What do you do when your cat refuses to act like a cat and do what you expect him to do? Stinky isn't going out in the garden, maybe it's something to do with the snow, the cold or his plain misunderstanding of his own job description. The one which begins with, "You are a cat." I've gotten to the point of talking to him and trying to explain what his role is in the household. My personal endeavours to go running out in the garden when the pigeons drop down to scare them away just isn't cutting it. I hear a great flock of them on the roof, run out, find a stick and toss it up towards them. The stick appears to float upwards through the air in desperate slow motion and the pigeons fly away no harm done. I'm just scaring them, but they keep returning. If I scare them away enough then maybe they will not perch on the roof and get under the roof because the big-bad-man who resides there is a monster. The type they would talk to their chicks about as they grow up in the nest. The reality is I should be made redundant from this role because stinky should be doing it not me. So what is wrong with him, how come he is not up to the job? He should be prowling around the house, looking upwards longingly. The pigeons in the meantime would warily wonder if their perching places is the best to be and just maybe, they'd fly away to someone elses house. The situation is getting so desperate I have even considered dressing up as a cat and taking Stinky out in the garden then he could watch me chase the pigeons. He might learn something from it. Mind the image of a fat man in a cat costume doing this might scare him for the rest of life and give him a phobia. If they talked to me the neighbours would think I had cracked up. And maybe the pigeons would fall of their perches in laughter and fly away. The pros and cons are too complex to weigh up. So I can't be sure whether there will be an effect on Stinky at all.
As there is an abundance of snow around I've now taken to lobbing snow balls at the pigeons. I sit in my room and see the blighters as the come into land. A bit like 744 squadron. "OK lads, approaching roosting site, undercarriage down and ready yourself for another warm night in fat man's roof." Shortly after this I run downstairs, find boots, do up laces, zip up cardy, put on hat, rush to back door, unlock, close grab bend down for ammunition, snow ball complete and lob. Not quiet as quickly as 744 squadron but it seems effective. I went out for the second time today and they must of recognised me because they flew off before I had a chance to make my snow ball. It's a pity those icicles which are beginning to hang down didn't form in reverse then they'd get a cold sharp pain up their arses before they had a chance to land on my roof. Bloody things.
Mind Sparkling Eye's cat also has a fear of going out in the garden in the snow. The purchase of a litter tray has stopped him from pissing round the house. He feels much more at ease. It's like cats just don't like the inconvenience of being cold, fur coat or not, they just don't like it. Now were cats Polar Bears they'd have no problem with it. Of course the living arrangements for cats is a lot easier than Polar bears, just thinking of their shear size. But saying this, having a Polar bear who chases pigeons would be a plus. Providing it doesn't get stuck on the roof and be scared of getting down. Oh dear, if it's not one thing it's another you have to think about.
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