In with the Large

Well the time has come and no matter how much I kid myself, hitting the gym, eating like a vegetarian-not; today I threw out the some medium briefs and loaded up on the large. They were just a little too tight at times. And there’s only so much testicular strangulation a man can take. The bin gratefully ate them and gave me some slack. What a relief.

However, in ever lasting hope things will change I’ll still continue with the gym, rather than singing out aloud in a alto tenor I’ll go bass. Though it’s not real singing as such, rather the odd grunt in between laboured breaths as I trudge along on the treadmill. I usually alter the speed so my little leggies can slow down. This way no one comes over to ask if I need resuscitation. With all the pretty people there I expect there wouldn’t be much chance of being resuscitated, they’d be checking out their profiles in the mirrors. Left side, right side and then checking their hair. Gyms are no longer the place of blood, swet and tears. Unless your shorts are too tight.

Choosing briefs was simple. It helped there being a special offer at the prestigious Hollywood store called Primark. With it’s recently imported brand. Good VFM, value for money. And they had plenty in size large, unfortunately they were all black. I’d of liked some patterned ones. Not flowered. Just different patterned ones but there was none there. Someone must of got in before me. Someone with as big an arse, or if they are unlucky a bigger appetite and tight large briefs because like me they are fooling themselves.

Unfortunately, people are getting bigger in the UK. Maybe it’s another American import caught on here. Except we don’t talk with the American accent. Mind in some countries, being large, or overly large is seen as a symbol of wealth. A Nigerian lady I know told me so. I don’t suppose they considered the effects of type 2 diabetes or the planet. For it stands to reason, heavier people will require more fuel or energy to move them about on the bus. There is no doubt we all need to go green, so my large briefs are probably a smack in the face of the green lobby. I expect it’s something the green lobby don’t want to think about. I wouldn’t blame them. There’s more important things. Like the disappearance of the whale. “What whale?” I hear you ask. Any whale. Hmm perhaps there is a connection there, maybe whales are being used to make large briefs. I understand, it explains the explosive farts. Not me of course. I mean the real big people with the missing whale briefs. Note to self, avoid walking behind big people, especially in closed spaces.