I don't know if this is a common phenomenon with people in this world or whether it is just me. But the older I get the fewer people I class as friends, to the extent I am not entirely sure if I have any friends at all. For to have a friend suggests there is some kind of regular catch up with so called friend, and if it has been months and months since you saw each other, or even years then the friend becomes an acquaintance with history. Real friends take a while to nurture, they provide comfort, compassion, discussion and fun. They can also be complete pains in the arse, but usually the two balance out, until the day of reckoning and you realise this thing can no longer continue it's course, a line has been crossed and the psychological contract is broken. Friends on the internet are not friends and I don't have any of those either, well except for the odd person on Face Book (FB), but I don't even like FB because to have a friend should of seen them in person, conversed and have coffee. Some people have thousands of friends on FB yet I am sure they do not see each of those persons even once in a year. So a FB friend isn't really a friend at all, it is a name on a list and gives the user a false sense of perception of their own popularity. I've seen videos on YouTube of people who used to have FB accounts and then closed them down, realising FB was an addictive and none productive piece of software which had taken over their lives. They then grew as they ventured out into the world to meet real people. The problem is meeting real people to make friends and I'm not really counting people who are met in the workplace. Again, workplace colleagues are not friends unless you see them outside of work and you don't work with them every day because now it's beginning to sound like some joint stalker pact scenario. I can see it now, two people discuss a conference call, catch up on emails then shake hands on a mutual stalking policy to be enacted once out of the workplace. Doing their best not to let their partner's know.
I really would like a friend, but not at any cost, a good friend or one I could call a best friend would be great. Not someone who is continually depressive and needs company to share their sorrow. I got family who can do this, they live in their own little bubble of self involvement, self devaluation, self judgement and self hatred. I struggle and fight against them on a constant basis so they don't infect me with their vibes. Showering in holy anti depressive water, buying in bulk depressive repellent garlic, which I then make string necklaces of and wear when I have to go and see them. They are emotional vampires and I end up confronting their self indulgently and debating a different view of how they should take it on themselves to do something and get out of the shit hole they just purposefully sat in. The world has damaged them so much they say and they didn't do anything, they are the victims. Though not innocent. I'm psychologically exhausted by them and now revert to do my best not to talk to them if I can help it. I would not mind a friend who has different opinions from me, it's good to hear a different viewpoint of the world, but I would hope they are not a typical male of the kind who is preserved in a formaldehyde of sport TV and football. I can't help but think how much life has been lost by males who can only talk sport and nothing else, who have encyclopaedic knowledge of the last 30 years of football games and will talk avidly about their team but don't have much to say when talking about their family, how their children make them happy or mad. It is as though they have lost something important in their life. Sport may be important to some people but it is not as important as life. Passion is good but is should have a variety of sources and not be centred on last seasons fixtures.
Wanted a friend, someone who I can have one-to-one heart to hearts with, hey I'm not gay either. A friend who has a sense of humour but they don't have to be a comedian. A friend I can learn from and who I in turn can give support and opinion to, I'm not arrogant I'll not overwhelm. I want a friend who will defend me when needed. I was once in a café and ordered a meal, the meat on my dish didn't taste fresh so I complained, a friend I was with said to the waiter "it must be his mouth" even though he was eating the chicken and I was eating sliced beef. Lets just say this incident and others mounted up to the day of reckoning. I don't think I am demanding too much. Nowadays my best friend happens to be my ukulele, but it doesn't talk back to me and can on occasion play out of tune. Further, I can hardly sit in a London pub having my one pint of Guinness and sit there talking to a ukulele balanced upright on a chair. Ukulele's have only just so many uses.
If I get no reply I understand, it's life. People are busy rather than searching the internet for real friends. At this rate though I'll be on course to become a ukulele virtuoso. As long as I'm happy I wont mind. Where'd I put the garlic?
Friend wanted, feel free to leave a comment, I'll get back to you.
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