Bamboo socks and the Sock Collecting Monkey

The other day I bought some socks.  I needed them but didn't need them so badly as to buy 7 pairs at once, this was mostly what the shops wanted to sell.  Instead I bought a set of three pairs.  They are grey and black with a nice pattern of magenta horizontal lines through them.  Each pair is slightly different which kind of adds to the appeal.  Part of me realises when I next go to Scotland they may decide to take a walk into Rock Chicks own sock collection, such is the nature of socks in Scotland.  Looking at a pair as they hung up to air, I touched them again to feel their texture.  The amazing thing is they feel so soft.  They are beautiful.  A pleasure to put on in the morning, just really nice.  I read somewhere these socks are biodegradable and don't last any longer than three years.  Which is a shame, but the truth is none of my socks last this long anyway.  They kind of disappear.  Possibly appropriated, possibly even worse.

Stolen by the Sock Collecting Monkey who attacks when you least expect it.  The Sock Collecting monkey is silent, never ever caught and has a bizarre fetish for socks every man will know about.  There are said to be many of these creatures around the world.  They have conventions but you will not hear or see these conventions unless you are part of their inner circle.  Their outer circle are the lesser known but equaly annoying Glove Collectors.  The Sock Monkeys are good at their job.  Not one has been seen or left a evidence of their existence.  In physics there is an elusive particle called the Higgs boson particle.  These monkeys pride theirselves on being as mysterious.  More so to the physics experts, who you are likely to find wearing odd socks or socks with holes.  Curtisy though they don't know it yet of the Sock Collecting monkey, otherwise known in short as the SCM.  Everyman is at some time touched by the SCM.  They may not know this at birth but their name is written down in a big bound leather book by the executive SCM.  Date of birth, name and place of birth, current residence is a must.  They keep tabs on us.  Then at an appropriate or inappropriate time you will only find the marks of a visit by the absence of a sock.  They are colour blind the SCM so really don't care what your socks look like, nothing is off limits.  Long socks, short socks, beautiful socks and old tatty socks they all have a place once appropriated.  They see themselves as being superheroes to their kind.  But to me their nefarious antics are approaching the super villains league.  Unfortunately they are so far off the radar not even Batman and Robin can save us.  We are doomed to be plagued by them and have to face life accepting this one vexatious thought - socks will always go missing.

The only consolating thought I now have is, steal them if you must monkey, steal my bamboo ones if you must monkey, but their biodegradeable and you won't get to play with them forever.  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.