Washing up liquid on a car wheel

Well prior to Rock, Dangerous and Baby being picked up from hospital there was a little trip necessary to the car mechanics. The new used car Sparkling Eyes has been given requires a new strutt for the front right suspension, (driver's side). It has somehow dropped and is rubbing against the tyre.  Last week Sparkling noticed this and thought the car was burning oil. It wasn't. It was burning rubber from the wheel. When I had quizzed Sparkling about oil burning I'd asked if there was white plumes of smoke coming from the exhaust. From my limited knowledge on burning oil this is usually what happens. Somehow as usual the conversation seemed to get mixed up and confusing. I was talking about burning engine oil but Sparkling's real problem was with the strutt.  So this afternoon we've taken the car to the mechanic's workshop.

The advice given from L & B man and relayed to us was the use of washing up liquid. To squirt it on the wheel and the strutt where it leaned on the wheel. I'd gotten the bottle of liquid and was then directed on what to do by L & B man.  Sparkling got in the car and I was told also to sit in the car on the front passenger side. Being fat L & B man said my weight would help balance the car onto the other strutt. I'm not entirely sure of this logic, but it's what I was told. Further my task was to get out of the car when Sparkling stopped in on route, take the washing up liquid and squirt it on the strutt and tire. So like a lubricant it would hopefully stop the tyre from burning up too much. I did what I was told. Having to get out of the car about three times.  On two occasions there was traffic which had to pass me as I crouched down and squirted liquid. Sparkling also told me to "shut up" when I said I could smell burning. It was bad enough she had to drive it. Let along think about me a few inches from losing my life as the next car passed by and I did my job. I'm sure Sparkling was happy I was there, at least I know my place.

So being fat and having a bottle of washing up liquid has it's advantages.

Mother and baby go home

Today the most beautiful baby in the world gets to go home with her mum. Rock Chick and Babyfro have been given the OK to leave hospital. It will also be the first time I get a chance to see her.  I am excited over it all but understand Rock has been suckling baby for a number of days in hospital and she is likely to be very tired and needing a good sleep. Dangerous Sports Lad has been a wonderful dotting father and the best support a girl could ask for, he has so stepped up to the mark and become a real dad. Together all three are happy ready to show the world they are a family. I'm happy for them all, I am so happy I just want to cry and I don't know why.

Earlier this morning I began searching for my phone charger and could not find it. I had a number of plastic baskets out and there in one of them I found my camera charger. This to was a brilliant moment because I'd brought my camera with me and there was enough battery power for one picture, but now it's fully charged. I'll be able to take lots of pictures and Sparkling is dying to have one with her and Babyfro. Just as I am hoping to get one with baby as well. So after doing a hissy fit and being told by Sparkling to wash my hair she looked for the phone charger and found it. So I'm happy free times over. If I take a picture on my phone I'll always have it to look at as well. Today it is sunny and warm out, and with the sun as well all.

I've volunteered to do the grass because it's a good day. Sparkling has also now said she will have to point out to me what is a plant and what is a weed. I'm beginning to feel I'm being bossed about. In fact I am now being told the shed is mine and I have to pull it down. Further it is a place where all rubbish is and if we get a new one it will be my responsibility. Great, five minutes to sit down and the rest of my day has been decided for me. With little say from moi. Well so it goes. I wonder if baby knows much about sheds?

A Baby is born today

It was going to happen, it was on the cards, we were all ready for her, and yes today Babyfro was actually born. She might not be able to read, write or quote Confucius as I'd thought earlier, but she certainly knows where her mum's tit is.  Little Babyfro isn't so much of the little as she was born at 11:10 a.m. this morning she weighed in at 8 pounds and 5 ounces. Sparkling tells me she is the most beautiful little girl ever and looks like Dangerous. Which is wonderful news, he's worn curly long hair so no doubt baby will have beautiful long curly hair as she grows up. Dangerous is so happy he can't stop looking at her. Rock Chick must be so relieved the whole pregnancy and giving birth is over. To show how strong Rock is she gave birth only taking gas and air in the way of anaesthetics.  Rock is such a tough girl. She is so incredibly strong and has a high pain threshold. I recall how Sparkling would take Rock to the dentist and she would have her teeth sorted without any anaesthetics, but to endure the entire process of giving birth as well would suggest Rock is superwoman.  Sparkling is so proud and so happy with all of them and they are all so happy and in awe of such a beautiful little dark haired girl.

