I am missing Sparkling, it can't be helped I just am. This happens immediately after seeing her over the Chrimbo and January big party. I go to bed now and hope to reach such a deep sleep so when I wake up it is like time has collapsed itself into a few seconds. This way the night goes quicker, and I don't have to miss Sparkles so much, but I still wake up with the lost feeling you get. When something has been misplaced. I then hope the day will go quick and it's not so long when I next see Sparkling again.
The gym was on my itinerary this morning. It was an easy work out, rather than using a rowing machine as a warm up exercise I used a reclining cycle machine. Maybe it was less effort this way, it felt it. The session went quickly as I listened to my MP3 and caught a bit of the Andy Murry match in Australia. Murray played crap, this is the truth. He could of won it, but I could tell from his body language he just didn't have the killer want. Or was it he actually had the fear of winning hat on. The one where you just get so far and can't believe it and then all your anxieties bubble up to the top. He didn't win to a better player, Murray lost it in his head and he then made one mistake after the other. He didn't know how to change his frame of mind set. It's not tennis coaching he needs, it's a good sound sports psychologist who can get him to understand how his own mentality works. It just wasn't there. I could of made a bet in full confidence knowing this as soon as I saw him walk on the court. I know because I been in exactly the same place, the fear of winning when you got the ability but are held back by no one else but yourself. Shaking it off is a big thing. Very big.
I went out yesterday with Layabout Lad. His girlfriend has left him after four years. She had done this before but this time it seems like real. I hope so. She sent him a text saying she wanted a boyfriend who was more motivated. The thing was if she understood he needed motivation then she should of helped him get it. I thought she was immature for Layabout. But it is true, I don't think he is ever going to get a full time job at this rate. He's now 23 and hasn't held one down for any period of time. He's a nice enough kid, he just needs a big rocket up his backside. Or motivation, his own motivation, his own genuine want and desire, then things will no doubt change. We had two drinks in two different pubs. He got to feel chilled out and happy, I listened to his groans and wished he would change his attitude. Just like Murray's inability to believe in himself Layabout has this same mind set. It's like he has a hand on his shoulder and rather than it sitting there being of comfort it pulls him back. There just a little pressure, it's not supportive at all. It makes me also think of a scene from a film where a psychotic monk whipped himself. This is what people do to their selves, not so much with a real whip but with their own apprehensions and fears. It don't seam matter what I say to Layabout it has no effect in picking him up. Maybe I'm not any good as a motivator but I can definitely see it when someone is their own worse enemy. Rather than play tennis against one opponent it becomes two. Feck. Someone stick a rocket up my arse maybe I'll then learn how to motivate and get the best out everyone else.
The tone of this is all down heartening. But how do you lead a camel to water and get it to drink the water? No bloody idea. Unless you make the camel think it has led itself because it is thirsty and needs a drink, while you just sit there getting frazzled by the mid day sun. Come on summertime, then I'll get my parasol out, by which time the rocket up my arse as probably fizzled out as well, I hope so otherwise I'll have a odd looking walk.
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