Ladders are for men

Fantastic, I have now weaved through the process of purchasing a set of ladders.  What a palaver.  Especially getting payment details set up.  But it's done.  So in the next few days I can expect a phone call from the DIY people and a delivery date.  So I can then get on with stripping and painting a window which desperately needs attention, then having a closer look at guttering and even the slate where the pigeons appear to be entering.  Although this part may be limited as the entry point is a few feet away from the gutter.  My arms wont quite stretch that far, unless I happened to be Mr Fantastic from the Fantastic 4.  But were I Mr Fantastic there would of been no need for ladders in the first place.  Being fantastic certainly has its advantages.

Understanding what is needed for a set of ladders is a bit of a process.  There are so many kinds on the market.  Three section and two section extension ladders come in various lengths.  Not to mention the three way, five way, twelve way combination ladders.  They can also be bought in different grades.  Depending on how much weight they are to hold.  If I were a hod carrier I'd need something a bit stronger, but I'm not and fortunately don't suffer from excessive overweight.  In addition, no matter how long the ladder is, this length isn't the length it will be used for.  The base has to stand away from the wall.  It's always difficult to tell this, but the taller the ladder is the easier it is to give yourself more space between the ladder and the wall.  It's convenient to have some length to play with.  I opted out for a nice long two section ladder, with each section at 4.2 metres.  Which was another minor issue.  Bloody metres when I'm a foot and inches person.  They never did metres when I was at school.  A metre is just a little longer than three feet, I'm guessing about 3 feet and 4 inches, approximately.  Which is enough to know.  Too much more information and it will knock some other vital piece of data out of my memory.  Something I may need one day and then will not know I need it because I've forgotten it.  So when my ladder eventually turns up it should be about 8 inches high.  No, it must be a bit higher.  At 8.4 metres when at full length.  Enough.  Yep, enough and manly enough, I think as I nod my head.  I should be able to do a great deal with it.  Lots of man things.  Ladders are for men hmmm.

Funny how doing something like ordering a set of ladders has now inspired me.  To the extent I have now checked out the local DIY store to find it closes at 9 p.m. tonight.  I'm almost of  a mind to go there, but as it's only 25 minutes to closing time, I'll not fully savour the aroma of being a butch man in a butch man store.  Amongst all those tools and things.  Not to mention the weird fascination looking at screws can give me.  When I check them out I wonder what they would be used for.  Some are flat topped, some rounded, they may be cross or flat faced, sunken or not, and made in all different lengths and different materials, you name it and I'm sure there is a screw made from it which has a specific purpose. It must be absolutely wonderful to know exactly the type of screw you need for the job you are doing.  Each with it's purpose.  Not quite but nearly as exciting as looking and purchasing stationary.  I honestly love buying blank notebooks.  I don't know if it's an odd thing to admit, but a few hours in a big stationary shop or a DIY shop to me is relaxing.  Maybe I should go to them more often. 

For the time being I'll settle on the ladders.   I just hope they will love me as much as I will love them.  Damn better not let Sparkling know she has got some competition.