I spoke to Sparkling this evening and she told me about the entire event. She'd been sent home from the hospital with Dangerous at about 10:00 p.m. which is some kind of watershed time for kicking out people in the maternity ward. Well, except of course for mothers in the process of labour. Rock and Dangerous went home. They were told to wait until midnight and try again. I don't know if they did return at this time but they stayed up. Eating biscuits and crisps, Sparkling said she needed to hoover up. They went to bed to sleep at some point. Sparkling tells me she was laying on her bed in her clothes, just waiting for a call at any moment so she could then dash back up to the hospital in her car. I'm sure both of them hardly slept at all. In the meantime Rock Chick had been put on a drip. This has some kind of stimulant in it to help induce the labour further. Sparkling said there was a phone call at about 8:00 a.m., then like a bat out of hell she dashed down the stairs and shouted on Dangerous to move himself.  They rushed about and headed to the hospital.  When they got there Rock was having labour pains and regular contractions, at some point she was 2 cm dilated. It was going slow, she wanted to push but was told not to by the nurse. Not yet.  Sparkling had to head out to make a phone call and update family.  Dangerous was great, he held Rock's hand and supported her, he kept calm and composed, he was the perfect partner.  The labour continued.  Sparkling returned and to her surprise Rock had now dilated to 9 cm, all within a very short period of time.  Rock wanted to push, the nurse told her to slow down. Dangerous kept her calm, measured Rock's breathing kept pace with her and kept her relaxed.  Then within a short while Rock gave birth. Little babyfro was born to this world. She was crying when she saw the light. Yep, she liked being comfortable and warm inside her mum's belly. She would of stayed there and taken pre school classes if she could.  Rock had now become Mommy Rock and Dangerous was now Daddy Dangerous. Sparkling is now the glamorous nanny Ga Ga, and I'm Pops.

Little Babyfro or rather, quite large babyfro has been a long time coming, or so it seems but when I think about it the time has gone by very fast. It makes me so happy we now have another addition to our family.  When Sparkling told me of the events which happened this morning I was on edge with every word she spoke. Sparkling is so happy with the most beautiful new family in Scotland.

Rock Chick will be staying in hospital over night to now recover, she had gone an entire night with no sleep and now they have to keep an eye on her as her blood pressure is up. In consideration all is well, all is so very well indeed.

Officially having a baby

Rock Chick is now officially in labour. She went into hospital yesterday and they gave her a pessary at about 5:30 p.m., after waiting around three hours and nothing happening. Well,we do know Babyfro is a stubborn minded baby and only does things when she thinks it's time. Last night I hadn't heard a thing from Sparkling Eyes so I texted her about 7:30 p.m. and there was no reply. Apparently it is a poor reception area for mobile phones where the hospital is. Then about 10:20 p.m. I get a text and ring up Sparkling. Nothing was happening, although there seemed to be a twinge just after the pessary. For the time being there were no regular contractions. So I've been sitting most of the evening watching movies and worried out of my mind. What is happening? I don't know how Dangerous Sports Lad is putting up with the tension. If I'm on edge then both Sparkling and Dangerous are very much waiting for any morsel of news. The hospital had decided both Dangerous and Sparkling had to leave. At the time of my phone call they were to hang about at home and then go back to the hospital at midnight. At the moment I don't know what is going on, but it's probably right to assume there is no Babyfro yet.  I'd of been contacted if there was.

It is approximately 8:15 a.m. and the hours are passing by. Rock has been in labour for about 15 hours. There may have been no regular contractions but baby is well over due now so she has to come out whether she likes it or not. We're all waiting for her. I even had to write this BLOG before going off to work because I had to tell someone. I think the doctors and the hospital will not let Babyfro sleep away her entire existence in Rock's tummy. I'm sure Rock would certainly have something to say about it as well. By the time this baby see the light of day she will be about to talk, walk, run, read and write and recite the wisdom of Confucius at this rate. Providing she has reading material.

So it seem today will likely be the day of Babyfro's birth into this world. Dangerous has to endure a few more hours, so does Sparkling. Rock Chick has to hang in there and be strong. As if she has any choice not to, the reality is she's got no choice about anything at all. This baby must come and Rock is the only one who can give birth. Bloody ell, men are so lucky, men are the luckiest sex in the world. Until that is a woman scientist comes along and is able to make us carry babies.  Today at some point I will be a step grand dad. It's a big day, a very big day. It makes me feel weak at the knees when I think about it.  It makes me emotional as well. I'm rooting for you Rock. Babyfro is coming whether she likes it or not.  Lets hope it's not too long.

