When I left home this morning there was a fog in the air and a chill. I should of got up much earlier but it was one of those waking moments prolonged by the warm embrace of my bed. Something I might add Sparkling enjoys when she has the chance and hasn't been woken up too many times in the night by the cat. Which in less than a couple of weeks will be my duty. I closed the door behind me and by chance happened to look up towards the roof and there I was shocked. Standing to regimental attention was a squadron of pigeons. The looked down from their perch and I could tell were quite happy to be there. With contempt and their own hubris of knowing there was no way I could get to them. I heard a cooing. No doubt a whisper in pigeon, their Sargent had passed the word on I'd noticed them. With calm aplomb, they did nothing and stood there looking down. I could not be infuriated, because I was shocked. Then I took out my phone and took a photo. This would be evidence. It alarmed me for two reasons. Firstly because they might all be a product of prolific group sex under the tiles of my own roof and secondly it probably meant the roof insulation was so poor warmth was dispersing upwards to where they stood now. This demonstration of pigeons was a call for action, more than normal I thought. They had made themselves quite at home to my displeasure.
I didn't know what to do, then thought they must be comfortable so it was a matter of making thme feel uncomfortable, the little blighters. I walked towards the house a few steps. So they could clearly see I was approaching. Then I performed a one man Mexican wave. It was earlyish in the morning, and as I mentioned foggy so unlikely I'd be seen. At which they all took off. Flying in a big circle as co-ordinated flock, quite beautiful in some respects. Then it looked like they were about to come and land back on the roof. But I stood there, staring up at themgiving them the beady eye, watching and ready to do another wave just in case. On their second flying circle the squadron fanned out a losing their formation. Their Sargent will likely discipline them later. As they approached the roof I could tell they had lost their bottle and so didn't dare to land. At which point the flock completely dispersed into different directions. My work was done. Now I don't have to put on a scare crow's outfit, just get up tomorrow morning and give them another wave. Just have to make sure they don't decide to dive bomb me and crap at the same time.
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