Some years ago while sitting at a computer and industriously working, at the Fish Factory. I heard this high pitch sound. It was like one of the computers on the factory floor wasn't quite working properly. Most people had left by this time of the evening so there was just myself there. I then got bugged by this noise, it was annoying. so I got up out of my seat and tried to find which computer had not been turned off correctly. There were some monitors still running so I switched them off, and there was the odd computer as well, but before I switched the computers off I stuck my head next to them to try and detect whether it was the same high pitched noise. Nope. I was walking some way from my own workstation and then thought whichever device it was must now be switched off, although I wasn't quite sure. The head test had proved to be negative each time. I sat down and began work again. After a few minutes I realised the sound was still there. I turned my head to the left and to the right. I couldn't tell where it was coming from. At which point I wondered whether it was me, my hearing?
It took some time to realise it because I was most part in denial about the whole high pitched buzzing noise. If I concentrated by listening to other stuff it would kind of go away. Yet it always returned. Sometimes it was there sometimes it was not. Kind of intermittent. I'd heard of tinnitus before because of documentaries on TV or health items. It then dawned on me I had tinnitus. I haven't been to see my GP and have considered my own self diagnosis as accurate. I know what high blood pressure sounds like and it's not the same. Tinnitus comes even when I'm completely relaxed. It's like my head is going to explode at some time. I'll tell you when it happens. It has been a nuisance and irritated me, but I am lucky enough to be able to distract myself from it. It was when I began to see it as a friend, to accept it was there it became easier to deal with. I'd purposefully try and tune into it. The noise is constant, the same very high pitched screech, something akin to what a dog whistle would sound like if the human ear was able to detect it. Other times it sounds like rain in the distance or an old TV not quite tuned in. I can focus on it and accept it. It can even help me sleep. I know this is an odd thing to say but it's true. It has and is on occasions a useful ally to have in the hum drum of vicarious noises.
I do have problems concentrating at times. I like quiet environments when I'm doing something complex and can't understand how some people can concentrate while all around them are making a lot of noise. I know it is a matter of attitude. If the environment is noisy it doesn't help getting uptight about it. I just wonder off and make a cup of tea, or decide to do something else which doesn't require me to spend as much brain power on it. I'm not sure if this is because of the tinnitus or not, I just know I can achieve more when relaxed and undisturbed. Hence also how it can help me sleep.
I think it could be a function of old age, but on my days off work, just after lunch I can sit in a comfy chair, put my head back and fall to sleep. This can be anything from ten minutes to an hour. The TV can be on and it will not matter. It's as though my body is feeling so tired it just has to take a nap. It really is a shame there are not special seats set aside where this can be done in workplaces. For after my nap I then am fully awake and alert. Though today I could easily have slept for a couple of hours. It may be related to not getting a full night's sleep in the first place. Sometimes less than six hours. It all depends on a lot of factors. Right now I can hear the distant fall or rain in my left ear, it's not raining of course. In my right ear there is a high pitch whistle. The computer is also standing on my right side so it is likely to be a complimentary tinnitus effect.
My friend tinnitus, my friend. You are with me and you are not going away. Well not for the moment. Sometimes he does which is nice for the time, then he returns again. I greet him and listen to what he has to say. Now if only I can learn his language.
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