Come on baby, where are you?

The talking shoe

Squeaky shoes are an annoyance. The thing is you never know when you have bought the shoe if it is going to squeak.  It's only after being worn a couple of times it then lets out this sound, this irritating sound, on each and every step. It's like you want to stand and stair accusingly at the shoe for being a pain in the arse, point your finger at it and then give it a piece of your mind. This will do no good. It's a shoe. It doesn't care whether you are annoyed at it, it has no feelings, you will continue to wear the shoe and it will continue to squeak. The other option is to take the offending shoe back to the shop. So rather than one both have to be returned. It would be rather odd to try and return a single shoe and I'm sure the shop assistants would give a funny stare to the customer who tried. Furthermore, they'd probably not give you another pair of shoes, after all it still works, it's not a particular fault which can pointed out as effecting the wear and tear. The shoe has no emotions, and the squeak is not actually a yelp, a cry or a whisper, it is just a squeak even when it may be perceived as something else. The more attention it is given the more irritating it becomes. The squeak is drowned out by other noise when walking down the street, such as traffic and the routine of commuting. Yet, once you have entered a building and it is quieter there, the squeak pops up again like it had been hiding and now found the best opportunity to come out and play. To be noticed. It's not the noise which gets you, its the squeak in a quiet place which gets noticed. The persistent, little twerp, the persistent and very irritating little twerp. I'd like to give my shoe a good kicking but if I did my foot would feel the pain and I'd hurt myself. What options do I have? There are few if any. Wear the shoes and wear them out. Put up with it.

Alternatively the squeak could become my friend. I should really look forward to hearing the sound. It's comforting. I know it is there. It is something reliable and in today's age there are very few things which are reliable. As the squeak persists I can get to love it and listen to it with fondness, it is what it is, and no more. It requires acceptance. At which point it will cease to be an irritation and a pain. I in turn may seek out quiet places so I can walk and listen to my squeak, feel comforted by it as though the squeak is a friend. Again, such things are hard to come by nowadays. The shoes are new and I am old. It is a comforting new change to the experience of life. Who would ever of believed it, from foe to reliable friend in the blink of an eye. I look down and see the black shoe and no more is it offensive, it is not somebody I used to know, it is something I do know, and something I close to my feet. Until it's time for a new pair. For now my squeaky friend I'll enjoy your company.

Another False alarm

Rock Chick doesn't know when she is going to give birth. Another false alarm has passed. She's now starting to think she will never give birth and will be  a permanent pregnant woman. But I'm sure nature will take its course. Whether it is by walking about a lot or bouncing on her birth ball. It goes to show how bored Rock Chick is, for she text me to day to remind I should of done a task which I was going to do about 6 months ago. The sooner she has this baby the less time she will have to hassle me. It might sound a bit selfish, but we are all now waiting on Babyfro to be born and everybody can't wait to see her.

Well, better get on with doing a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle, this baby is going to take her own sweet time.

Rock Chick is in labour

I'm not entirely sure, but from what Sparkling has said, Rock Chick is nearly but not quite in labour.  Last night there were twinges, they stopped and she managed to sleep a little. They have been to the hospital and been advised she is having contractions. However, now she has to exercise or something to bring them on full throttle so to say. Sparkling said she has hardly slept at all last night. Indeed as I spoke to her on Skype she yawned, and then accused me of harassing her just because I'd eventually got set up on Skype. It's not true, I don't harass anyone. I was then told my life must be easy sitting there, and told to get a hair cut. It looked freaky. So heck. Now I wish I hadn't set Skype up because suddenly I'm in the firing line. All because Sparkling didn't get a good night's sleep. Rock is exercising, either walking or bouncing on her birth ball, she's probably speaking to Babyfro at the same time telling her she has to come out. So if she is in labour, then technically it probably began last night, then stopped and has began again. She's probably fed up with the pregnant thing and now wants to be the mummy. She'll be able to actually say, "I'm the mummy" if this is the kind of thing new mums do. My thoughts were once the baby is born then that's it. Apparently it is not "it" as Sparkling has said it's just the beginning and advised me I clearly had no experience of these things. I'll get a sow on badge and put in on my coat, something along the lines of "knows nothing about babies." I do know one thing, they usually are born unable to kick a football.

