Look out Santa those deer are at the mince pies

Sure is chilly out again. The forecast for tomorrow is about 8 inches of snow in the South of England. We might just get it as well, or it could be one of those false readings, where the weatherman has been out doing his food shopping and got stuck in a freezer trying to fish out an extra nice looking frozen turkey. So his fingers are cold, completely cold, he's hit the studio and lost his meteorological notes, so what does he do? He makes up up like the rest of us and bull shits the weather. I hope, because it is just too cold and I'm eating more than usual. At this rate I will be Santa on Chrimbo day and the one thing every man tries to do, is not put Santa out of a job. Do I need to go on a diet or what?

I wonder if the man in red has some kind of malleable belly which elongates itself. He must have, otherwise he'd get stuck just trying to get into a chimney. Unless he greases himself up with goose fat before he goes down and lets gravity do the rest. But if he did then there would be tell tale signs on the Chrimbo presents, you know. Greasy smudges on the wrapping paper. No he's probably got it all sorted out after hundreds of years of practice and shrinks himself like Alice. Then gets big again by eating mince pies so he can deliver the presents, then shrinks yet again to escape back up the chimney. I wouldn't put it past him to take along all is reindeer as well. In their shrunken form of course. They wouldn't be a problem then. I mean no sane person would want full sized deer in the lounge while Santa drops off his parcels. They would get up to all sorts of mischief, at least small they could be controlled and if they decided to have a dump it would be so small no one would notice. They just blame it on old fat Santa. Their craps would be like specs of dust, I certainly couldn't see them being a problem. Unless they were inadvertently enlarged. Which means Santa must muzzle them, he doesn't need out of control normal size deers. Who does? Not me. They probably got more fleas than my cats. Which is saying something. Which would be the worse scenario, however I hear they don't have Unions in the reindeer world. Poor things. Just mark my words though. It only takes one to get to the mince pies and look out Santa.