This was my first day at the Fish Factoryas a slightly bigger fish. It seemed to begin slow, but ended up as one of those days where it felt I was getting nowhere. Nothing was being achieved. Information was coming and going, being passed on, then there were two separate meetings one a introduction to another middle fish who I knew anyway and in the afternoon a short training session. Which was exhausting. All "mind" work on how to use an implement. Then before I knew it the day had flashed passed. I had done a 9 hour day, quite a lot for me and the maximum allowed. Somehow I managed to send a text to Sparkling, which was probably as I left the Fish Factory. In reviewing the things I did, which seemed few, the one I so wanted to do but could not, was to attach a tie pin to my tie. Sparkling sent it to me, and for some unfathomable reason this seemed so very important. I tried at least three or four times and they were at different times but it would not attach itself. So I put it in my pocket and felt it there. I wanted it so much to be on my tie because for me it represented Sparkling being there. When it refused to stay in place I was a little sad.
Then life goes on. Fortunately the day was relatively uneventful and no overly big trials were forced upon me.
I'm reading a new book and have just finished at a page where the author quotes a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet Act 2 Scene 2, it is "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." When I think about things, I then merge into feelings of those things, of their importance to me. I was sad about the tie pin, because Sparkling is the most important person in the world to me, and I want so much to hug her and tell her I love her. Her absence from my everyday life does not mean she is not in my everyday life for she is part of many of my thoughts. Unless I am really busy, then there is no time for any reflection. So my thoughts of her were associated to the tie pin and the fact I have not seen her for a long time. However, the quote relates no all thoughts regardless of their outcome. It says in other words, I can not be harmed by something unless I give way to the worry and vexations of whatever it is. Then it's not the actual object which really harms me, it is my own thoughts. My own feelings. It's complicated to tell the truth. For sometimes it is not so easy to stop thinking about something, then the mind just goes off like an untamed horse running down the street and it can not be caught or stopped, it just goes into it's own panic. Heavy stuff.
How would such a dilemma be overcome I then ask myself. Alcohol, drugs, meditation, ringing up the Samaritans and boring to tears some other poor soul on the end of the phone who has a do-gooder attitude. Oh yes. Say at 3 a.m. in the morning, which would pretty much teach them having a do-gooder attitude can result in an interrupted night's sleep. A little like those people who go on a course in how to Counsel think they have suddenly become qualified psychologists, but are more ignorant, than much else. No. Lets not be so nasty to someone who volunteers for "listening" duties and doesn't get paid for it. I'm sure there are some very good Counsellors out there, somewhere. For listening to another human being and empathising with them is a powerful tool to have in the old kit bag. The old kit bag of personal traits not related to a personal curiosity of other people's woes. I'm not so hot on the drugs side, but I must admit to a little bit of alcohol now and again, and even some meditation (don't confuse with medication=drugs). Thinking of nothing is a wonderful thing to do, I personally would say the whole world would get on with itself a lot better if it just took time to sit down and think of nothing. I tried this one day last week when walking to the Fish Factory, it was a great exercise and really got me to slow down.
So it is, the perception of time can pass very quickly, I miss Sparkling and need to get some time with her, otherwise I'll become just another cog in the Fish Factory. Needing a little oiling once in a while.
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