Dangerous must be stressed out with the whole thing. Sparkling tells me he is funny though, she's not sure if he can hold it together, poor kid, I know how he feels. It's only a woman at times like this who can hold it together. For him his part is being there and holding Rock's hand.  She in turn can inflict all manner of pain on him to help her through the entire giving-birth process.  Whatever she feels or says, he has to be calm and supportive, after all he can't go through the same pain as Rock. If it were possible then he would be the pregnant one. Lets not go down this road though, men can't have babies and I'm glad we can't. I do know though Rock will make demands on him and he will be up to it.

I don't know why but I too feel tired. Sparkling is tired, Rock is tired and you can bet Dangerous is tired. I'll be updated shortly but the way things are going, Babyfro will be here soon. Very soon.

What are Rock Chick and Babyfro doing to the men in their life?

At 1:36 a.m. this morning I was woken up. There was a vibration and my mobile was under the pillow. I reached for it and through eyes which had to be forced open was just able to focus on the screen. There was no message. No text telling me Rock Chick had gone into labour. I had woken myself up and the vibration could of only been from my own snoring. Which sadly to say means I must actually snore because it has been Sparkling Chick who has told me and I never believed her. She has a tendency to tell me the odd thing which I do believe only to find out she has pulled my leg. So I don't want to believe I snore, I'd rather of found a text message to say the stalk had landed. It clearly hasn't landed and is to preoccupied doing circles on thermal currents in the sky. Babyfro is taking her merry time and I'm just getting all flustered, emotional and on edge.  To be awoken by my own snoring is humiliating, but it could be worse.

A conversation was relayed to me from Sparkling Eyes. She told me about an incident a couple of days ago, involving Rock Chick and Dangerous. Rock has been eating all kinds of food in the hope they will have some kind of effect, even chillies. Her appetite has been ravenous lately. There was Rock sitting on a chair and all big and rounded, when she puts her hand on her belly and goes "ouch that was painful."  Dangerous who is on hyper-vigilant at this time looked at her. He could see the pain in Rock's face, his eyes opened up expectantly, heart palpitated, was this it, the big moment? It dawned on him. Rock says there's another pain again, Dangerous looks at her in anticipation.  He gets a little panicky and then can't help himself he says "is she coming?" and bursts into tears.  Well Babyfro wasn't coming, it was a false alarm, Rock had a twinge of indigestion from the food and nothing more. Dangerous the poor lad had lost it, he thought the moment had come and he was then expected to do his bit. The tension has gotten too much for him. This having a baby lark is actually doing some pretty weird things to the men in Rock's and Babyfro's life.  It seems we are having hormonal fluctuations in sympathy with Rock. It's also like we are taught elastics waiting to spring back, we're constantly monitoring the situation, constantly wondering when will it happen? In short we are starting to show the signs of physical and mental exhaustion, and we're not even having the baby.

When Babyfro pops out to say hello, there's one thing for sure, it will be a relief, my nerves are on edge.

Babyfro still has not arrived, but Harvey has

Babyfro was due yesterday, she is taking her time. I can tell, she will be the kind of girl who will always turn up late, to be anywhere on time she has to be tricked into the appointment being earlier than what it is. This is the nature of Dangerous Sports Lad.  It is likely to be in the genes of both Rock Chick and Dangerous.  Each likes to take a long lay in bed, I expect though Babyfro will have something to say about this over the next few months. She'll probably say it with a loud scream of her lungs, a few tears and her parents will respond with bleary eyes, well one of them will. As they to wake up to Babyfro and attend her needs. After which she will happily drop off to sleep again. But for now, she'd rather not be born, and so it is Rock and Dangerous get another lay in bed another night's rest. Except of course they are both waiting for the moment. Dangerous has gone off his food, he's feeling the tension, when normally he is so relaxed. Never mind Daddy Dangerous, it will be OK.

