I had a lay in bed this morning getting up an hour later than I would were I at work. Breakfast and listened to the radio, the Today Program. I hear fares have increased by an average of six percent. With the cost of living and inflation higher than any workers wage increase this is yet another nail in the coffin of anyone who has to graft to get their dosh. It seems inevitable. A Tory government as usual means the working classes will suffer. What a wonderful start to the second day of 2012. I must remember now to write 2012 whenever I do the date, perhaps even have a little practise now so I don't make a mistake. But it doesn't matter too much, we all make mistakes. Like the idiots who voted the Tories in I wonder at what point they will realise it was a mistake. Regardless of this depressive news, I woke up wanting to do something. As though there is an event or goal missing from my life. This began last night.
Sometimes there is a period where I get fidgety; like sitting still and watching TV is no longer fulfilling in my life and there has to be something else. I think back on my achievement, the big marker. Coming out of school with no qualifications having failed six O'levels, four of which were "D" grades. Can you believe it? Ds. Where we were told the only difference between a D fail and a C pass was five per cent. Four bloody Ds. Was it luck, or being unlucky? One or the other. The amount of effort didn't relate to the grades. Growing up in poverty in a family where arguments and rows were the common battle ground of getting through a day. It was tough. Education was nothing more than a babysitting service, a convenient place where kids went to get them out of their parent's hair. Educational support at home was non existent. I was once told "I don't see why you are staying on at school doing O'levels, I didn't get any exams and you'll not get them either." Life for a working class family is inscribed in stone. Don't have any aspirations just accept your lot. Get on with it. Go out and put the bread on the table, if you can't then don't bother coming back. It was OK for those who passed their eleven plus and went on to grammar school, with a great educational system to support them. Any other child stuck in the comprehensive route was considered a write off. The grammar school snobs were the lucky ones, they passed their exams and they had families who supported them. I soon found out my failing at school meant I would not walk into a decent job. A job where the standard of four O'levels was required. At a time when there were good jobs going. I'd have to put up with as low paid as they come. So I did. It was only the desire to pull myself out of this quagmire which led me on to tertiary education. A way out. Or rather a temporary excuse from the normal tedium of a hard life.
So it was last night I had a fidgety motivation, unresolved issues needing to be addressed, there is an unspent energy, a desire to get on with something, the thing is I don't know what it is I want to get on with. It is not a clearly defined goal. This is not to say I don't have goals, I have some but those are long term ones which can't be achieved in a couple of years. More like ten or fifteen years. This motivation is a feeling of being unfulfilled but not knowing where I should be going of not being recognised there is more to me than meets the eye. Especially when I see other people around me and I wonder how such idiots were able to get to the places they are already in. Their paths of mistakes are open, they are so lucid, just like the politicians of today trying what they will to address the country's financial deficit. What I know is their path is the wrong one, one which will bring the UK down on its knees where a great depravity is about to bestow itself on millions of working class people. Something is so very wrong and unjust with our politics at this time.
Were I a politician this motivation would be directed to getting into power. To changing the country. I'm not, I follow politics and get frustrated by it, maddeningly frustrated by it. Anyone who doesn't have an interest in politics or how it effects their everyday life is ignorant. Of all things there certainly is too much ignorance in this world. Education is one of the keys, you have to look beyond the immediate. Short term goalism is another blindness of idiots. What is wrong with me today. This diarrhoea is spewing forth from my typing fingers.
I need to get on my bike, have a cycle, get out, do something. Sitting here I am stewing. It's OK if it's vegetables and meat in a pot, on a slow simmer. Nice, meat and veg stew, but I'm a human being. Now, where's the bike?
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