Yesterday I rang up and spoke to Rock Chick, I was on the phone for over an hour and we chatted about all the things going on in her life at the moment. Of these the biggest is her pregnancy with Baby Fro. Rock is excited, she just can't wait to have little Fro and so is Dangerous. He is working long hours getting paid a pittance, but the both of them are generally very happy. Issues do arise every now and again, but these are quite natural things and because poor little Rock has got all these hormones working on her body she ends up in tears. Awwe. It is one of those things. However, there are quite a lot of things which happen in pregnancy, quite a lot. I remarked to Rock, "if you're going to have a baby it's got to be with someone who loves you because they got to put up with all through the pregnancy." At this time she had finished a short topic about bouncing up and down on her birth ball (Swiss exercise ball) had farted and then it was only when she got off the ball the full whiff of the fart hit Dangerous. It must of been one of those deadly silent ones. I gather Rock is enjoying her birth ball and bouncing up and down on it while she watches TV. Mind saying this she reports to me how well she has been as a house wife, tidying up, cleaning, washing, and making sure Dangerous is well fed. She's been really looking after him to this extent. Given she has now stopped work. All in all they seem to be doing OK and Rock certainly knows, it's all about getting by.
Unfortunately though for me Rock Chick then had to go into an extended conversation about what it was like being pregnant. How she went on a visit to the maternity ward and saw everything. Then she started to give me a little too much information, if not about the maternity ward about her personal experience. Apparently there is a birthing pool in this ward, a place where mothers can have their baby's in a pool of water. So it comes out learning to swim as well as being born. What a great idea. I expect you can always tell the children who were born in birthing pools because they win all the swimming events at school. Anyway. Rock went on to say how she saw this video of a mother in the pool and how she was pushing so hard to have the baby her anus stuck out. Rock wasn't sure at first whether it was the anus and wondered if what she saw was the woman's v v v v vejay. This really is not something I want to hear about and said it was too much information. Yet saying I didn't want to hear this kind of thing was like an invitation to tell me even more. I audibly and visibly cringed as the conversation continued. Rock then when on to say "did you know sometimes when giving birth in the pool you can poo because you're pushing so hard?" Bloody hell, no I didn't know it, and yes it was too much information. She then said, "if you do poo they have this little net, and just fish it out." At this point I was like feeling a gag come on. Not a joke, a gag as in the impulse to vomit. The sight of a nurse with a little fishing net, was in my mind. I could see it, a green net on the end of a cheap wooden cane. Rock said to me, the reality of giving birth was nothing like what she had seen on TV and the realisation it could take a few hours or more was on her mind. She is a young strong lady and I'm sure will cope well, I'm glad it's Dangerous who will be there and not me.
Rock told me how pregnancy was effecting Dangerous. She said he was just as bad as she and seemed to cry at anything. She'd seen him crying after watching a film on TV. She found some research on this, apparently a man's testosterone levels drop by about a third when their partner is pregnant. Stating the reason for this, was they had now made a woman pregnant and didn't need to prove anything to the world. They were in effect virile. Which all sounds very macho and Neanderthal to me. Except of course in this case of Dangerous he is turning into a right Fanny, a phrase L & B man often uses on me. Imagine a real Neanderthal man not being able to go out and hunt for food because his hormones were playing up and he just didn't want to kill the odd prehistoric chicken, because was soft. I'm sure any self respecting Neanderthal man would be severely reprimanded by his Neanderthal wife. My own experience of emotions at this time, I put down to age.
It was wonderful talking to Rock, as at this moment every hour is a count to the day Baby Fro hits this world, but for sure there just was a little too much information. Cracking pelvis, farts, leaking everywhere, and movements of a new human being under the skin of a large pregnant belly (reminiscent of an Alien film) left me completely speechless and bewildered at the end and yet warm and happy as well. Wonder if I need a hormone test?
No comments:
Post a Comment