Today Harvey turned up. This is a day earlier than expected. He was off being repaired and the repair took three weeks to do. He was longer in repair time than he had been in my hands after I bought him.  He feels different, I don't know how to explain it, but he does. He sounds louder as well, there doesn't seem to be a buzz, if there is, then it is a lot quieter than it used to be. I thought the distributor might of dropped in a free packet of strings just for the inconvenience of having waited so long. But they didn't. Then again he has cost them three trips by Fed-Ex, which I'm sure was expensive. They probably made a loss from the delivery charges. Shame, not.  Maybe next time they will test their instruments before they sending them off.  The name of this company, will not be revealed, they'll get no publicity from me, be it good or bad.  Funny, even though Harvey feels in some way different it has been good having a short strum on him. It's like I can now concentrate on doing the real thing later on. A little time will be marked to one side, just me and Harvey, you-tube and a few teach-yourself-videos. He'll be singing along nicely. I hope so, fingers crossed. But I know I'll not buy from that shop again.

Mind I could book my ticket up to Scotland and see Sparkling right now. On the proviso Babyfro will turn up at any moment. I could help her into the world, maybe sit and play a few tunes. Except for the fact Rock did intimate the Uke was going to be broken, over my head. Funny how emotional a pregnant woman can get, and especially how unappreciative of ukulele music. She literally needs to take the weight off her feet. I think she tried a curry the other night to help babyfro along. Now, this time next year Fro will be crawling about and probably enjoying the sound of a little tune on a ukulele. Harvey, there's someone I'd like you to meet, very soon.

Elasticated trousers and reluctant births

It's Saturday, so this morning I did a few hours at work and then had a notion, which I've been carrying about now for a little while, to buy some shoes. Some everyday kind of shoes which I can wear all the time casual like things. This is because all my boots have worn out soles. It seems a deliberate design fault. Make boots with moulded soles and when the wear out new ones have to be purchased. I got a few pairs just sitting about because the uppers are fine and I don't want to let them fall in the hands of the bin men. I took a bus ride to a town not so far away and looked around. There was nothing which really caught my eye. Nothing which said it was perfect, and I don't know what it is, when it comes to shoes or boots, I generally know what I like as soon as I see it, but of course have to try them on to confirm it. Which is probably one reason why buying shoes on the internet is a complete no go area. A bit like the purchase of Harvey to an extent. I'll certainly think twice about buying another ukulele from a web site and would highly recommend to anyone "don't do it." The shoe shop came up with zilch, but I did find some trousers which were perfect for the Fish Factory, and perfect for my waist. The reason for this is they have additional elasticated sections to them.  I have one pair at  home already and they are great to wear, I'm not strangling my stomach with a belt every time I put them on. The have a degree of give in case I have a big lunch, or tightness in case I lose weight. Though I expect eating more to be the biggest problem. I'm happy.  I texted Sparkling Eyes to tell her I was happy, but added in the text I wished I was slim and didn't get happy just because my trousers were elasticated. Sparkling read the text out to Rock Chick and Rock apparently could not help but cry of laugher. Well, she's a pregnant woman and knows what it's like having a big belly.  We have something in common. Except hers is temporary and mine seems to of been around a lot longer than nine months. How I love elastic.

Rock is now in the last days of her pregnancy, Babyfro is due in about four or five days, however Rock has a sneeky suspicion Babyfro is going to be late. She thinks Baby will come when she is good and ready regardless of what Rock does or what Rock wants. So Rock sits on her large bouncing ball and bounces for hours on end hoping it will help prepare baby to shoot out. Rock has also been doing a lot of walking because the effects of gravity are recognised as an important thing when giving birth. Still Baby curls up and takes it easy, walk or bounce as much as she likes little Baby, or possibly big baby will remain defiant. There is no doubt in my mind Baby will have a stubborn streak like Rock, in a few years time it will be a babble of the Wills. Will Rock get Baby to sleep, or will Baby want to stay up? This will be the question.

It has been way too many weeks since I saw Sparkling and I'm missing her somewhat bad. Being able to give her a hug is a comforting thing and I seem to be waking up hugging myself and wishing Sparkling was there.  Like Rock I to am waiting on Babyfro, when she is in this world I can book my ticket and head up to Scotland. It will be good to see everybody and the new member of the family, it however will be an experience when I'm given a nappy to change. Better take along my own peg to put on my nose, and some latex gloves. How on earth has humanity survived? I sure don't know.

Where's the Uke?

