Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The art of Fat Blogging

It seems when you stop writing blogs then you stop getting views.  Like the old blogs are not enough by themselves.  Even when I am writing new blogs the old ones get more hits than when I stop writing them.  And why did I stop for a short while?  I don't know I just did.  Sometimes things don't have explanations, or I know what they are but just don't want to write them down.  Hell if there isn't a loyal following then why should I delve into the inner workings of my mind.  Heck, it can take a day off, maybe more every once in a while.  So I have.

I see myself getting increasingly fatter and hate it happening.  Last time I went on a real diet which was hell it lasted months and I lost 17 pounds.  A pretty big sack of sand.  I'm even heavier than then and if I carry on at this rate I'll be getting fatter even more as each year passes.  Only to be reminded by copious TV programs about fat people slimming or the health implications of being overweight.  Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol the lot.  Farting is the least of worries for fat people.  It's not just food it's alcohol consumption as well.  I wish I had a naturally high metabolism and didn't have to worry about these things.  It's unfair skinny people have high metabolisms.  I bet there's a lot of skinny people out there who want to be fatter but just cant.  They sit there with three or four hamburgers in front of them a few portions of fries and a large milkshake, they then wipe the plate clean and are none the fatter for it.  Poor bloody things.  Skinny people need to get a metabolism transplant and look a bit healthier.  Worse still are the ones who are skinny because they don't eat much.  It's like they have no appreciation of food.  Of how beautiful food is.  I see some skinny girls eat crisps (potato chips) one at a time as though the crisp is the most filling thing in the world, and is the most precious thing.  Heck, I an eat a whole bag of crisps in under a minute easy but these girls make their snack last at least thirty minutes.  Shame on them.  Life is to short to be so cruel to a bag of crisps, they were made to be eaten not admired.  Their very insubstantial nature means once you've had one bag you should have another or even go for the family size bag, the big one which is an aspiring hand bag.  No.  Some people don't respect food enough.  Food prices are going up every day, so you have to eat as much as you can before they go up again.  Go gorge should be the motto.  I read somewhere in a few years time meat will cost a week's wages.  All because China and India are becoming richer and want to eat more meat.  So eat it NOW.

So there are some good reasons for being slightly overweight, and substantial reasons.  All I need to do now is become a compulsive BLOGGER just as I am a compulsive stuff-my-face-eater and lover of food.  Now if only typing was as good an exercise as running, skipping, cycling or mountain climbing.  Wake up, it bloody well isn't.  Think I'll just console myself with a little snack.  Take my mind of it all.

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