Whenever I go into the Fish Factory it is like a continuous stream of stress. One thing after another is thrown at me. I dodge to the left, to the right and then straight in the face I'm hit by a custard pie. Not a little one a blooming enormous one, it was thrown by Goliath. The right dodge and left dodge worked but only so far, I should of ducked as well. But sometimes when shits is coming from all directions you get hit. It just happens. So I did a little search on the internet to see if there is anything I can do to try and avoid flying turds. If there are techniques to dodge the bullet, hop, skip, jump and waltz if necessary. Here is a list of them.
1. Avoid stressful situations - This is not going to happen, when you get paid to take stress you can't avoid it. Only an idiot would come up with this idea.
2. Set realistic goals - Hell, everything which is thrown at you has to be done, first it's necessary to work out what is realistic, what is achievable and what the time frames are. Realistic goals is all relative.
3. Set priorities. - Shit, this sounds a bit like realistic goals. Everything is a priority, how can you prioritise the priorities? With extreme bloody difficulty.
4. Change the way you react to stress. - This is an interesting notion. It doesn't say how you change the way you react, just that it is necessary and important to change the way you react. What if that tendency to yell out loud and kill a few cuddly cute giraffes is changed for the tendency to laugh and tell jokes. Well there wont be much stress but then there would probably be no job either by the end of the day. Saying this, changing the way you react is proactive. It just needs a bit more definition.
5. Use different relaxation methods. - This seems an utterly useless suggestion, because anyone in their right mind would of looked up different ways to relax and wouldn't want to read a solution which says find a way to de-stress. It's not rocket science Einstein. Whoever said this was a moron. Come on be bloody constructive. In the meantime I'll try a quick swig from this whisky bottle. It's different.
6. Avoid extremes. - Sometimes it is not at all possible to avoid extremes of anything, because it is other people or outside forces which decide what pressures will be applied. Lets be realistic this is on the unrealistic of solutions.
7. Change how you see the situation. - I like this one. It's like saying you know the situation is difficult but you're not going to let it get to you. It reminds me of Kipling's poem "If" which I have read a few times over in the hope it would help me.
8. Sleep.- Hell, I'm stress, how the earth am I going to sleep? Where's that bottle another swig of this might help.
9. Replace bad habits with good habits. - Easier said than done. Better put the bottle down, nothing yet about double vision and staggering.
10. Take control of the situation. - Kind of useful. If something is running at you like a freight train, step to the side and don't just stand there. But trying to control the uncontrollable might be difficult. Mind nobody said dealing with pressure would be an easy thing to do.
11. Work off stress. - Yep, I'm trying to do that right now, then I'll go to bed and sleep, sleep it off.
12. Listen to music. - Guess what, this is one of mine. I think it helps, slow, funny, whatever it is you like, get jiggy to it baby, coz the jiggy will release natural endorphins.
13. Think slow. - Mine again. In a stressful situation there is usually a requirment to think quickly, but in thinking quickly things are missed, the basics which even a kiddie can see. So, do the opposite. Think slow, think methodically, let the pile of shit line up and take its place one item at a time.
14. Take long lunches. - Mine, taking a lunch breaks the day up. It gives you a chance to temporarily re-charge those batteries or listen to some of that music you were going to get jiggy to, above all you should remove yourself from the place where the stress is being generated. Hence lunch and luncheon out of the workplace.
15. Meditate - I'm always one for meditating, now don't mix this up with another word which starts with the same letter, you'll get arrested.
So when I think about it there are many things which can be done when the shit hits the fan, I forgot to add, buy a helmet and a lottery ticket. Hell you got to have one for protection and the other for something to look forward to, just incase you have to return to the same place tomorrow morning.
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