I never thought it would happen but the fish fought back. They showed who was king. And they didn't do it in a loud brash way, theirs was the way of the fish, it was subtle, slow and long lasting revenge. I feel it now, and have felt it ever since I left their domain. A venture under normal circumstances would of been productive for me and L & B man. It was his idea by the way. He said "lets go fishing" so we did. But we were not to know of their nefarious plan, simple and effective. We sat there with our rods, with some magical bait, which had been made by a Witch's Coven. Bait know for it's reliability, except for this day. For this day they had already made a pact with the Lord of Restraint. For six hours we waited. Caste out our lines, and even glimpsed the odd trout jump in the air wave at us and invite us to catch him. It was a sour invitation. Not to mention hot. Very hot.
For six hours a bright and beautiful sun shone down. Followed by a cooling breeze, although cool it was deceiving for it was as though the sun was only there for convenience. However it was not. Six hours of sun on a pale body takes an effect. One which lasts. Lobster comes to mind, oh yes a seafood with a pinkish red colour when cooked. This is the colour of my lower legs. Courtesy of shorts. Well when I started out I thought of trout being gutted, hmm and it's lovely taste when cooked from fresh. Lemon and herbs, not even considering how soft and flaky the flesh would be. It didn't happen. Nope. Note a bite, I thing there may have been the odd nibble but nothing else, not even a tuck where the rod is pulled back and forth and I shout out "it be Moby Dick," the great white whale did not appear. Nor did the trout. There was no struggle, no sport, just my gentle and slow roasting in the sun with L & B man. We left disgruntled, disappointed and drowned our sorrows in a pint.
The next two days have been murder. Rock Chick with her mean sense of humour took delight in poking me with her sharpened talons right on a sore red arm. I screamed in agony, a number of times. I think she had her nails done just for such an occasion. Shame on you Rock Chick. In the meantime psychological warfare was rained down upon me by Sparkling Eyes. As my red legs, arms and "v" shape around my neck wore on they got hotter and hotter. She said it would not surprise her if I were to self combust. Like the pictures you can see in those mystery magazines from the 1950s of some poor soul who has disappeared in ash. Except for an arm or leg. My reply was I'd wait till she slept and then self combust. See if she could get away quick enough after I'm up in flames. Or a smoldering ash, all because the fishes weren't biting. So every few hours I been piling on the after sun cream to calm down the shiny red skin. I'm not sure if it has made things worse, but I been hot, very hot, very red, and in pain. But as usual I learn my lesson. Don't seek sympathy from Sparkling or Rock Chick because they will not give it. They will use every means they have to take advantage of any disadvantage I have.
Fortunately I can keep my cool. I needed to when I was put under pressure for losing a set of keys, when I hadn't actually lost. I didn't mind except for the fact I was multi tasking at the time and had three disposable barbecues on the go. The keys turned up, they were six inches away from where Sparkling was looking. L & B man had seen them, thanks for the macho bond men can have when put against the fiendish cross examination of a woman. Then as I tested a chicken wing to see how it tasted, it was done perfectly, absolutely delicious. The wings went on a plate and guests helped themselves. Then shouts came back to me. One of the guests accused me of trying to kill them, there was red uncooked meat in a chicken wing. Damn it wasn't in mine, they were fine, honest.
Later on my tooth cracked, out dropped a gold inlay. My dentist is 460 miles away. For the time being it will have to look after itself. I now eat on the left hand side of my palate, and hope the remaining tooth takes no offence and stays calm before my appointment, which happens to be at a lunch time and will probably mean I'll not be able to eat for a few hours. I can just about deal with the pain of sun burn, thanks to the fishes who didn't bite. Nasty little things. Oh well at least I got my sense of humour. As for the fishes, look out because I got my eye on you and you owe me some delicious trout.
The next two days have been murder. Rock Chick with her mean sense of humour took delight in poking me with her sharpened talons right on a sore red arm. I screamed in agony, a number of times. I think she had her nails done just for such an occasion. Shame on you Rock Chick. In the meantime psychological warfare was rained down upon me by Sparkling Eyes. As my red legs, arms and "v" shape around my neck wore on they got hotter and hotter. She said it would not surprise her if I were to self combust. Like the pictures you can see in those mystery magazines from the 1950s of some poor soul who has disappeared in ash. Except for an arm or leg. My reply was I'd wait till she slept and then self combust. See if she could get away quick enough after I'm up in flames. Or a smoldering ash, all because the fishes weren't biting. So every few hours I been piling on the after sun cream to calm down the shiny red skin. I'm not sure if it has made things worse, but I been hot, very hot, very red, and in pain. But as usual I learn my lesson. Don't seek sympathy from Sparkling or Rock Chick because they will not give it. They will use every means they have to take advantage of any disadvantage I have.
Fortunately I can keep my cool. I needed to when I was put under pressure for losing a set of keys, when I hadn't actually lost. I didn't mind except for the fact I was multi tasking at the time and had three disposable barbecues on the go. The keys turned up, they were six inches away from where Sparkling was looking. L & B man had seen them, thanks for the macho bond men can have when put against the fiendish cross examination of a woman. Then as I tested a chicken wing to see how it tasted, it was done perfectly, absolutely delicious. The wings went on a plate and guests helped themselves. Then shouts came back to me. One of the guests accused me of trying to kill them, there was red uncooked meat in a chicken wing. Damn it wasn't in mine, they were fine, honest.
Later on my tooth cracked, out dropped a gold inlay. My dentist is 460 miles away. For the time being it will have to look after itself. I now eat on the left hand side of my palate, and hope the remaining tooth takes no offence and stays calm before my appointment, which happens to be at a lunch time and will probably mean I'll not be able to eat for a few hours. I can just about deal with the pain of sun burn, thanks to the fishes who didn't bite. Nasty little things. Oh well at least I got my sense of humour. As for the fishes, look out because I got my eye on you and you owe me some delicious trout.
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