Make tourism illegal

Now this may seem like an odd thing to say, but if you happen to frequent an area where there are tourists, which is nearly any area of London come to think of it, a certain level of anxiety and frustration will be present.  It may even be harsh to make holidays illegal, but tourism is one for the books to think about. If you are set in a routine of where to have lunch, coffee and the chill out with the locals to suddenly find the establishments so fond to heart taken over by tourists just makes my blood boil. They sit there just lazing about and taking their time as if there is all the time in the world while workers running about them have to fit in their lunch during a limited break.  They cue up and when reaching the counter they don't know what it is they want, so even after waiting in line for ages they make the rest of the cue wait even longer while the amoeba like brains scan the goods and they decide what to eat, drink or to ask further questions about.

If you are local to a put then a set of tables of chairs should be set aside just for the locals, with a little sign on top which says "feck off time wasting tourists." Of course worse or less worse expressions might be used than this. I certainly can think of a good few.  Alternatively because tourists are so stupid then maybe there should be a special tourist set of prices, prices which are fifty percent higher. It makes sense, if they want to be part of the locals and they are visiting just for the one day they should stick a hand deep in their pocket and pay for the privilege.  There may be businesses which live of tourists more than locals, but in an area I visit if the locals didn't use those businesses they would be bankrupt and empty buildings. It may be nice for business people to make a little extra cash on the side, yet at what real cost is it. This lunch time I walked away from my local coffee shop after seeing the crowds, and although I will visit again it will not be immediately.  Possibly in a couple of weeks time, because to me they have sold me out. I was here first not these wondering about mumbling-not-knowing-what-they-are-doing penguins.  I feel like Miss Doolittle and want to shout at them "move your blooming arse!" Instead I walk on head down depressed and caffeine less. Maybe it will do me good to miss out on an americano today.

Really I should just relax, perhaps go on holiday, even ask one of these tourists where they come from, then turn up there and stand in front of them in the cue, taking my own sweet time to chose what I'll have from the menu, I bet it must be a very relaxing experience.