I went to bed last night, physically tired and needing sleep. Read a little bit of my book at bedtime, it's a thriller by Jo Nesbo where a policeman is trying to catch a bank robber, then let my head lay on the pillow in anticipation of slumber. By this time it must of been getting close to midnight or even slightly after. My eyes were tired, my body was saying in as far as it can talk "sleep, sleep" yet my expectation did not come about. I thought well it is early yet and you can't really expect to get instantaneous sleep as soon as the pillow approaches. Certainly this time round it was the case. It was like I was on the edge of sleep but unable to go to sleep. I would of liked to say I had drank too much coffee and it was the caffeine, but it wasn't the caffeine, I hadn't taken anything in the way of a stimulant. Unlike other times when trying to sleep and it doesn't come I didn't think about sleeping, I just lay there. At one point I wondered whether it was worth getting up out of bed and making a cup of tea. Well at least then I would have an excuse. I got pretty close to this, but again for some reason didn't.
It was odd, because I seemed to be in the mental zone. You know the place. Where if someone poses you a question or puzzle it is easier to concentrate. Not to say the solution would be any quicker in coming. It was being in the mentally alert zone. I noticed everything as well. The creaks and groans of the house, the wind blowing outside, Big Momma in the next room breathing deeply. I was sensitised but not afraid. Not afraid and alert as in Sparkling recently telling me she had gone to bed after watching the horror movie Paranormal Activity 1 then 2. I didn't have the I-am-too-scared-to-sleep alertness. No. This was something very different. This was the kind of alertness you absolutely desire when stuck on a very difficult Soduku and every body around you is making noise. This was the kind of alertness where you can actually achieve things. Great. I wanted to achieve bliss in the land of sheep and fluffy dogs when the one thing I wanted wasn't going to happen. It's all pretty paradoxical. Just like a dream. It might of been I was really asleep but dreaming I was awake. Or it could be we are all asleep this very moment and our lives are just reality imaginings. Blimey. Sounds like I'm going into the world of Neo from the Matrix, if not some weird theoretical metaphysical argument. The kind where I might say "A" exists where "A" is some random event. Then state "B" exists as a time and place. Then say all "As" will occur in a "B," which of course would be true. However, my next statement is what if "C" existed outside of "A" and "B" and yet it was as real as anything else. Yep. This will get you thinking. Unless you consider this is the ramblings of a crazy man, which could also be true and would mean "C" was a concept beyond the mind of sanity so could be disregarded. Oh dear. Whatever you do don't disregard my blue suede shoes, Elvis used to say. If not it was something quite close to it. So returning back to not being able to sleep. I had some how entered a land of being completely relaxed but also completely alert. Now if only there was a switch which could tap into such a state "on" or "off." Which would be interesting.
So much thinking is making me feel tired. Hopefully I'll sleep like a log tonight. One which has not rolled over or wondered what it will be made into. One which lays quite still and just "is" and nothing else. Blimey sounds like another case of "C" to me.
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