When I first landed in Sparkling's door we caught up on the events we had each been through since my last visit. This is a common thing. Followed by wine for Sparkling and beers for me. Then it is usually into food. We both love food, which is to blame for my increasing waist line, and the fact I barely exercise nowadays. As we chatted away Rock Chick turned up and it was wonderful to see her again so early. I let it known since I'd been on the train I hadn't eaten much, just a chocolate bar and a coffee over the last 7 hours. So was looking forward to food. I was half way through my first beer and feeling quite happy when Sparkling battered her eyes at me and asked me to do her a favour. Being I was so happy to see Sparkling I was completely amenable to doing anything for her. Which is natural. I don't mind doing most things for Sparkling, but I have to be aware for sometimes a request from Sparkling can have consequences, those are for me, but provide enormous entertainment for her. I am as it were, a walking entertainment centre when there is little else about to entertain.
So it was, Sparkling went into a short conversation of how she had bought some chicken portions from the local supermarket then, when she had opened part of the packaging on one of them, an awful waft, came from it. It was clearly off even though it was still in date and it should not of been off. I asked why she didn't take it back to the shop and Sparkling said she had rang up the supermarket and they had requested instead she provide them with details of the receipt. There were numbers on it. She could then claim a refund from them and they would probably give her extra because selling foul smelling foul is not a thing any self respecting supermarket wants to be known for. I listened to Sparkling and it was then she said the receipt was still in the bag. The plastic carrier bag and chicken portions were sitting on the patio. She asked if I would open up the back and then call out the numbers on the receipt to her. She did not want the actual piece of paper because it would probably be stinky as well. I asked the stupid question, "do you know what gone off chicken smells like?" Followed by "Of all the things which make me want to heave, gone off chicken does it." There was no thought in my mind over this little favour, other than it had been asked of me and I'd do my best to help.
So I opened the back door, and there sitting lonely on the patio was a plastic carrier bag. It looked kind of swollen up. With the back door open, Sparkling and Rock Chick watched me. I knelt down and looked at the bag and then took a deep breath, this was not going to be pleasant. A knot had been tied in the top of the bad with the handles. The first difficulty was to undo this knot. Precious time passed by while I was eating away into my lungs full of air. I managed to open it up and then could see the chicken pieces, there was also a couple of large blue bottles. One was stuck to the meat dead. I couldn't see a receipt anywhere and looked up to Sparkling at which I asked "where's the receipt?" What a big mistake. For after muttering those words I had let out the remaining air supply and had to take another breath. But the breath I took was engulfing putrid smelling chicken. Like smelling salts there was an instantaneous reaction as I heaved. Yet as I'd had little to eat nothing was spewed. My eyes welled up and tears began to roll down my cheeks, I screwed up my nose as though to create some kind of nasal barrier. I gagged again. Sparkling looked at me and laughed but insisted the receipt was there. I moved the packaging to one side and saw the receipt. "Yes I found it." Sparkles asked
"Read out the receipt number, the till number and the date for me."
"How long has this been in the garden?" was followed by another heave and gag, hell, how was I going to get through reading the printed paper I thought. Rock Chick was behind Sparkling and with both laughter and empathy saw what I was going through.
"About a week" she replied. In both surprise and disgust now I had to find the information Sparkling wanted. I must admit to one thing, when I found the right part of the receipt with the number on it, I suddenly realised how bloody long some till receipt numbers are. This must of had about 15 digits in all. I read out carefully and clearly about 7, gagged, took another breath and tried not to breath in through my nose. If there was a time for having a heavy cold this was it. I read out a few more numbers and then finished. After which Sparkling said.
"Read them out again, I just need to be sure I have written them down properly." There was no room to delay a reply are indeed contemplate whether I would read them out again. I just thought, get on with it and get the bloody thing over with. So I went through the digits again and Sparkles checked and read them out with me as she'd written them down with a pen. Immediately finished, I rapidly tied the bag up and took the chicken to the dustbin. After which Sparkling said. "Oh, I'm not sure I've got them all."
"Yes you bloody have, I'll give you the money for the chicken there's no way I'm doing that again."
It was later revealed to me by Rock Chick, how Sparkling had purposefully put the bag out into the garden and was going to ask me to do this task. Rock Chick had been asked to come up to the house so she could be part of the audience. Rock thought I was hard core because I'd not used gloves or anything. I indicated there was unlikely to be any rubber gloves in the house anyway. The entire chicken incident had been a convenient set up, Sparkling was certainly going to claim a refund but, she thought it best to let Fat Boy do it because it would be more fun.
Next time I mess with a foul chicken it will be in a chemical warfare suit and industrial gas mask. And what did we have for dinner? Bloody chicken.
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