Time is getting desperate. I'm not happy with Bertha's buzzing now and Harvey has disappeared.  He was returned to the shop and they still haven't contacted me to say when I will be getting him back. His C string buzzed pretty bad. I'm not a light plucker so it was obvious to me from the start. But I did get to like him quite a bit. The action was wonderful and made it so easy to do chords. Unlike Bertha who's strings I could limbo dance under. It's been over a week and I am getting to wonder what the earth they have done with Harvey? They should of given me a new uke but they said he would be fixed and returned. There has been no email, no phone call, nothing to say what is going on. So he has been on two Fed-ex trips already and travelled a whole lot further than time I've been playing him.  I wonder how expensive it is to send items by Fed ex? Which surely has got to be cutting into the profits made by selling him in the first place. Is it because they can't fix him?

Lonely and with out Harvey, what am I going to do with myself?

Angry People

There happens to be a lot of angry people about nowadays. At times I will include myself in this group. Yes. I get very angry and at the point of killing someone. Generally there is a little relief when I ring up Sparkling Eyes. She just laughs at me and thinks it's funny I'm angry, my reaction to her laughter is to laugh as well. It is healthy to be angry. It is healthy to vent at times when you need to, but be cautious who your audience is. It has to be someone who is understanding and sympathetic, someone who can stroke your brow and say "there, there, pudding it is all OK" or rather than "pudding" they could say "handsome hunk of a man" which would be fine as well. In this day and age where people are feeling the pinch, literally speaking being angry about stuff is a normal reaction. Times are tight, the government is cutting back left, right and centre. Things which may have been taken granted for are no longer things which should be taken for granted. For example a friend of mine had to get a blood test. He received a text message from his local doctor to instead go to the hospital. There he would be treated as a priority patient because they had been unable to deal with him at his local surgery.  So having fasted for 13 hours he then went to the hospital. On arrival at the place for blood tests he presented himself to the reception nurse and they in turn agreed he would be dealt with as a priority. He was pretty happy about this as there seemed to be an inordinate amount of people in the waiting room. At which point he caught a conversation between the nurses. They said there was 117 people waiting for tests and only three nurses to do them. One of which was about to end her shift. There is one thing for sure, I think if I had to wait I'd of just walked out of the room altogether rather than wait at all. If I was going to die than it wasn't going to be waiting for a bloody blood test. So quite reasonably everybody is angry and for what appears to be good reason.

It seems everybody wants a bit of me at the Fish Factory. The pressures are enormous, and the chain of command is to pass-the-buck wherever possible. At this time the buck is being passed to me on a number of occasions. It's what happens when you become a middle manager and get squashed between those who actually work and those in higher management who get paid a lot more and just attend meetings pretending to work. The real solution however to any angry person's request is for them to talk to one of the actual ground floor fishes who knows what they are doing rather than someone who is above them. Lets face if, most managers are a not in the loop of understanding when it comes to ground floor realities. Only someone on the ground floor can know what is going on. There is something to be said about being well grounded. It may sound tautological, but it is true. I hate being given work which must be done by a certain deadline such as the day it is given to me. The reason for this is it is necessary to budget time and resources, being given a job to do without any warning makes me angry. So today I in part had lost it. Then late morning I am phoned up by a person who asks I ring up an equally angry individual to ensure something is done for them. My reaction is simple, I go to lunch. On the way to lunch I pop into a shop and purchase a sandwich, fortunately I manage to get to a till where there is only one person in front of me. This was perfect, as no time was wasted at all. Then I head off towards my usual pub for a coffee, but it's Friday and Friday is one of those funny days where every idiot thinks they should hit the pub for a drink at lunch or even food. The bar is badly manned and service is slow. I stand there with people in front of me and start to simmer away, having eaten my sandwich outside. I then walk out of the pub and along the Thames. To chill out. To relax, because I want to kill. I am fecking mad.

There is a point in the getting angry process where any little thing can set off an angry person into a crazed state of mind. Only the strongest self willed people can stop themselves from becoming raving lunatics. Fortunately I'm pretty strong willed. As mentioned early, part of my coping strategy is to seek outside advice. I rang Sparkling, blowing my lid, she thought it was hilarious.  The fact is she would probably pay to watch me get angry and in a fight because she thinks I'm a big fanny.  So not at all macho, there could be a little bit of truth to this, but let it said even gentle buttercups have an angry side.  Given the right circumstances. Sparkling told me to take some of my own advice, to relax and calm down, to which I stated if I was giving myself advice to relax I'd blood well kill me, because it would be condescending. She laughed more and talking to her didn't help me at all. It would of been better to have ran the Samaritans, or someone else who knew about humanistic psychology and rational emotive therapy. I know every much what the prescription is but it is difficult to take your own medicine, it is necessary for someone else to administer it. With a big blooming spoon and a cube of sugar on top.

