Dose of the shites

I got the shites, it's not very nice, it never is, but this is a particularly bad dose of the shites. I'm not permanently shitting, but get attacked by sudden spasms. This morning has been awful, I was attacked again and intestinal warfare is such a nasty business, it seemed I had my arse on the bog for about twenty minutes. A bit like the movies jaws, when you thought it was safe to return to the water the large sharp toothed fishy would hit again. As I sat there and relieved myself feeling relieved about to disengage like a spacecraft would undock with the space station, I'd then be hit again with another wave. It wasn't a pretty sound, sometimes even explosive, I thought about what I'd eaten and something suspicious came to mind.

Now this was probably the biggest beef in black bean sauce and steam rice they had ever given me at my Chinese.  It could of fed a family of four. Or one budding fat man who is now in the obese category. So I ate it, the lot. It didn't taste as good as it should of tasted. I was sure a piece of meat was not right, but it went down anyway. Maybe it shouldn't of, I haven't been back there since. On account of a recent reading from the kitchen scales. Although they don't talk the did creek and if they were able to talk they would of said "get of you fecking fat bastard" what language from a domestic appliance as well. Yes, it was the beef, there was something not right about it and I am paying for it now. The thing is whatever I eat has had a funny taste to it. Maybe it has been multiple sources which have given me the shites? Talk about having a bad day, or possibly a bad week in this case. It was so bad this morning I've in even wondered whether I should go into work. For the moment though it is calm. Mind there can't be much left in this fat belly which can be lost out my arse.

A look of the NHS website indicates there are three stomach problems which can cause the shites. Unfortunately the worse one can last several weeks, it's called Giardiasis. Having this might even be an advantage and help my weight loss.The other two causes last less than a week. This one is the hard nosed ebola of shites, it's a parasite which lives in the belly and can be treated with antibiotics. It's a bloody amazing what you'll look up on the internet when you're ill. I know I have a fragile belly but this form of the shites is news to me. I don't think I'll boast about it though, I'll just run off to the toilet when needed, but now I think about it a standby packet of tissues might be useful. Just in case someone else has the shites and uses the last one from the dispenser. When you get to my age it's all about safety and security. Or rather having a bloated painful belly, which is generally bloated anyway.

They say there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, my shite is getting to see a lot of that at the moment. For the time being there's a lull, yep, it's the lull before the next shite storm. A very real one at as well.