. Someone would be bound to report where they had seen me last. Perhaps even a blurred CCTV image shown on the late night news bulletin?
After a mild panic attack in which my feet seemed to walk. I had to get past trolleys blocking up the ailse. I did it though. OUT and freedom. Then it was a matter of walking back, which was all uphill and with 3 bags of shopping. Fortunately Sparkling just so happened to pass in the car. What a wonderful sight it was to, unfortunately I then spent another twenty minutes walking round another store. To be regurgitated again.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Roast potatoes in Goose Fat
The lovely Sparkling Eyes cooked a pork dish with Goose fat roasted potatoes. The first time I have eaten this type of roasted tatties before, they are delicious. The remaining few left over dwindled down as the evening wore on. Sparkling confessed, she just couldn't help herself. I to found a peckish magnetism towards the odd lonely tatty. With a little salt on top. Hmmmm
A program about polygamous families in America is on the TV. Sparkling pokes me. I'm not sure if it's a finger or the edge of her mobile phone. We converse about writing. Ouch. Then my head is massaged with her wonderful fingers. Hmmmm. But from further discussion and her annoying tone those fingers curl up into a little fist which taps on my head. This is her motivation. With the words "come on write something, I'm giving you motivation" I wont go into the other words used or highlight her invigorating attempt at inspiration, just to say it's working.
Oh my how difficult it must be for those Mormon men with multiple wives? Especially when they get old and suffer from Alzheimer's, which would be pretty bad. Especially for the wife who is expecting her conjugal visit because it's her special day of the week. But the silly old sod gets confused and goes to the wrong one. Sparkling by the way likes the notion of polygamy. I'd asked her about it, "yes" she said. Then asked "how many husbands can I have?" I tried to explain it didn't work this way. Instead she indicated a desire to be the first woman in Scotland to be a polygamist. Great. I can see Sven the oil platform worker with his blond hair and Viking looks being popular with Sparkling. I sure hope she don't get Alzheimer's.
Well I'll always have the tatties in Goose fat.
A program about polygamous families in America is on the TV. Sparkling pokes me. I'm not sure if it's a finger or the edge of her mobile phone. We converse about writing. Ouch. Then my head is massaged with her wonderful fingers. Hmmmm. But from further discussion and her annoying tone those fingers curl up into a little fist which taps on my head. This is her motivation. With the words "come on write something, I'm giving you motivation" I wont go into the other words used or highlight her invigorating attempt at inspiration, just to say it's working.
Oh my how difficult it must be for those Mormon men with multiple wives? Especially when they get old and suffer from Alzheimer's, which would be pretty bad. Especially for the wife who is expecting her conjugal visit because it's her special day of the week. But the silly old sod gets confused and goes to the wrong one. Sparkling by the way likes the notion of polygamy. I'd asked her about it, "yes" she said. Then asked "how many husbands can I have?" I tried to explain it didn't work this way. Instead she indicated a desire to be the first woman in Scotland to be a polygamist. Great. I can see Sven the oil platform worker with his blond hair and Viking looks being popular with Sparkling. I sure hope she don't get Alzheimer's.
Well I'll always have the tatties in Goose fat.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Talentless talent
I'm up North keeping Sparkling company, in the meantime Rock Chick is on holiday in Florida. With L & B man and family. They are doing the usual Florida thing. Theme parks, rides, shopping and showing their support for Obama by purchasing as many T shirts as they can. Look out Walmart. For the time being I sit watching TV.
This morning I made breakfast, and remarkably it came out pretty well if I must say so. Sparkling complimented my chef skills. I should do more cooking it's good when a recipe comes together. Although there really wasn't much in the way of recipes, when talking about a fry up. But it is all in the timing. Everything coming together at the same time, hot and not too over cooked. The Cumberland sausages were tasty hmmm.
At the moment I am being tortured having to endure X factor. A shiver descends down my spine as talentless talent thinks it can become famous, without doing the work. I am dying. Someone shoot me. Yes the girl band has got to go. Too many missed notes. The preliminary clips shows how they grew up. Little girls on stages singing their hearts out because misguided parents who can't find their own fame and fortune. Instead from their own talentless talent hang all their hopes on their offspring. Each and every contestant tells their story, how they all love music, have all sang for years and years, and how they will do their best. Someone give me a puke bucket. Especially when the sob stories kick in. The girl banD is going out, I'm sure, they were awful.
But still the talentless shows go on and Joe public watch them. There's got to be more to life. Either writing a blog or throwing together a good dish of ingredients. I can't sing I know it, but worse still are those who think they can. Another good reason to detest Talentless shows or karaoke. Oh dear I've been bad, Sparkling hasn't liked my words, has thrown her foot in my direction and demand I massage it. Damn. I got a big mouth.
This morning I made breakfast, and remarkably it came out pretty well if I must say so. Sparkling complimented my chef skills. I should do more cooking it's good when a recipe comes together. Although there really wasn't much in the way of recipes, when talking about a fry up. But it is all in the timing. Everything coming together at the same time, hot and not too over cooked. The Cumberland sausages were tasty hmmm.
At the moment I am being tortured having to endure X factor. A shiver descends down my spine as talentless talent thinks it can become famous, without doing the work. I am dying. Someone shoot me. Yes the girl band has got to go. Too many missed notes. The preliminary clips shows how they grew up. Little girls on stages singing their hearts out because misguided parents who can't find their own fame and fortune. Instead from their own talentless talent hang all their hopes on their offspring. Each and every contestant tells their story, how they all love music, have all sang for years and years, and how they will do their best. Someone give me a puke bucket. Especially when the sob stories kick in. The girl banD is going out, I'm sure, they were awful.
But still the talentless shows go on and Joe public watch them. There's got to be more to life. Either writing a blog or throwing together a good dish of ingredients. I can't sing I know it, but worse still are those who think they can. Another good reason to detest Talentless shows or karaoke. Oh dear I've been bad, Sparkling hasn't liked my words, has thrown her foot in my direction and demand I massage it. Damn. I got a big mouth.
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