There's some words which come from an advert, they are "because I deserve it" and as I walked around the supermarket for some reason I heard myself saying this. It went along the lines of:
Oh there's a two for one offer on mini pork pies, now if I get one packet I'll get another free "cos I deserve it." i checked out the mince beef and onion pies and there it was, another offer, buy three pies for £1.50, hmm sounded quite appetising, I'll go for it "because I'm worth it." The pies fell into the shopping basket with the other 2 packets. I passed the cakes and there was an extra long Battenburg. It looked good because there was extra free, the same price as the smaller one but more of it. My eyes widened. I can't I thought and resisted the temptation. Next was shelves piled with different varieties of chocolate. The organic bars which had a variety of flavours were beckoning out to me, they had a special price deal as well buy two for £2.50 "because you deserve it" I double glanced and turned away. The resistance factor had worked again, "because I'm worth it."
Well there is now a lot of pies in the fridge, too many of them. All of these could be the items needed to build up to a self-fulfilling prophecy of the Biggy some time. Only last night I was thinking I gotta change my lifestyle, but it doesn't help it with a "because I'm worth it" catch phrase. Notions of being a healthy, fit bodied older man yet again go out the window. An image of Prince Lorenzo from BB forms in my head, but not quiet. Well at least someone loves me, regardless of what I grow into, which will probably be a tent at this rate.
On the platorm of the train station I met a colleague from the Fish Factory. She told me how her weekend was spent at the sea-sde, she and her husband watched people fishing crabs. "I wouldn't know what to do with one of them, if I got one" she said.
"I heard somewhere if you put a lobster in a cold pot of water then bring it to the boil it doesn't scream. I suppose you could do that with a crab as well." I replied, adding, "or you could use the other method of taking a knife and cutting the spinal cord." In a somewhat horrifed response.
"I don't think I'd do that. I think I'll stick to the prep-ackaged crab from the shop."
"Well you know all meat comes form animals."
"Yes, I know, but it's not the same, you don't have to kill it. It's not like it's a lamb." I took the thought further at this moment.
"like you could be out in the back garden and say to your husband, look over yonder hill there's a sheep, get your gun out, tell the neighbour there we'll have some chops for her and the family from 52 they can have a leg. As for the head, I got a suspicion the couple at number 10 are Satanists, they might have a use for it."
These comments bought laughter. I'm not sure if it was plain hysterical funny laughter or weird hysterical laughter, as if what I she didn't know how to respond to a stupid comment. Well at least I made someone laugh, pity it wasn't Sparkling.
So next time I got shopping, I'll try stick to the fruit and veg market, where there's no pies, chocolate or live crabs on the end of fishing lines. Well thank heavens for the half price salad I had for lunch and it was double the size, yep because I'm worth it.
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