Non speaking Sparkling and too much Guinness

Sparkling has lost her voice, so after a few pints I tried to ring her up.  The phone was put down on me.  I cried.  she didn't want to hear me.  I wasn't expecting much, a whisper would of done.  Then I get a text reply, in which she uses a number of profanities.  It's like the world wants to hear her, when it is the worst thing in the world to talk.  I can feel my own throat going a bit funny as well.  Poor thing.  I love her and said so in at least three text replies.  There were responses from Sparkling again they had language I can not repeat, in fear of harming the innocent.  Poor thing.  I said in response, if love could heal you would be perfectly well now.  I'm sure at this point she was probably pushed to the brink of madness and would of rung my neck.  I'd of deserved it, except for the fact I'd had too much Guinness in the pub so it was the Guinness speaking.  I still love her anyway.

I needed to hit the loo just before I returned back to the ranch.  Walked up three flights of stairs which is really a big drag when you have difficulty putting on foot in front of the other.  Staggered from side to side.  Looked up at the CCTV camera and gave it a big smile and a wave, although no one was around.  It's a message just to say I know you are watching.  Then pushed open the swing door and headed for the urinals.  It was then I realised how another version of hell can hit an inebriated man.  As I reached down for my zip, I couldn't find it.  It had somehow got stuck.  I fumbled and thought shit, if this carries on I will be pissing myself.  Perhaps this is karma coming back to bite me in the arse for trying to text Sparkling.  If so it was in advance because it wasn't till later tried to ring her.  It seemed like hours.  I could of sworn I was wearing mittens.  Where is the bloody zip I thought.  Somehow one of my finger nails caught it.  With a little more effort I was free.  A torrent of relief followed.

Darlink I love you.  Even when I'm pissed, see my face I'm smiling right now.  Yep he's definitely had one too many.