I woke up this morning and to my surprise I had grown a third arm. I thought to myself "that's handy Harry stick it in the oven" but seeing as it was already attached and I didn't feel overly peckish I decided not to chop it off and roast it. Not this morning. But it has come in very useful. Especially after getting over the initial phase of wondering how I was going to hide this additional appendage from the sight of other people. Being a trend setter I'm sure I would of been mugged with requests of "how can I get one of those?" a secret I was not going to give away, because my fairy god mother would be in overtime mode and she's got too much to do this time of year. So in a way the additional arm was there to help me and her. Given some adhesive take I was able to strap it to my body so it looked like I'd put more weight on round my belly than usual. My excuse would be too many mince pies at this time of year, people would empathise and take no further notice. So I did the usual day of graft and got home to unwrap my extra bit and begin the second job.
Second job. This is wrapping presents. How wonderful this extra arm has been. It is a Chrimbo dream come true. I was able to both wrap and at the same time tear off a strip of adhesive tape to stick the paper down. In a job which normally takes hours I was able to shave off more than a minute. I can eat my sandwich, drink tea, stroke the cat, surf the web and pick up the next item to be dressed for Chrimbo, scratch my head, sing Dixie and play the banjo. This takes me back to the days when I used to sing "all I want for Chrimbo is my two front teeth" after they had been smacked out by a rebounding swing ball I'd set up in the front room and hit with just a little too much zeal. What a life changing situation to experience. I definitely recommend this to anyone. Particularly as genetic research is coming on with such bounds and leaps there's no reason why new born babies couldn't have the extra arm rather than grow it just before Chrimbo. It would save time on fashion and getting used to, because you have to balance yourself differently, especially when tight rope walking. Which I haven't done today by the way, but have on my diary penciled in for Tuesday.
Sometimes it is necessary to snap your fingers and realise it was all just a dream. What on earth is this extra arm doing here?
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