It's starting to get cold out. Winter has popped it's head around the corner and blown into the air. I can feel it, luckily this morning I put on a thermal vest and have felt shielded. In Scotland there has even been snow and ice, there it's minus one. Here in London it's been five degrees. This is a far cry from Malta's 17 degree winter chill I was feeling just a few weeks ago. I can understand why people go to hot countries in the winter and come back to the UK in the summer. It makes sense, six months here and six months there. Keep out of the cold and in the warm, suffer not the burn of chilblains.
Our cat Stinky is pissing on the floor of the loo. I wonder if he's feeling the chill? There's no doubt about it. He's a dirty little bugger, if his bollocks weren't already detached they'd be removed. In fact, I might attach a pair of bollocks to him just to get the pleasure of cutting them off. The toilet now has a cat piss smell about it. The door doesn't close properly when it's closed, so it's easy for him to push it open with his paw. He's now got into the habit. For a week we'd been pulling the door closed so it clicked in place and he couldn't get in there. Then Big Mama forgets to do it and he pisses there. It's no good for the chip board floor which appears to have the surface start of rot. He'll get more than imaginary bollocks cut off if he keeps it up. I tried searching on the Internet to find out a little about cats. It seems chastising them doesn't work. But hell it helps me when I shout at him or stick his nose to the carpet. It helps me because he keeps away from the toilet if I'm around. The cat's mind appears not so much a mind as one running on histrionics according to the literature. I ask, who the hell can get into the mind of a cat? Surely only a cat can. Next time he does it I'll get angry again. I'm pissed off with the smell of cat piss while I shave in the morning, it's not anything like the fragrance of Armani. One source indicated cats dislike the smell of citrus. Personally I think he'd dislike the smell of dog. One big butch Rottweiler please, just to guard the loo. I'm sure it would keep him out of there. Only thing is what do you do with a Rotty when that begins to shit in the loo? Well, I suppose dogs can always be trained, cats are too high strung and need a 24/7 psychiatrist to unfold the workings of their brains. I'm so fed up now I don't want to stroke him, because if I stroke him he may in some weird cat way believe I am giving him approval. Which is something I don't want to give him for making me wince from the stink of his piss in the morning. It's not like he is a useful cat, he's never caught any of the pigeons who think our garden is a playground and dance on the roof at four a.m. when they wake up. In summer that is. For sale, one screwed up pissy cat. I wonder what I'd get for him on ebay? Or whether some group of cat lovers will want to beat the shit out of me for even thinking about it. Hell, they can have Stinky for free, no charge of any kind. Just add comments to this post, I'll eagerly check it in the next ten minutes to see if there's any replies.
If it's not the pissing it's the morning meows. They will begin anytime from two a.m. onwards. He sure can't blame it on the pigeons because he sleeps in the kitchen. But it doesn't stop him crying out for a couple of hours just waiting for someone to get up and let him out. I'll let the bugger out alright, but I'll not let him in. Letting him piss in the cold will certainly not effect the toilet. God now I got to think about a rotting floor, a plumber and a carpenter will cost a fortune to fix it if the bloody thing gets real bad. Big Momma doesn't understand these things, no matter how much I tell her. The reality of this pissy floor could be hundreds of pounds.
OK for sale, One pissy cat, otherwise quite affectionate and lazy to boot. What will you offer me on this cold chilly day?
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