Last night while watching episodes of Family Guy and laughing a lot I noticed my left eye was watering a lot. So I kept cleaning my glasses, wiping my eye and wondering if this was another stage of old age effecting the one eye which would shortly result in my having to see the optician again. For another set of glasses or even bifocals. Such is the aging process. However, when I woke up this morning I then had a problem opening up my left eye altogether. It was like someone had come along and glued it together. I had gunky eye. At this point I now put it down to conjunctivitis, probably caught of Stinky the cat. Checking out the Internet it seems this can dissipate all on it's own over a few days or it is possible to get various medicines. So I hit the chemist and got some Golden Eye Ointment. Within a short period of time I could feel it doing it's stuff. I'll swear by it now. It's only been a day and three applications of it with about four or five hours between each and I'm sure it's getting better. It's still watering but not quite as bad. So if anyone has Gunky Eye disease wash your hands a lot and get some of this stuff The only difficult problem with it is the application, squirting some on the lower eye lid. It's where a steady hand comes in useful. And of course how much to use. The instructions say half an inch, but I'm barely able to stomach putting in an eighth of an inch. To those of you who measure things metrically tough shit.
I had the day off and went to the gym, attempting another easy going work out. From research it seems as you get older a good way to burn off fat is to develop bigger muscles. So next week I'm going to become Arny Swartzenegger and make myself puffed up and as big as a brick shit house. People will turn their heads and say "hey fat boy, you're looking good" of course this will be the only way I'll know I look good because I don't spend an hour looking in the mirror. Unlike nearly every beautiful person who goes to the gym then uses the changing room. I always find it funny just watching the young blokes look at themselves in the mirror after their work out. But I'll let you into a secret, many of them don't bother having a shower. So although they may look good you really have to think about wearing a peg on your nose around them. Their personal hygiene duty is to put some Lynx deodorant over their already sweaty stink. Strange I never saw this part of the advert on TV. Nope. The bit which goes beautiful person checks themselves out in mirror for an eternity then stuffs a can of deodorant up their t-shirt for a quick spray. Finished off with a quick flick of the hair and out the door. Maybe there is no such thing as personal hygiene for the male room 101? Perhaps their frequenting the gym is to make up for not having a girlfriend. Then in turn stinking of body odour likely contributes to a vicious cycle of narcissism and work outs.
Now, one cure might be to pass on my gunky eye. If their eyes are streaming then they won't have much chance to focus on how beautiful they look and then they might just think about using the shower than using the excuse "I am a child of Dracula." Memo make a garlic necklace and wear it in the changing room. Then the smell of garlic will keep both the sweaty beautiful people away and those who have sharpened teeth.
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