It's about nine hours after my initial angry feeling and I'm still not calmed down. I'm controlled, but not calmed. I guess controlled is good at least it doesn't mean spending a spell in prison for homicide.

I really should start eating sweets again, but not the red ones.

A chat about being pregnant

Yesterday I rang up and spoke to Rock Chick, I was on the phone for over an hour and we chatted about all the things going on in her life at the moment. Of these the biggest is her pregnancy with Baby Fro. Rock is excited, she just can't wait to have little Fro and so is Dangerous. He is working long hours getting paid a pittance, but the both of them are generally very happy. Issues do arise every now and again, but these are quite natural things and because poor little Rock has got all these hormones working on her body she ends up in tears. Awwe. It is one of those things. However, there are quite a lot of things which happen in pregnancy, quite a lot. I remarked to Rock, "if you're going to have a baby it's got to be with someone who loves you because they got to put up with all through the pregnancy."  At this time she had finished a short topic about bouncing up and down on her birth ball (Swiss exercise ball) had farted and then it was only when she got off the ball the full whiff of the fart hit Dangerous. It must of been one of those deadly silent ones. I gather Rock is enjoying her birth ball and bouncing up and down on it while she watches TV. Mind saying this she reports to me how well she has been as a house wife, tidying up, cleaning, washing, and making sure Dangerous is well fed.  She's been really looking after  him to this extent. Given she has now stopped work.  All in all they seem to be doing OK and Rock certainly knows, it's all about getting by.

Unfortunately though for me Rock Chick then had to go into an extended conversation about what it was like being pregnant.  How she went on a visit to the maternity ward and saw everything. Then she started to give me a little too much information, if not about the maternity ward about her personal experience. Apparently there is a birthing pool in this ward, a place where mothers can have their baby's in a pool of water. So it comes out learning to swim as well as being born. What a great idea. I expect you can always tell the children who were born in birthing pools because they win all the swimming events at school. Anyway. Rock went on to say how she saw this video of a mother in the pool and how she was pushing so hard to have the baby her anus stuck out. Rock wasn't sure at first whether it was the anus and wondered if what she saw was the woman's v v v v vejay.  This really is not something I want to hear about and said it was too much information.  Yet saying I didn't want to hear this kind of thing was like an invitation to tell me even more. I audibly and visibly cringed as the conversation continued. Rock then when on to say "did you know sometimes when giving birth in the pool you can poo because you're pushing so hard?" Bloody hell, no I didn't know it, and yes it was too much information. She then said, "if you do poo they have this little net, and just fish it out." At this point I was like feeling a gag come on. Not a joke, a gag as in the impulse to vomit.  The sight of a nurse with a little fishing net, was in my mind. I could see it, a green net on the end of a cheap wooden cane.  Rock said to me, the reality of giving birth was nothing like what she had seen on TV and the realisation it could take a few hours or more was on her mind.  She is a young strong lady and I'm sure will cope well, I'm glad it's Dangerous who will be there and not me.

Rock told me how pregnancy was effecting Dangerous. She said he was just as bad as she and seemed to cry at anything. She'd seen him crying after watching a film on TV. She found some research on this, apparently a man's testosterone levels drop by about a third when their partner is pregnant. Stating the reason for this, was they had now made a woman pregnant and didn't need to prove anything to the world. They were in effect virile.  Which all sounds very macho and Neanderthal to me.  Except of course in this case of Dangerous he is turning into a right Fanny, a phrase L & B man often uses on me.  Imagine a real Neanderthal man not being able to go out and hunt for food because his hormones were playing up and he just didn't want to kill the odd prehistoric chicken, because  was soft. I'm sure any self respecting Neanderthal man would be severely reprimanded by his Neanderthal wife.  My own experience of emotions at this time, I put down to age.

It was wonderful talking to Rock, as at this moment every hour is a count to the day Baby Fro hits this world, but for sure there just was a little too much information. Cracking pelvis, farts, leaking everywhere, and movements of a new human being under the skin of a large pregnant belly (reminiscent of an Alien film) left me completely speechless and bewildered at the end and yet warm and happy as well. Wonder if I need a hormone test?