"the unexamined life is not worth living."
In fact Socrates said a lot. I don't particularly read any of his works, I mean it's old stuff, some of it is probably on stone tablets. Then once in a while a saying pops up, I then research the origin and it may well be one of Socrates. Collecting sayings is something we all do, whether from books or people we know. They are tags of quick reference, they set a scene and all else which follows is linked.
I think about my life all the time. It is as if it's more than a habit, it is something which happens naturally and often without real conscious thought. Just sitting at a desk, or watching a movie and out of the air would come a replay of an event from memory, followed by the question of why did it happen in the way it did. Were I an ice cream seller then probably it would all be a lot easier, but selling ice cream would not be enough, I'd have to know more about the ice cream, how to make it, where the best ice cream in the world comes from, whether there was an ice cream convention. It would go on and on. Especially if it were a passion. Just as examining my own life, it is an obsessive process. At times it brings happiness in it's reflections but at others I am in despair and just can't put things together. For the moment this is how I'm beginning to feel about work. It is workplace stress. My ice creams keep melting before I've had a chance to take a bite of them. If only it were this simple.
However, stress comes from multiple sources. It can be from kicking the dog on the way out of the house, not being able to find the thing you want. Like today, at lunch time I had it in my mind to get a certain pie, chips and beans from a pub. I went in the pub ordered a soft drink then at the food counter found there was no pie. I didn't want anything else, my mind was fixed on this impulsive, irrational need and it could not be satiated. So I went without the pie and got something else after quickly downing the drink. Disappointment on a small but significant scale was what I suffered. Later after work I went to the same pub, sat down with a couple of people I knew and we chatted. I felt exhausted after work. Someone had fed the music machine with coins and it was pumping out crappy electro hip music. Which wasn't even contemporary. I looked around and recognised the individual who would of fed the machine. For it is always the same kind of music they select. The volume was impinging overwhelmingly on my senses. I complained as I sat with my pint. Then decided I'd had enough and walked out, leaving half the pint unfinished. I wanted to relax, to chill. Yet twice in the same place I'd been disappointed. I made the choice and I walked out.
I think it is important to wrestle control, because the things we don't do are just as much by choice as the things we do act on. It is blame which gives the feeling of helplessness and victim status. I spoke to my 25 year old nephew and he tells me about his state of anxiety. About how he is afraid of everything in the world, everything causes him anxiety, he blames everything he can and takes no responsibility for his non action. He has been moulded by his upbringing and no matter how I've tried to coax him into making his own decisions for himself or motivate and raise him up, he always reverts back to the same frame of mind and sets of behaviours. it is sad, I want so much for him but it is his own choice even though he will deny it, he is what he is. Just as a melting ice cream is what it is. In need of some chilly air or a greedy dog to come and lap it up.
So I'll finish with another saying
"you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."
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