Zombies and nuts

Today has been a free day, mostly spent this morning just wondering who I could chat to, because I think I'm going crazy. The one friend I got left wasn't answering his phone and he may not see himself as a friend anymore. I even considered ringing up the Samaritans, I pulled up their web site and checked out the number. Then later on I checked out the requirements of becoming a clinical psychologist and wondered if I should put in an application, unless I'm too old, which probably would be the case. But you never know. So I just sat for hours or so it seemed, with this state of mind I could not shift, it's the pissed off state. You know the one. Where any little thing just gets to piss you off, but disproportionately so. When it seems I only got one reaction which is raging bull. After an afternoon of catch up TV on the Internet I'm now sufficiently zombied out of my head to care or do anything. But for a desire to drink some ice cold buds. I got a six pack which should see me till I fall asleep even if there is hardly enough alcohol in them to get you drunk they will do nicely for now.

I now know why we have family. It's simple; because if you are pissed off with the world then you still have someone left to moan at. Unfortunately if your family is crazier than you then it's a problem. Hell, there's hardly any sane people left in this world. This bud is delicious, it's my second and helps with the writing. The toughest thing though is realising once you've reached a level of maturity you are more possessed of intelligence than any other member of your family, which is a right bummer. It would be so fecking good to chat to someone who isn't so fecked up you don't know if they just came out of an insane asylum. The insane can not cure the insane. They just get worse. And if you're on the edge of insanity, well it speaks for itself, talk to a nutcase then you become one. Or you might not, if you realise they are nuts and it somehow puts you back into real life sanity. I was reading on a web site some stuff, it said three in ten people will go nuts each year. I use the word "nuts" in a broad terms to mean any mental illness at all. And with great respect to the nuts, and affection so don't take it any other way. Just I wonder if I am going nuts. Then I wonder if there is anything I can do about it, even religion, or meditation, but I'm so angry I can't meditate about anything. Only the buds is helping at the moment. Hell, don't you think a bud bottle is a beautiful sight, unless of course you got a tall black pint of Guinness, which is even more beautiful.

I'm feeling chilled now. Think I'll go and get another bud, just to make sure. Problem is they go down way too fast. Should of got 12.