I am ill at the moment. It is some kind of flu like thing. It's the end of summer, and I get the flu.I would not of thought this was actually possible. The worse thing is I don't know how I got it. Nobody I've spoken to seemed to be ill. I have been so careful about catching viruses it's ridiculous. Being stuck in bed isn't the best way to spend a day off work. Four little walls just closing in. I have to get out at some time, but feel so week as well. My head has been pounding so long I don't know if it's a migraine as well, but it's not quite as intense. Coughing and spluttering I get through the hours with nothing to say. There's very little you can comment on when the only company you got is a pillow, earplugs and a radio who's battery has just run out. As I lay there in bed I realised how fat my belly was as well. Great, so not only am I ill but indulging in self torture. At any minute I think this thing will lift. It will ascend away from me and I will be perfectly well. A minutes passes and nothing happens, an hour passes and I can not truly say there is any difference at all. It's exactly the same feeling as the one which was there 12 hours ago. Shit. No bloody movement at all.
If it were about luck, then yesterday would of been the luckiest day of my life, I'd of won the lottery. I'd be a millionaire and would have chartered a plane to go and pop in on Sparkling Eyes and tell her how life had just changed. How on earth can anyone get the flu in summer? This should not happen, it is not right. Flu is a winter thing. Not a summer thing. So it has to do with luck, it is to do with bad luck, being in the right place at the wrong time. Incredibly bad luck.And being ill isn't just a physical symptom because it pulls you down mentally as you are in a mental fight. I might have placed one foot in front of the other to get from one room to the other but those steps were bloody difficult to take, the room half spins and I am weak. The effort was all mental. The desire to sleep falls on me and I can't fight it, I have to lay down. I close my eyes and then time has passed a couple of hours. Whilst yesterday at work time passed exceptionally slowly. I knew I should not of been there, but I forced myself to stay. I should of just left I wasn't up to it. But I stayed and carried on. I'm fed up with the martyrdm when I'm not up to it. I'd rather be at work than ill. Maybe it was this thought, stay at work because while here you can not be ill, you must get on with work. It didn't last and I left early. They don't pay me enough. Even at lunchtime as I went out to enjoy the sun and some respite, the sun barely warmed me up, it made me comfortable but not hot. People were out and about in their shirts, mums were pushing babies in prams, all enjoying it. Whilst I suffered with the occasional shiver. Ironically I couldn't get hot on a hot day.
Damn it sucks to be sick.
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