Death by food

This morning in an effort to reduce my carbs intake, I had fish for breakfast.  No toast, when bread stuffs are a normal staple this was an effort, but afterwards I felt better, I'd eaten pretty healthily.  I then had it in mind I would later hit a supermarket and get a salad for lunch, today was to be the day when things changed.  After doing two and a half hours of gardening so as to burn up calories I was on track.  Big moma had told me we were expecting visitors for lunch as well.  She was cooking a large chicken and lots of carbs.  Roast tatties, tatties, Yorkshire puds.  But something told me to stay at home and not go to the supermarket.  So I did.  Our visitors did not turn up, Big Moma had got her wires mixed up and it meant the additional three extra meals on the table were not going to be eaten.  If I had bothered to get a salad then there she would of had six dinners all to herself.  So there was no choice but to get stuck in.  To eat as much as possible, because food is expensive and can not be wasted, even though most of it was.  The start day of my diet was over, I feel demoralised as though everybody doesn't give a shit any more and I am going to get fatter and fatter and there is nothing I can do about it.  It's easy to say you have a choice not to eat, but do you?  Big moma had spent hours cooking that dinner.  There wasn't really a choice at all.  Packets of crisps littered the sideboard.

So when it comes to dieting it's not an easy thing to do.  When it comes to trying to live a healthy life, again it is not an easy thing to do.  There is temptation purposely put in the way, there is obligation to stuff your face put so close to you that to go against it is sacrilege.  No wonder the West is getting fatter and fatter.  No wonder I am getting fatter and fatter.  No matter what exercise you do, eating as much as this isn't going to burn off the calories, definitely not in this century.  I sat and did an hour of typing this morning, but hell how many calories are burn in an hour sitting on your arse pushing keys?  Not enough, that's for sure.

I relayed to Sparkling the awful day of not fasting.  She listened and laughed.  I'm on a no brainer to a place six feet under or a clay pot and weighing so little a small child could lift me up.  I want to cry over it.  I've had enough of it but can't stop myself at the same time.  It is like I have now become a complete prisoner to the habit of eating junk food.  Every little step I take to be good and healthy is hit back by a big giant step to being fat and unhealthy.  Trapped, no where to go, no guidance, no support, stuck in a rut.  A unhealthy food rut.  With no one understanding the consequences of shit food and over indulgence.  If I kick the bucket next week don't say I didn't warn the world.  For I have.  Only remember me.  Sit down at a table and have a great big jacket (carb ridden) potato then say cheers Crazy, I knew him well.