Going on from my last Blog, I'm now going to cogitate on the notion of choice and how it comes about.
"I have the freedom to choose."
A recap, others can not harm me unless I let them, therefore I have the freedom to choose whether I will let them. In psychological terms this is about taking self control of a situation, and the harm which is done is usually mental distress of some form. By saying I am not bothered, or it is not going to have an effect on my control is taking back. However, there is a thought process which must be gone through. Of mentally accepting this and reconciling both thought and feelings.
My nephew Layabout Boy, is 24 years old and hasn't had a proper job since he left school. I would meet up with him on occasion and buy lunch, we'd sit in a pub and then chit chat. I found myself getting angry at him I thought he should be working, and he was not trying enough, no matter what he said to me. I was getting frustrated, there I am paying taxes and here is someone who for years doesn't know what the meaning of work is. I then found rather than being an encouraging uncle just accepting who Layabout was I was meeting up with him and sticking the boot in. Grumbling, moaning. This didn't do either of us any good. I could see it happening to myself so then decided the best thing to do was to have a period of time, some weeks where I did not see him at all. This way when I did eventually set up another chit chat session I would be calmer headed. But still I would be holding in my misgivings about Layabout's job searching efforts. Really this was not a solution. I knew it, because it was negative, negativity was not going to improve the situation. I also realised it would could spoil the relationship I have with Layabout. This thing I had was with me, not with him. But at the same time I could not help how I felt. I was wondering how could I get around these feelings inside. The niggling, angry and annoyed feelings I was projecting onto Layabout. So what did I do?
I sat in the pub, one afternoon, with a book, on my own. Not reading the book so much. I was just looking into space. I kept playing about with these ideas, I didn't want to lose my nephew and distance myself from him. I asked myself why should I let it bother me. I told myself I should not let it bother me. This process of introspection went on for at least forty minutes, maybe an hour just on this one topic. I love him, he is my nephew, it's his own life, I should be the happy helpful uncle. The one he can turn to, a support if he needs it. My own mental frame of mind began to break down. I asked question after question of myself. If something ever happened to me and I never saw Layabout again, how would I feel? The more I played with these thoughts a transition and dissolution of those negative feelings took place. I was hitting them hard. I was hitting them with a sledgehammer of reason. With this barrage they could not sustain it. The angry frustration was being replaced. Layabout was too important to me. You fight for the ones you love, but the hardest fights are with your inner self. Then it happened. I can't put my finger on the precise movement because it was building up and up, I just let go off all the baggage. It fell to the floor in piles and then sank down through the earth. There was not trace left. It was then replaced, by warmth and love, an inner peace and happiness knowing the next time I saw Layabout the negative headed devil was not going to be around.
There are universal freedoms we all have. One of these is the freedom to choose how we psychologically deal with a situation. This process means breaking through emotions which are harmful and finding the path to own self control. I have the freedom to be happy, even if I am in a dire situation, because I know distress and negativity will just pull me down and will not be of help. I have the freedom to be constructive to take back my own control of how I see things. I can't do this for others, but another saying goes along the lines of.
"Physician heal thyself."
and the other is:
"To change the world you have to first change yourself."
This process is not a one off thing. It is something which has to be practised. Part of practising this is understanding the reactive nature of the self. If a bee stings me I will first react by making a vocal sound of pain. Look for the sting, perhaps scratch at it, complain to someone who is near me, it's easy to see. In a similar way this happens with emotions, they can be reactive and when they are reactive I can equally act in a reactive way. The situation then takes control of me rather than I take control of the situation. It is a universal truth, being clear of mind and calm makes for better decision making. However to achieve this it is necessary to step out of the reactive frame of mind. A mind which can bias the world.
So the world had changed this morning. But whatever the result, being chased or not, I was going to feel happy afterwards regardless.
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