Crumpets and pigeons

Well after a couple of days, the pigeons stopped coming out from the tiles at the front of the house.  I don't know why but they are still using the tiles at the back of the house.  It could be there are two separate flocks of them and those at the back have some alternative way of entering underneath the roof tiles.  Half the job done is better than none.  Yet I am still vexed by them.  I look up at the house and think my mate has taken back his ladder and now not am I impotent in checking where the pigeons get in or out, I can't paint a bedroom window which is in desperate need of it.  Not to mention autumn will well and truly be here in the next couple of weeks.  It wouldn't do me much good if I did have a ladder, there's been so much rain painting would be out of the question.

This dieting lark has reached a plateau, last week I lost nothing and for some reason I feel nothing will be lost this week.  I am almost giving way to my cravings, you know the ones.  To eat crisps, chocolate, biscuits and cake.  I am giving in to carbohydrates and am pretty sure this is the reason why the last week has been abysmal.  Bollocks, shouldn't of eaten those two crumpets earlier, they're bound not to help.  When will the scientists create an alternative to flour which isn't a carb, there would be a lot of money in I'm sure.

It's not just the dieting which has hit a brick wall, I went to the gym tonight and didn't feel like doing much there either.  So only did half a work out.  I see some snotty nosed kid running fast on a treadmill but one away from me, like yeah,  you little shit, you can run faster than me I thought.  But after five minutes I saw him drop the pace down considerably.  His bursts of speed running were just to show the world that he can do it but he was showing off, he couldn't sustain the pace so has no real stamina.  Then after twenty minutes I hit the wall and had to walk.  God what a come down it was.  The real fat man walking side was showing up.  I couldn't even compare my walking pace with the little shit's slower jogging pace.  He'd well and truly beat me now.  If I were twenty pounds lighter I'd really show him what a fat or rather not so fat older bloke can do.  The little snot nosed bugger if I had a rottweiler and he was out running I'd see if he could run even faster.  Four legs are better than two.

I suppose the alternative is to feed the pigeons and get on good terms with them.  Then ask a favour.  If they see the little shit come out of the gym go and have a big flocking shit on him.  Sometimes the thought of being Doctor Doolittle can be quite appealing.