Who holds the knife an fork?

It is with a loquacious tongue I let it be known, there are things of this world beyond understanding of man. No. Not just man. All men. And of those things in particular, woman stands out as number one. So it is I re learn my lesson. As I sit watching TV with Sparkling Eyes and Rock Chick. I'll also mention how I have become the temporary slave to a black and white feline cat, who goes by the name of Oliver. But this one doesn't moan out for more food like Oliver in the play. This namesake meows and the house shakes.

I and Sparkling managed to walk around a large DIY store without breaking out into an argument. I'm sure it was because we were both tired out. A wave of fatigue pulled my eyelids down and beckoned me to just let them close. Sparkling was talking to me, trying to convince me over something, I can't remember what on account of having memory problems and not finishing a great memory book on account of forgetting where I put it. To continue. Sparkling carried on talking to me and I could not put up any fight, my fight had gone. My eyes did indeed close. I stood there and momentarily slept. I could feel myself waver and wondered if I would fall over. I agreed with Sparkling. At this moment she could of been selling my left kidney to a dodgy looking man standing at the entrance with a carving knife and fork in his hand. Fortunately she wasn't. I managed to walk out intact. We then went to have a coffee, I ate some biscuits, put three teaspoons of sugar in my coffee and swallowed it down like a life elixir. On the way out I noticed the odd looking man was missing.

Tonight I'll sleep with one eye open.

I was promised a new delight. Chicken livers, deep fried. I been looking forward to this dish for about 24 hours, unfortunately on our walk around the supermarket there was none in sight. Instead Sparkling did me dinner with a large pie, peas and roast tatties. My belly extended further while Sparkling ran off to Weight Watchers to see how much she lost this week. Were there a weight gainers club I'd of leisurely trotted along and asked what the latest fat fad was, no doubt Sparkling would of been there earlier taken notes and began to list my next day's meals before the germination of food came to my own mind. So I'm feeling fatter than usual, maybe there is some kind of inverse relationship between Sparkling's own weight loss and my weight gain? Lets cross out the "maybe" and replace it with a definite "yes." The feline fellow I run about after could be doing me a favour, he could just be giving me the exercise I need. Unfortunately it's not enough, I'd have to open up every door window and cupboard at least a thousand times in the day to burn off the pie. Heaven's knows what it would of been had there been chicken livers available. The only way I'm going to lose weight is if I cut something off. Where's the man with a knife and fork gone?