There are some pretty big conspiracy theories out there, when I say out there I mean out there, as I gesture with one hand and wave in the general direction of a void. Any void will do. Such as the moon landing. The one where NASA didn't actually land on the moon but on some studio set in the Nevada desert, or was it with the Nevada desert as a prop? I can't recall but you get the general gist of what it is all about.
However has anyone considered the smaller and much lesser alien controversies. Well not controversies as such because this would mean a lot of people know about them. I'll elaborate. What about the alien influences which happen on a smaller scale than NASA's invasion of the desert? Who speaks of these? The abductions which involve smaller objects, or things. This is because I'd like to step forward. I am an alien abductee. Yes, I am. OK now just get over the shock of this, but I must warn it has happened at a personal level. I wasn't in my car driving along the motorway. Which is stupid. Firstly because I don't have a car and secondly if anyone knows what the motorways are like in the UK no self respecting alien would ever attempt to do any abduction because they'd be on BBC news 24 within minutes of it taking place. Going back to the personal level. I believe my hair has been abducted.
It's not like me to seek public recognition or even go to the newspapers and become wealthy with my story. This is just not my style. Even if I mentioned George Takei was driving the space craft at the time I'd be laughed out as some kind of maker-upper of tales. I know it wasn't George because he's been staring in "I'm a celebrity get me out of here" no, it was just someone who looked a little like him. But an alien. And it's not like this event has happened just the once. A major story will give the ins and outs of what happened one night when Mr Smith drove home and then his engine failed to start. No mine is one which has happened over a number of years. Should I say more recent years. Hair has been removed from my head. There. I feel a great relief now I have let this information out to the world. What a burden it has been. Aliens have been stealing my hair follicles. Here and there over the years. The result has been the gradual thinning of a once proud mane of hair I used to have.
This morning as I looked at my face in the mirror, I noticed there was less than the normal fluffy stuff on top and wondered how can you make your hair look more than what it is? So I gave it a good washing and watched as it dried off and began to fluff out. The realisation dawned on me, and I understood. I've been a long term subject for alien studies, except they don't want my body because Sparkling and Rock Chick have already sold it to medical research. No these aliens are now taking away from me the only thing I have left. Except for my eyebrows. Yes, the hair on my head. One hair at a time, like a dripping tap and now I see it's effect.
It might seem strange but the reality is hair is pretty important. Because your hair holds a record of your dietary habit. Well depending how long it is. I had a few months of my dietary habit chopped off during the week by the hair dresser. The thinning can only be due to reduced hair follicles because they have been abducted. It is the only logical and reasoned conclusion I can come to. As the years wear on I may become bald. But it's something I'll get used to, no thanks to the little green men who visit me. Which has got to be on a frequent basis, although maybe not so frequently now. I'm prone to sleeping with one eye open, it scares them off I'm sure.
Anyway, I wonder if I can throw them off the track, perhaps get them to abduct somebody elses hair, or use another ploy. Web sites for hair pieces anyone?
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