Finding Time

Odd how time goes by, or rather how it's used and then passes. For instance staying indoors on a Sunday, watching the box for hours on end, playing internet games and all the while saying to myself I will fit gym in later. Later comes, but gym or that little walk, or cutting the overgrown prickly bush at the front of the house do not happen. The day passes with a wisp of sadness as procrastination and the can't-be-bothered effect kick in.

The alternative is having lots of things arranged at a time and something very important comes along, but because it's short notice it can't be fitted in. Things like this can tear me up. Especially when it's one of the highest things on my list of important things. Very high. If I'd of had enough notice I might of been able to shuffle about, make arrangements, fit the most important in, but I can't. No time to put plan B into action, plan A has too many people relying on me and saying "hey Buddy you're already committed to slicing the bread!" The breads waiting and the knife is ready, I got to turn up, like it or not.

So I get torn up inside, hurt even, on the verge of tears because I can't see Beautiful Sparkling Eyes and I need to. It's a bit like worrying over something you can't stop yourself worrying about even though you know it's no good. I know Sparkling eyes will be disappointed, and knowing this hurts me again. So now I have 2 lots of hurting. I want to shrug it off like it's a layer of rain clinging to my coat, but it don't roll of so easily. The beautiful smile on her face, and the look of those so wonderful eyes, I'm not going to see just yet. Not in person. But if I think really hard enough I can see it now. First contact after a long time opening the car door, and looking over to the smiling, warm, happy and mischievous Sparkling Eyes. I just want to tell her how beautiful she looks. Kiss her on the cheek and tell her I love her. I calm while Teenage Rock Chick throws a verbal joust my direction. Keeping as best I can my tongue still, bite it hard though I do like the odd joust but in a car with Sparkling Eyes at the wheel I get told off. It's all playful fun a missing each other hello. Light, cheery and significant because right now my tears tell me so.

The thing with time is making sure it doesn't pass without memories. And what better than memories of important people. Saying hello, being happy in their company even if I happen at time to be the butt their jokes, it's all in fun. I care with fondness, as I step back and recall; for instance being made to laugh so hard in the kitchen while swallowing a drink it shot out of my nose; being duped into eating half a dozen anchovies when I thought it was just one and even told once I'd got man boobs. Though I really am trying to get rid of them, hopefully I'll lose the training bra next week.